


This Version Of Me

by MissKiraBlue



Series: Every Tomorrows [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aobajousai, Apologies, Bars and Pubs, Churches & Cathedrals, Coincidences, Consequences, Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family, Fate & Destiny, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Groundhog Day AU, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Before I Fall, Inspired by Groundhog Day, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Illness, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, Neighbors, POV Ushijima Wakatoshi, Panic Attacks, Post-Divorce, Rare Pairings, References to Depression, Road Trips, Romance, Russian Doll AU, Second Chances, Shiratorizawa, Time Loop, Time Travel, Ushijima lives the same day over and over again, accidental meetings, before i fall au, inspired by Russian Doll, no beta we die like men, protective Ushijima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2020-09-24 20:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20364319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKiraBlue/pseuds/MissKiraBlue
Summary: Ushijima lives his days as they come by. Doing the same things he does, the same time he does them, trying to play volleyball in order to not notice how he's falling apart.His mom and grandma are always worried and Ushijima doesn't want to even try to talk to his dad who works overseas.Ushijima lives his days as they come by.But then one dayhe notices a change.Part IV of the 'Every Tomorrows' series – to understand everything read part I first (Don't Make Me Walk When I Want To Fly)





	1. Solivagant

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my adorable–evils!!! PART IV IS OFFICIALLY HERE AND I CAN'T WAIT WHAT YOU GUYS WILL THINK ABOUT IT!!!
> 
> This is different. Entirely different. 
> 
> I think this part is the one a lot of you have no idea why it's so important to include. But I think this part puts all the previous ones to shame.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did.

**Part IV**

**This Version**

**Of**

**Me**

**Chapter 1**

**Solivagant**

_I wonder when it will be enough._

Ushijima gazed ahead, holding his fork as he elbowed on the table in the school canteen. He was surrounded by his teammates’ voice – loud like a whistle, a thunder made of lightning. They were cheerful, always talking, always laughing and filled with energy.

For them, it seemed this was enough. This life, these monotonous days.

Ushijima was a quiet rain among them.

Somebody who was only observing. Always quiet, always in the background, always cautious.

He had no idea why they thought this was enough.

_I wonder whether I would ever be happy to start a day._

He frowned.

_I wonder when it will be enough._

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima thought he had gotten used to it.

Waking up everyday, walking somewhere, always following the same direction, talking to the same people, eating the same food and seeing things that never changed and he knew it never would.

It was raining, he was holding a book while he sat close to the window. The sound of the weather made him feel alone.

Even though, he was never alone.

His mother and his grandma lived here with him, he had constant care and attention and love.

He brought his arm close to the glass and drew a little bird. He watched as the raindrops washed it away.

_I wonder when it will be enough._

He was holding his book so strongly, his fingertips turned white.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“He doesn't even call his own father,” Mitsuko whispered in the kitchen to Ushijima’s mom. He stopped in front of the door and stayed to hear what they were saying.

“I know,” his mom, Airi said. “Takashi called me, saying he didn’t do anything wrong, Wakatoshi just keeps declining his call.”

Ushijima looked down and fought back a tired sigh.

How could he call his dad? His dad who was the most amazing person in this world? Who worked overseas just to make sure he could get anything.

How could he call his dad?

_When my life is so dull and empty that I have nothing to say?_

**––––––––––––––––**

“Wakatoshi!” Park waved at him before he closed the door. Ushijima walked to his neighbor and shook his hand. “How are you?”

Ushijima only stared. “Just finished church?” he asked instead. “Grandma just got home.”

Park noticed the change of topic but didn't say anything. “Church is always good,” he said with a little smile. “And you? How’s practice going? Friends?”

Ushijima only stared, his stoic expression felt cold.

He sighed and turned away, walking the same direction, the same time he did every single day.

**––––––––––––––––**

“Ushijima,” Reon spoke when all the others were out the changing room. He looked at him. Reon patted the bench next to him, calling Ushijima to sit down next to him.

He did.

“You said, that I needed to tell when you were doing it again,” Reon touched Ushijima’s shoulder, his eyes full of worry. “You’re doing it again.”

Ushijima pressed his lips into a thin line and sighed, burying his face into his hands. “I don’t know how to stop,” he said quietly.

He was in pain everywhere, bleeding.

And yet there was no bruise to be seen.

“You guys are fine,” Ushijima sighed, fighting back his tears. “You guys are fine living like this, why am I different?”

Ushijima felt Reon hesitantly hug him. Ushijima felt tears on his cheek. Reon was always there whenever he had fallen back. Only he knew, Ushijima tended to fall back.

One day a couple of months ago, it became too much and Ushijima had a breakdown and Reon found him. Since then, Reon knew.

He knew how Ushijima had to fight every single day with this emptiness.

“I don’t know,” Reon said whispered back, still hugging him. “I wish I could help you somehow.”

“I wish I could love this life,” Ushijima begged. “I wish that it would be enough.”

_I wish_

_I_

_could_

_live_

_with_

_this_

_life._

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima had no idea what day it was today. They started to blend into each other – weeks, years even.

It seemed there was no way out.

**–––––––––––––––**

His once warm and welcoming eyes grew cold and stoic. He couldn’t smile anymore, not even if he tried.

He started to concentrate on volleyball, trying his hardest, trying his best to avoid looking and noticing what was happening in his life or with himself.

Ushijima noticed how Reon got quiet nowadays. They didn’t talk anymore.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“You know, Wakatoshi,” Tendou began to speak while they were walking home together. “You can tell me anything, we’re best friends. I’m here.”

Ushijima didn’t even look at him. His feelings ate his old personality.

The one who cared.

The one who wanted to care.

The one who wanted to try.

“There’s nothing wrong,” Ushijima said curtly.

_I don’t want to care about my problems._

“There is, though,” Tendou spoke again.

_I don’t want to remember my problems._

“There isn’t.”

_I just want to continue this existence._

“There is.”

Ushijima took a sharp breath though his nose, stopped and turned around, walking the other way. Tendou caught his arm and stopped him.

“You’re not going anywhere. Not until you tell me.”

“What do you want me to say, Tendou?” Ushijima whirled around and pulled his arm out of Tendou’s grasp. “That I don’t enjoy living but also don’t want to die because I love my family and friends, because they are the only things that makes me want to stay.”

Ushijima

realized

what

he

said.

Tendou’s eyes were wide with pain as he took a step back. Ushijima couldn’t breathe, his hands were shaking as he hesitantly raised them up to try gathering Tendou into a hug because–

_I went too far._

“I’m sorry,” Ushijima whispered, scared. Tendou calmed down in the hug, his breathing sounded normal again. “Tendou, I’m sorry.”

“You know what I see every single day,” Tendou had no emotion in his voice, he sounded numb. “How could you?”

Ushijima was too afraid to let go, thinking he might not come back from this one, thinking this time it would be too late.

“Tendou, I’m sorry, don’t go, please,” Ushijima said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen if you go, this time.”

“This time?”

Ushijima didn’t say anything. He had no idea what was this. It felt like he had been living the same day again and again, he had no idea if it was true or if his mind was this messed up – to the point where he had no idea if his days were different or not.

He turned around and walked away.

He did not notice that Tendou was staring at him with surprise.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“I can’t sleep,” Ushijima told his grandma outside, at midnight, on the terrace. “I have no idea why.”

Mitsuko smiled at him, her green eyes were just like his – as if Ushijima was looking into a mirror.

“Me neither, I had a meeting with an old friend,” Ushijima raised an eyebrow but Mitsuko just waved a hand with a big smile. “But I noticed you were acting differently,” his grandma said as she sat down in front of him. “What’s going on in your clever head, my little champion?”

Ushijima’s eyes softened, hearing the endearing nickname. She only called him like this when things turned serious.

_She knows I’m not fine._

Ushijima sighed and looked up to the stars, and then at the city. Seeing the light glow like an eternal flight of a bird he once drew one the window while it was raining.

_A lonely bird._

“You won’t believe me, but I think I’m living the same day over and over again,” Ushijima whispered. “I’m not sure. My days were always the same and I’m not that perspective anymore to notice if it’s different or not.”

“And what if you _do_ live the same day over and over again?” Mitsuko asked slowly.

Ushijima didn’t look back at his grandma. “If that’s true, then that’s terrifying.”

“Why?”

And Ushijima, without feeling anything, without looking away from the city, said;

“Because I did not notice.”

**–––––––––––––––**

_Solivagant:_

(adj.) wandering alone


	2. Serendipity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that second scene in this chapter might be the best scenes I have ever written. 
> 
> I have no words guys.
> 
> This part is just – it puts all the previous ones to shame
> 
> PS: love you all forever!! All the comments and kudos are the best things ever!! Bookmarks too!!  
PPS: Gonna answer the comments soon ;))

**Chapter 2**

**Serendipity**

Ushijima was sitting at the table in the kitchen, looking at the note which his mother had left behind before she had gone to work:

_Have a nice day in school, food is in the fridge, tell grandma her books are going to arrive later._

_Call your dad._

_Love you._

Ushijima stared at the piece of paper. He read it again. His eyes lingered on three words for far too long.

_Call your dad._

He clenched the note in his hand and threw it in the trash.

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima stepped outside his house and started to walk on his same route to school. His steps echoed but it blended in with the other people’s, who walked next to him. It’s as if Ushijima was just a note in a song, not significant, not really loud or noticeable.

Just there to make sure everything was going smoothly.

School was a place he never had joy to attend to. Not because he didn’t care – he cared. Not because he didn’t want to – his friends were there, he _did_ want to.

But because it seemed he was never going anywhere.

He had been walking and walking – the same route, the same streets, going to same locations and then back, all day, every day.

Ushijima knew. He knew.

_I know I don’t know anything._

Because when you’re end up as an adult, you’ll go to the same place. Not towards a school, you walk to somewhere else, somewhere you work. All day, every day.

Just like this, every morning, even in the future: People would wake up and head to their workplace, like they’re supposed to.

_As I’m supposed to._

His mom worked hard – she was barely at home. She made sure Ushijima had all the time he needed, all the comfort he needed. His father too, who after the divorce, moved to London to make sure Ushijima had connections for volleyball – to make sure he could get a good card to really made it.

_It’s not just talent, practice and joy I need to make it far._

He needed connections and luck, too.

Even his grandma who stayed at home and cooked for him, cleaned the house, took care of the garden and helped him with his education. To make sure her daughter, Ushijima’s mom, could rest whenever she had time or needed to.

_They’re all doing this for me._

Doing the same thing, going to the same direction, thinking about the same stuff all day, every day.

Like they’re supposed to.

_As I’m supposed to._

Ushijima looked up to the sky and saw heavy clouds, yet, no chance for rain. It felt as if even the weather had no idea what to do, who to please, or how to change.

Ushijima wondered why the big cogs in this world had to be this strict. Or perhaps was there something he had not noticed?

_No. I don’t think so._

Ushijima lowered his gaze and looked around.

The city was below the grey clouds, a couple of bright lights shone on the umbrellas of the people’s hands. Little kids wearing back bags and school uniforms. Adults talking over the phone, holding documents or briefcases. Women wearing heels and pencil skirts, men wearing suits and elegant shoes – all black, grey and white clothes.

_As if there was no color, as if there was no creativity or imagination._

Ushijima just stood there, looking around in the middle of the crosswalk, surrounded by people who looked like the weather itself.

_The weather which had no idea what to do, who to please, or how to change._

Ushijima then looked down on himself and his eyes widened as it finally began to rain. He stretched out his arms as he felt the raindrops on his skin, his nose – how his hair let the water ran down on his neck.

Everyone was walking, pulling up their umbrellas, putting them above their heads while Ushijima

stopped

and

raised

his

head.

And gazed up to the sky.

Only the sound of the rain could be heard, everything else fell quiet to Ushijima’s ears. He didn’t know when he began to move. Maybe when the cars started to honk at him, maybe when he saw the green light turn red again, warning every pedestrian.

Maybe when he realized, that for a moment, standing below that heavy rain, he felt a little break in the cogs.

Maybe when he looked down on himself and noticed that he was wearing black, grey and white clothes, too.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Something happened afterwards, in Ushijima. When he was holding that fork again, in the school canteen, like yesterday he finally noticed that he was, indeed, in a time loop.

_But that wasn’t what surprised me._

No.

Ushijima couldn’t forget his thoughts from the crosswalk. It was like a quiet piano in the back of his mind, gentle and light.

And something happened.

He knew this day was the same – and not because of the time loop, he did not care about that, not really. He had no idea how it was possible, but in all honesty, he did not care.

All he was seeing, all he was staring at, was how quiet everything really seemed. Even if the canteen, the school was full with people, talking and gossiping – even if all the volleyball matches were as loud as a concert–

_It really feels like as if no one dares to speak or shout loudly._

Ushijima was looking at teenagers, his upper classmates for instance. They looked lost in a way – in a way where you can’t see until you really look.

He saw their hesitant smiles, how fidgety they were yet how free sometimes.

_They had no idea what they wanted – or even if they did, they were not sure it could happen._

Because there are only a few supporting teachers or friends, even parents. So who could they talk about their dreams or problems with?

Ushijima looked at the teachers, while they were writing on the board, while they were passing out papers.

They knew what it meant to be part of this never–ending walking and living. It showed, it showed how it wore them down.

Ushijima blinked as he clicked his pen.

_They must see their students give up, or not even try every day, every month and year._

They wouldn’t like to see them blend in with the others in the cog like they did. But they didn’t want to try harder or support them more what was necessary because they didn’t have that longing, that creativity anymore.

Like the weather.

Like this morning while he was standing in the middle of that crosswalk.

Ushijima remembered and somehow, somewhere deep down, before the third period or after the fourth–

something

happened.

**––––––––––––––––––**

After the practice was over, Ushijima was looking at his friends. Goshiki seemed joyful and determined, but was he thinking about anything else then being the best?

_Maybe he only wants to see this because he wants to taste victory – wanted to know how it feels to succeed._

Ushijima’s heart weakened at that because he knew how that felt like. He remembered all the times his dad did something that would make him think he could do anything, that he was capable doing anything in the world.

He then looked at Shirabu, who was always strict and organized and level–headed. Made sure his grades were top quality and his life was perfect.

Ushijima blinked when he saw Shirabu look away and stare into nothingness, whenever he thought no one was watching.

_He looks lonely._

Ushijima knew how that felt again. Even though, he was never alone, even though, he had constant love and care.

_I know how it feels to be lonely._

Yamagata was the wild card in the team, surprisingly, besides to Tendou. He was always there to control the situation, to make sure everyone was having a good time. Just like Kawanishi, they always looked happy and joyful.

_But sometimes they go quiet._

Like there was no reason to do anything with this joy, because everyone was already having a good time. They only did this when someone seemed to be down.

Ushijima looked at Reon. His old friend Reon – who was always there whenever he had a breakdown or a panic attack. The only one who really knew how hard it was for him to not see his dad, to live this meaningless, monotonous life.

Ushijima noticed that Reon was already looking at him.

Ushijima held his gaze this time, and did not turn away – just like when he raised his head just to feel the rain, while everyone looked down or pulled up an umbrella.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima did not want to talk with Tendou today – he seemed to know or understand that this was the same day, judging by his reactions to certain things today –, and Ushijima didn’t want to talk about it, not today, not when he felt that something was happening.

Something he couldn’t quite define.

When he arrived home he noticed another note on the fridge. He walked closer and read it, noticing his grandma’s handwriting:

_At the church._

And Ushijima dropped his bag and without another thought he went out.

**–––––––––––––––––**

Churches were beautiful even when there weren't many people inside. Even when there was no choirs or sounds, even prayers.

They looked just like a building out of an old tale, with colorful glasses painted by green, red and blue and yellow and purple. Candles glowing above people’s heads like halos.

Ushijima noticed Mitsuko sitting on a bench at the back, but she wasn’t praying, she was looking at the other people who were praying. His grandma was always looking at people, but never into their eyes, Mitsuko always seemed to look at something else.

Whenever Ushijima asked, she’d always answer with this:

_“I’m looking at them, my little champion.”_

He made sure not to bother the others while he approached his grandma and sat next to her. Mitsuko had her eyes closed, yet, she seemed to know it was him.

_She always knew when it was him._

“Following me to church?” She spoke quietly, laughing a little. “Wakatoshi, seems like you forgot this was not a Sunday.”

Ushijima smiled a little. “I’m not here by force, I know that it’s not Sunday.”

Mitsuko opened her eyes and turned her head to look into his eyes. When she stared at Ushijima, she never looked anywhere else, unlike while she was looking at others.

Mitsuko had a quiet smile on her face. Her grey hair was in a small braid, her green eyes glowed. Even thought their eye color were the same, Ushijima never had those glowing eyes. His own one always looked tired and dull.

_Monotone._

“Which wind blows you here, then?” his grandma asked.

Ushijima blinked because he did not know. He leaned back, feeling the wood behind his back, through his clothes and just looked up at the ceiling, seeing painted angels and stars, golden and grey colors with bronze.

_Beautiful._

And before he knew it, Ushijima whispered:

“Today, when it began to rain, I stopped walking.”

He only heard the murmurs and whispers or other people as they prayed, when his grandma said,

“And why is that so weird?”

Ushijima had no idea. He did not answer.

Not even after they got home, not even after they both went to bed, not even when he heard the rain again, outside the house, as the raindrops landed on the ground.

Something happened inside of his heart.

Because when the clock struck seven in the morning, he realized he did not sleep or just did not notice when he woke up again as the time loop activated. Because when the clock struck seven in the morning, he couldn’t stop thinking about the rain.

_“...And why is that so weird...?”_

Because when the clock struck seven in the morning, Ushijima finally answered with a whisper, while he was lying in his bed, looking up to his ceiling.

“Because no one else did.”

**–––––––––––––––**

_Serendipity:_

(n.) The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or a beneficial way

“Finding something good without looking for it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Ushijima with all my heart.


	3. Sonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this part is my fav. This chapter is my fav. I can't even decide.
> 
> That last scene is probably one of the most beautiful scenes through all the parts.
> 
> PS: love you guys

**Chapter 3**

**Sonder**

_Call your dad._

Ushijima was holding the note in his hands, staring down at it. The little yellow piece of paper had a nice contras on his skin. It was as if it was glowing.

_Call your dad._

His mother’s handwriting was elegant, pretty even. Easy to read, showing care and adoration. She wanted good for him. She meant good to leave this message.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima wanted to crumble the note, but in the end, he just placed it back on the fridge.

**––––––––––––––––**

They’ve been eating their food at the school canteen, sitting at the table, Ushijima, Tendou and Reon. It was a quiet time, peaceful–

Yamagata dropped his tray on the table and looked around suspiciously. Reon raised an eyebrow, Ushijima’s eyes widened and Tendou looked insanely bored.

_Ah, yes._

Ushijima remembered.

_Tendou saw this for god knows how many times by now._

However, Ushijima never really cared to listen. So he was seeing this for the first time.

“I keep losing my phone, I swear to Buddha,” Yamagata began, still looking around. “Something’s out to get me today.”

Reon chuckled and then started coughing, choking on his food. Ushijima’s eyes went round and hit him on the back. Ushijima gave him a glass of water. Reon thanked him and started drinking.

“Hayato,” Tendou drawled. “You always say this.”

Yamagata shot him a quick look. “To make them confused.”

Reon spat out the water – Yamagata dodged so fast, Ushijima’s jaw fell. He looked at Tendou – the red haired stopped his fork midway into his mouth. The spaghetti on it, fell down.

“Confuse who?!” Tendou shouted, completely outraged. “Who the fuck are you talking about? There’s literally no one here.”

Reon was still dying, Ushijima had no idea what was going on, and Yamagata only answered,

“How do you know that for sure?” he was still looking around. “Like this morning, for example, in chemistry–”

“Oh my god,” Tendou groaned, waving at Yamagata. “He’s doing it again. Goshiki told you to stop blowing up the–”

Reon wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Yamagata,” he said patiently. “I don’t want to offend you or your theories about how there are people out there to get you–”

“Quiet, Reon! They could hear–”

“– but this is simply ridiculous. _You_ are the one who keeps blowing up the room, not _them_.”

Yamagata did not eve bat an eye, when he said, “Well, I’m not _that_ smart to blow up the classroom once a day in a week. So, it must be them.”

“Okay, who is them? And also? Yeah?” Tendou’s eyes twitched, “but you are _that_ dumb to not realize what you put into the test tube, while you’re acting like a damn paranoid in a K–drama.”

Yamagata folded his arms together. “Your point?”

Tendou choked on his own spit. “My point?!”

Reon raised his arms, calming both of them down and Ushijima just sat there, thinking, how in the world could he not notice that his friends were completely bonkers.

“Kids,” Reon said, looking at both of them. “Calm down, poor Shirabu already has migraines and he’s not even sitting at our table.”

Ushijima looked far, Tendou did, too – and noticed Shirabu holding his temple with a little painful frown, sitting next to Kawanishi.

“He probably feels your stupidity all the way from over there, Hayato,” Tendou stated. “Disturbance in the force and all that shit.”

“That’s interesting of you to say, Satori, when whenever our math teacher sees you she crosses herself,” Yamagata stated.

Tendou crossed his arms before his chest and turned back to look at Yamagata, saying, “But you don’t know all the facts.”

“Which are?”

“I’m still not the one who blows up the chemistry classroom on every single Tuesday.”

“Oh my god, Yamagata, really?” Semi arrived to the table, holding his own tray. “You’re doing that shit again? If Mr. Nasuma catches you, then that means no volleyball – if there’s no volleyball–”

“The coach is gonna kill me,” Yamagata finished, completely pale. “I’m dead either way.”

Semi chuckled and sat down in front of Ushijima, eating his pork cutlet bowl. “Well, Tendou can’t bring back the dead but he might get you out of prison if you end up there, he has practice after all–”

“But you don’t know all the facts.”

Reon spoke, “Tendou, you keep saying this–”

“Which are?” Yamagata and Semi asked at the same time.

“That I’m still not the one who blows up the chemistry classroom on every–”

“Jesus Christ, Yamagata–senpai. I told you, you gotta stop doing that,” Goshiki walked close to the table. He was holding an apple in his hand. “I’d be careful. Tendou has been in prison many times before and look where it got him.”

Tendou’s clicked his tongue, clearly not amused. “What is that supposed to mean? I’m completely sane.”

Goshiki took a bite out of his apple and then pointed at Tendou. “See?”

Semi burst out laughing and Reon smiled, while Yamagata was staring at Tendou, seemingly worried.

“But you don’t know all the facts.”

Reon spoke, “Tendou, you keep saying this–”

And Ushijima realized, while the others’ voice voices faded away, while he stared ahead how–

_How I did not say a single word during the conversation._

How Ushijima never seemed to talk, to join.

_And how everyone seemed okay with that._

Because that was what they were used to.

_Me not talking, sitting in silence._

Someone who simply did not care or did not know how to care.

Ushijima closed his eyes while he was thinking about this, not noticing how Tendou was staring at him.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“I won’t ask anything, Wakatoshi,” Tendou said at the school gate when they were alone. “I know that you know – that we’re living the same day. I think it’s you, actually,” he looked away for a moment, thinking. “I just remember stuff. It’s a feeling.”

Ushijima waited patiently for him to continue.

Tendou looked back at him. “I just hope this is not some kind of a prank you pulled – or the others did to get back at me. Even though I have no idea how that could be possible.” Ushijima shook his head and Tendou gave out a relieved sigh. “That’s good then... so I’m not asking anything today but tomorrow, we gotta talk about this, ‘kay?”

Ushijima nodded. Tendou smiled a little but his eyes looked tired, worn down.

_Why is it so hard to live the same day again and again, for you, Tendou?_

And today, for the first time, Ushijima spoke,

“We’re going to talk tomorrow,” he said quietly, suddenly noticing how Tendou sent a reassuring smile. “Thank you.”

Tendou’s smile was pure sunshine – not even that.

It

felt

like

Ushijima’s

rain.

**––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima stood outside his house. He looked up and noticed all the grey clouds on the sky above his head, and even thought it wasn’t raining currently, Ushijima swore he could feel it – feel the rain on his skin.

He began to turn towards the direction where he went every single day.

_As I’m supposed to._

He stopped.

He slowly turned his head to his left. Turned away from the direction which he took every single day.

And somehow, when Ushijima began to walk to the other way, it

felt

like

a

song.

But it was played

_louder_.

**––––––––––––––––**

He eventually ended up in a park where sat down on one of the benches. On the other side of the road, there was a coffee house. Behind him – behind the bench –, there was a building with a painting on it. Ushijima knew the painting, Mitsuko loved the artist. It was ‘_The Starry Night_’ by Vincent Van Gogh.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima narrowed his eyes and pulled out his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it, looked for his father’s number, and moved his hand to touch ‘_call_’.

His hand hovered above it, not seeming to find the destination.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima dropped his gaze down and then gave out a tired sigh. “And what would I say, mom?”

_I miss you. I want to see you. I wish we could meet more. I’m sorry I declined all your previous calls._

_I’m sorry my life isn’t that exciting as yours._

But then, no one else lead that much of an exciting life. Ushijima knew – he saw, he _noticed_.

He stared down at his phone, looking at his dad’s number.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima pressed down the button and then brought it over his ears, waiting for him to pick up.

_And what would you say?_

“Wakatoshi, finally!” Ushijima froze when he heard his dad’s voice, filled with gratefulness, worry and happiness. “I thought you’d never pick up, you scared the hell out of me–”

“Dad,” Ushijima began, clenching the phone.

“Yes, I’m here, shoot, what’s wrong?” Takashi answered immediately, listening.

_And what would you say?_

Ushijima’s days were as same as everyone else’s. Nothing happened to him, nothing extraordinary, nothing which seemed to be out of place.

And yet

he

could

feel

the

rain

on

his

face.

_And what would you say?_

Ushijima’s voice was loud – so loud and confident that even the birds stopped for a moment while flying.

_I want to join in conversations._

It was so loud that the sky fell down and it really started to rain.

_I want to be different._

He was sitting in a park which he hadn’t seen before, because he followed a path he had never turned to choose before, sitting on a bench in front of a painting on the wall, gazing up towards the dark sky, letting the rain touch his face, as he heard himself saying something he never thought he’d say.

“I want to wear colors.”

His dad went silent for a minute and the rain felt so loud. But then he spoke – and even though he had no idea how Ushijima really meant –, he said just as confidently, just as loudly like his son did,

“No one has ever said you couldn’t.”

And Ushijima began to cry.

**–––––––––––––––––**

_Sonder:_

(n.) The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I want to wear colors," line will be forever in my mind. I'm not usually satisfied with my lines and there are a few which I am in love with but oh my god, guys
> 
> "I want to wear colors," – this hold so much depth I cried.
> 
> It's so haunting. 
> 
> I really think this part is my fav.


	4. Flaneur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really think this is my fav chapter.
> 
> PS: I say this all the time I know BUT HOW CAN I NOT LIK–––
> 
> Love all of you

**Chapter 4**

**Flaneur**

Today, when Ushijima noticed the note on the fridge he did not move to get closer to read it.

_Have a nice day in school, food is in the fridge, tell grandma her books are going to arrive later._

_Call your dad._

_Love you._

Ushijima felt a gentle flutter in his heart as he remembered his father’s words.

_“...I want to wear colors.”_

_“No one has ever said you couldn’t...”_

His eyes softened as Ushijima gave out a little smile, looking at the note.

It’s as if his heart

got

lighter.

**––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima went outside and locked the door, of their house, he began to turn right–

and

stopped.

He looked up and saw grey clouds – a little shine of the sun breaking through. The white bright lines of the sky, contrasting the dark grey.

_Like a painting._

And Ushijima turned ahead and began to walk a path he had never chosen before.

His steps echoed this time – they echoed louder. As if he was more, as if he was someone who walked the city

only

to

feel

that

change

_again_.

**––––––––––––––––**

“Can I help you?” a woman walked close to Ushijima, who was currently holding three different types of colorful hoodies in his hands in the shop.

Ushijima looked down at her – he was taller, so much taller –, and saw how, despite her wearing the work uniform, colorful she looked. There was purple ribbon in her hair, bracelets in all kinds of color.

_Even though her work uniform is black, she brings color into her life._

“My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he said with careful eyes, looking at her.

Her eyes widened, she seemed happier for some reason. “Nice to meet you, I’m Uta.”

And then Ushijima realized.

_Not many people seem to ask her name._

But he did.

_I wouldn’t have asked her name before, right?_

Would Ushijima have done that before he had realized his rain?

_And when have I ever began to think about things like this?_

“Can you please help me, Uta–san?” he addressed her politely. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Uta, for the first time Ushijima stepped in the shop, smiled. It felt as joyful as a song in a church.

**––––––––––––––**

“There are way too many yellows and blues, Uta–san,” Ushijima stood there and watched how the woman put hoodies, sweaters and T–shirt, into his hands – starting to build a tower of clothes.

“You have green eyes, Ushijima–chan,” she said, not even looking back, just walking to another section of clothes, Ushijima following her. “These colors will look good on you, trust Uta on this.”

“You’re speaking in third person about yourself–”

“Just try it on, darling,” Uta chuckled and then turned her back on him, looking around for accessories.

Ushijima sighed and put the clothes away, on an armchair. Leaving his T–shirt on, he chose a beige colored sweater to put on, and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows.

“Ushijima–chan,” Uta turned around to put the baseball hat on him but then froze and stared.

Ushijima frowned, confused – and noticed how a lot of people in the shop stopped to look at him. Uta then slowly put the baseball hat on him. She let her hands hover there, and then only pulled them back after a couple of minutes.

She was staring at him, speechless.

“Uta–senpai!” A boy who was probably the same age as him, was heading towards them with big gestures. “I’ve been searching you forever, what are–”

He noticed Ushijima and halted in his steps, completely stunned. Ushijima raised an eyebrow, confused.

“Is it _really_ that bad?” he touched the dark green baseball hat, looking at them.

Both Uta and the boy stood there, astonished – and then Ushijima saw a little change. Both of them gave out a soft smile and without another word, Uta touched Ushijima’s shoulders. “Uta–san, what are you–” and turned him around, just to find himself facing a long mirror.

His words died in his throat.

The dark green baseball hat, that beige sweater, the dark elegant pants with the comfortable shoes.

He looked so mature. So confident and real.

He looked like a person you could point out in a crowd – because he was different, because he stood out.

He saw someone else in that mirror.

He turned around and noticed Uta’s smug, and the boy’s joyful grin. Ushijima felt it happen – it was slow and noticeable and it meant

so

much.

He felt it.

_He felt it when he started to smile._

Utawalked closer, adjusted the baseball hat on his head and said with a wink, “Happiness suits you.”

His heart melted. Ushijima’s eyes softened as he pulled her into a hug, feeling his joy radiate through. “Thank you, Uta.” he smiled with his whole soul.

_Because how can I not smile when_

_you_

_gave_

_me_

_colors._

**––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was walking in the city, holding three shopping bags when it started to rain. He was surrounded by adults and teenagers, and kids wearing black, and grey, and white–

And

Ushijima

raised

his

head

again.

The sky wanted to fall down – he felt it drop on his skin, on his face.

_He was wearing colors._

A person wearing colors, surrounded by thousands of blacks.

It was as if his soul grew into the sky.

Just to touch those clouds,

just

to

feel

that

rain.

He didn’t move – he let the sky tore itself apart and crash into him. He let the rain consume his colors.

He let the world see what it means to embrace creativity.

**––––––––––––––––––**

There was a knock on the door and Ushijima stood up from the sofa, walked to the front door and opened it.

It was Tendou.

“Okay,” he began, looking very stressed out. “How can you not come to school, when you said we would talk–”

Tendou noticed what he was wearing and stopped talking. Ushijima froze, too.

He only now noticed. He had no idea how he hadn't noticed earlier. It was the most perfect thing in the world.

Because Tendou was colorful by himself – his hair, his personality. He did not need clothes to show, to express the core of his soul.

It was the most perfect thing in the world, to notice this only now. It was.

Because despite all of this–

_Tendou always wore colors._

**––––––––––––––––**

“Shopping all day, huh? Talking with your dad, huh? Standing below the rain, huh? I would have never thought, Wakatoshi,” Tendou chuckled, drinking a tea, sitting out in the terrace. The sky was filled with stars. Stars and clouds.

Ushijima was looking up. He forgot how to look down.

_I forgot why I wanted to look down at all._

“I’ve never seen you smile.”

He lowered his head and looked at Tendou, who was sitting there, dumbstruck. Ushijima only then felt it.

_He had been smiling the whole day._

He spoke with honesty, “There wasn’t much to smile about up until now–”

His breath hitched in his throat as a thought slipped into his mind.

_There was._

You just didn’t notice.

“Why is this happening? How can it even be possible?” Tendou asked quietly and Ushijima looked up again.

“I have no idea, and in all honesty, I don’t care,” he answered. Before Tendou could have ask, Ushijima continued, “I feel like I’ve lived in a time loop since my dad left, Tendou. These time loop days are the same as my regular normal days. Nothing ever changed. Nothing, until...”

“Until you realized it could change,” Tendou finished and Ushijima, without even looking, could feel the smile in his voice.

It made him smile as well.

_Yes._

_Until I realized it could change._

Silence fell between them – comfortable enough to not notice, yet weird enough so that Ushijima turned back to Tendou.

Surprisingly, that was when Tendou spoke with a quiet voice,

“Wakatoshi, do you think I’m weird?”

His blood ran cold. It felt like a punch in the gut. His mind began to turn into a hurricane as his eyes widened with surprise and fear and–

“_No_,” Ushijima said, his heart turned weak for his best friend. “You never were.”

He was desperately waiting for Tendou to say something – the red head wasn’t even looking at him, he was looking down.

_Tendou was looking down as he did back then._

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Tendou closed his eyes and he looked so _small_, Ushijima wanted to hug him. “I mean, why no one else sees that we’re living the same day,” he sighed and buried his face into his hands. “I’m just... why me?” Ushijima noticed he was shaking. “Of all the people, why me?” his voice turned strained and– “Why _me_?”

_Tendou_

_was_

_crying._

Ushijima’s throat closed off, the pain was choking him – staring at Tendou who looked like a lost child, crying and shaking–

Without thinking, Ushijima stood up from his chair and kneeled down in front of him and gently pulled Tendou’s hands away.

Tendou’s eyes were shining with tears, he couldn’t stop shaking. Ushijima’s vision felt blurry for a moment because this was Tendou – confident, energetic Tendou who had the biggest heart in this world

and

his

best

friend.

_You need to be strong.._

Ushijima took Tendou’s hands into his when the red head wanted to turn away.

_Be as strong as your dad._

“_It’s just not fair_, _it’s so cruel,_” Tendou whimpered, gripping Ushijima’s hands with immense strength. He looked so afraid. “And I... I_... can’t even_... it’s too much, god–”

“It’s insane, it’s cruel, it’s monotone, it’s a never ending nightmare” Ushijima said, fighting back his tears, looking at Tendou. “But we can make it better, we can make it more – I really believe we can make a change, I believe it so much Tendou, it’s as real as it can be.”

Tendou closed his eyes and leaned on Ushijima’s shoulder, silently crying. “I want to believe you so much,” Ushijima hugged him, a single tear escaped, rolling down on his cheek. “I don’t want to have these days, I don’t want to, I don’t want to–”

And Ushijima, before he could really think through, said the first thing his soul wanted him to say;

“We’re going to change so much, it won’t ever feel like it’s the same day.”

And in that moment Ushijima felt something. It touched his hair and skin. Tendou felt it too – he stopped shaking.

Like a song, it began.

It was as if his soul grew into the sky.

Ushijima

raised

his

head

again.

Because it started to rain.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

_Flaneur:_

(n.) A person who strolls the city in order to experience it

“To wander with no purpose”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: can you hear my shattered soul? 
> 
> PPS: Ushijima my son was so handsome everyone stopped in that shop. Iwa is one lucky guy :3333


	5. Fernweh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my adorable–evils!!! I'm here again with a new chapter!! Love all of you!!
> 
> PS: This is an iconic one, damn. SO MUCH MENTIONS OF OTHER PARTS AND PEOPLE

**Chapter 5**

**Fernweh**

“So I told him there was no way you can do that, and then he–”

Ushijima’s grandma turned back while she was cooking, looking at his best friend sitting at the table. Mitsuko frowned. “Slow down, Satori, I can’t follow–”

Tendou clicked his tongue. “Granny,” he said and then pretended to wipe a tear away. “You’re not even listening to me.”

Mitsuko put her hand on her waist still holding the wooden spoon, seemingly not very impressed. “You were saying how your cousin is going to have a wedding tomorrow in Busan and the bride’s father, Ito, seems a lot for him to handle–”

Ushijima was sitting at the other side of the table, with crossed arms, watching their bickering with an amused smile.

“Yes, and how I have to fly to Busan for tomorrow and I have no idea how–”

“I just don’t understand why would you _not_ go to a wedding you’re invited to, Satori–”

“Granny, it’s not about being invited or not, it’s about being able to fly over there–”

“Satori, I still don’t get it–”

“Granny, I can’t fly.”

Ushijima bit back his laugh when he saw his grandma’s shocked expression. She then said, with a very calm voice, “Of course you can’t fly, Satori.”

Tendou was staring at her before he realized what she meant. “No. I mean, I’m afraid of planes and stuff.”

Mitsuko looked like as if she wanted to hit Tendou with that wooden spoon. “That’s not an excuse.”

Tendou’s jaw fell and Ushijima choked on his own spit – he put his hands over his mouth.

Mitsuko and Tendou just looked at each other for a whole silent minute. It looked like a scene from a Western movie, when the two cowboys try to figure out who will pick the gun first.

And then both of them started speaking at the same time:

“What do you mean that’s not an excuse–”

“Satori, don’t let your cousin down, what if he faints, that poor man? He’s going to need you–”

“That man is dead, his father in law will kill him, that’s for sure–”

“So you won’t go because you think he’ll die–”

“I won’t go cause I ain’t ready to handle so much bullshit–”

The doorbell rang.

Ushijima raised an eyebrow and then noticed how neither Tendou, nor his grandma heard it, they were still bickering. He stood up from the kitchen and then walked to the front door, opened it, and his eyes went round.

Kawanishi Taichi was standing there with a determined expression on his face. Like a man who was about to massacre the whole government without an ease, all alone.

Ushijima couldn’t even speak – he opened his mouth and then closed it again, not finding his words.

It seemed he didn't need to struggle so much more, because Kawanishi decided this was the time to speak up:

“We gotta talk,” he stared at him.

_They’ve never talked before, about anything at all._

Ushijima – still confused – looked back to see if Kawanishi was talking to someone else. No one was there.

_What._

Ushijima looked back at Kawanishi at pointed at himself. “You want to talk to me?” he didn’t believe it. “_Me_?”

Kawanishi rolled his eyes. “Yeah, _you_,” he looked inside. “Can I come in? It’s important.”

Ushijima, after he got out of the shock, moved away and invited Kawanishi in. The younger boy took off his shoes and bowed before he went in.

_This has never happened before._

Ushijima closed the front door and then showed Kawanishi the way to the kitchen. His dark ginger hair was the only thing Ushijima could focus because he had no idea what was going on.

When they got close to the kitchen, the only thing Ushijima heard were frighteningly similar to a soap opera scene from a Tv show.

“Your ancestors won’t be satisfied or proud, if you don’t show up at the wedding–”

“My ancestors won’t give a damn and how many times do I have to tell you that even if the sky falls down, I will still not put my foot on a god–given airplane–”

“Satori, it won’t fall down–”

“Granny, your soup is burning up–”

“What? I’m not mad, I’m just saying–”

“No, Mitsuko, your soup is literally boiling–”

“JESUS CHRIST–”

Kawanishi stood there, petrified, looking at the chaos which was in front of him while Ushijima just cleared his throat, trying to grab both of them – if not his grandma –, then at least, Tendou’s attention.

It worked.

Both of them turned around, surprised and confused. Tendou looked at the chair where Ushijima had sat awhile ago. Ushijima chuckled.

_He just noticed I walked away._

Mitsuko, as it seemed, too – because she looked at the chair –, but then raised her gaze to meet Kawanishi’s.

Tendou did as well.

“Hello,” his grandma and Tendou said at the same time. Mitsuko pointed at a chair with a smile. “Please sit down, the soup is almost done.”

There were lilies on the table in a vase, plates and spoons, and golden candles for the rainy day. Ushijima supposed it look rather comfy and welcoming.

Kawanishi bit his bottom lip and turned to Ushijima. He shrugged and nodded. “Go ahead.”

The younger boy nodded, too. He sat on a chair where he could see everybody well enough. Ushijima sat down where he usually did, next to Tendou. Mitsuko turned back to continue the soup and said, “Tendou, can you please grab another plate and spoon for our guest?”

Tendou stood up without a word, “Roger that, granny.” He went to the drawers, pulled out a spoon and went to pull out a plate, too. He walked back towards the table, where Kawanishi was sitting, and then – only then –, the younger boy said,

“Kenjirou confessed to Semi.”

Tendou

dropped

the

plate.

Mitsuko gasped seeing this – Ushijima caught it before it fell down and put it down on the table. On the outside, only his strict expression could be seen.

On the inside he was screaming.

“WHAT?!” Tendou yelled and grabbed Kawanishi by his collar with one hand. His other hand was still clutching the spoon. “WHAT?!”

“Tendou, quit screaming into my ear–”

“KAWANISHI!”

“Tendou, I’ll be deaf–”

Ushijima couldn’t even think or comprehend what was happening in front of him. He just said, “Are you sure?”

Kawanishi tried to pull Tendou off him. “Yes, I’m certain,” he said with a calm voice. “I overheard it.”

Tendou hit him on his head with the spoon.

Several things happened then.

Mitsuko clicked her tongue and said, “Satori, no violence in my house.”

Tendou then sheepishly answered and leaned back, “Sorry, granny, love ya.”

He went back to his seat and sat down. Ushijima took the spoon out to Tendou’s hand and put it on the table.

Kawanishi was touching his head with a pained expression, glaring at Tendou. “I’ll get you back for this.”

“Hah,” Tendou’s smile was smug. “And people say you’re smart.”

“Smarter than you.”

“Probably.”

Kawanishi scowled. “What?”

Mitsuko put the soups down in front of them – she made chicken soup. “Enjoy your meal, kids,” she pressed a kiss on Ushijima’s forehead and then walked out of the kitchen. “I’m out.”

Ushijima smiled. “Where you’re going?”

Mitsuko only said, “I’m meeting with an old friend.”

She always said this nowadays.

_I wonder who she is meeting with._

He shrugged, next time he will ask her.

The chicken soup’s heavenly smell hit Ushijima’s nose and he took the spoon into his hands and started to eat. He saw the delicious looking vegetables; carrots, green peas and meat and the noodles.

“Are you serious?” Tendou asked while he was staring at Kawanishi and Ushijima, both of them eating. “You’re really eating after that revelation? Like nothing happened?”

Kawanishi got bolder now – Ushijima’s grandma wasn't in the room–, because he only said this, with the most serious face Ushijima had ever seen;

“They’ve been fucking since months.”

Ushijima choked on his soup, Tendou choked on his own spit, and Kawanishi was only slurping the noodles like a good and well mannered kindergartener.

“I have no idea how it happened, but all in all, Kenjirou got feelings,” Kawanishi continued the story, not seeming to notice or care that Tendou and Ushijima were still dying and coughing like there was no tomorrow. “I knew about them but I had no idea about the ‘feeling’ part. As the young folks say nowadays, shit just got real.”

Tendou got back his life all of a sudden and stopped coughing. “Kawanishi, you’re seventeen.”

Kawanishi only sent him a look. “I’m old, believe me. You should see me how I climb the stairs.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“How could we not notice that?” Ushijima gained back his composure. “I mean really– Tendou how could _you _not notice that?”

“Me?!” Tendou raised his arms in defense, eyes wide. “How could I notice something like that? It’s not as if saint Shirabu shows off some hickeys during practice as trophies– oh god, why can I imagine this happening–”

“The point is,” Kawanishi said. “That Semi turned him down.”

Tendou breathed wrong and started to cough hackingly, touching his chest. Ushijima hit his back a couple of times until he got better.

“He did what?” Tendou panicked and began to eat his chicken soup with distress. “Oh no, oh no, that is bad–”

Kawanishi began to nod with a mocking smile, as if he was saying to Tendou ‘_good job, yes, we’re fucked, you figured it out_’.

Ushijima remembered when Shirabu looked away, gazing into nothing, when he thought no one was looking. “He must be devastated.”

Kawanishi, for the first time, looked sad. For some reason, it made Ushijima feel guilty. He did not do anything, this was not his fault at all, but–

_I should have noticed something at least._

“I’m sorry,” Ushijima said and it meant it with all his soul. “We’re gonna ask Semi why. Tendou could ask actually,” he had an idea, “Semi work at this place called ‘_Mirai_’ and Tendou lives near,” he looked at Tendou. “You could ask him before you go home.”

Tendou’s mouth was filled with vegetables and meat. He only nodded.

They were talking about something else after that, enjoying their food, asking Kawanishi what happened in school because neither Ushijima, nor Tendou went in today.

_Huh._

Ushijima realized.

_Maybe that’s why Kawanishi decided to tell them now. Maybe that’s why this happened for the first time in this time loop._

Because Ushijima and Tendou wasn’t in school, so Kawanishi was alone with his thoughts. This boy who wanted to help his friend.

Who went to Ushijima for help.

Even though they never talked.

_He came to him._

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

“Thank you for the meal, it was delicious, your grandma is very kind,” Kawanishi said while he was putting on his shoes. “And thank you for listening to me and actually do something on the matter. Tell me what Semi said,” he turned around and looked at Ushijima, bowing.

Ushijima couldn’t vanish something out of his mind, standing in the hallway, looking at this younger person. Looking at Kawanishi Taichi.

He had no idea what possessed him to say this – he only knew that after he stood below a falling sky of rain, something changed.

So Ushijima asked,

“Why did you come to me for help, when we’ve never talked before?”

And Kawanishi, without hesitation, answered,

“Because out of all our teammates, I knew you’d actually do something about it and help me.”

And maybe

maybe

Ushijima really felt he started to join. Not just in conversations, not just in colorful clothes.

_No_.

He started to join in something else.

It’s as if he had been missing a place he had never been before. Something which was far out of his reach, which seemed too distant before.

He missed a place inside of him.

A place which said it was okay, even if it was a bit late, it was okay.

_It’s okay to join in this little thing called life._

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“So you had a great day, that’s amazing, Wakatoshi,” his dad said over the phone. Ushijima could feel the smile in his voice. “I had one, too.”

Ushijima was staring at his ceiling, hearing the rain knocking on his window – the lights of the street gave a golden shine close to it, making it ethereal.

He remembered his promise as the night.

_“We’re going to change so much, it won’t ever feel like it’s the same day.”_

And Ushijima, before he could really think through, said the first thing his soul wanted him to say;

“I know it’s Tuesday, dad,” he said and pressed his lips into a thin line. The pain shocked him, he closed his eyes. “I know it’s Tuesday.”

_My days are so different now, that I know what day it is._

_I know it’s Tuesday._

His dad was silent but then he said, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I can tell by your voice that you’re happier than you’ve ever been.”

And Ushijima felt his soul drag down the rain to this earth only to show what it means to feel.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

His phone was going off. Ushijima yawned and accepted the call before looking who it was, brought it over his ear and said, “Hello?”

“Ushijima, you’re not gonna believe me what happened.”

Tendou. Of course it was Tendou at two o’clockin the morning.

“Tendou,” Ushijima began and rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. “The last time you said this you were in Budapest with Bokuto and–”

“Let’s not talk about that night,” he still sounded excited. “You have no idea what just happened–”

“Now you’re just repeating yourself–”

“You know how I should have gone to ‘_Mirai_’ and ask Semi what was going on with him? Yeah, well I thought I’d drop by a convenience store to buy something... and then something happened.”

Ushijima started to feel impatient. “Just tell me already–”

“I just got out of jail because there was a robbery and I was one of the people who prevented it along with the other guy, who I’m pretty sure is in a time loop, too. I did a bit of a research on him and he plays volleyball. His name is Kageyama Tobio.”

Ushijima couldn’t even move, let alone say anything. He just froze.

“Wakatoshi, you there, breathing and all or should I call the ambulance?”

**––––––––––––––––**

_Fernweh:_

(n.) An ache for distant places

“Missing a place you’ve never been”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: Mitsuko and Tendou. Name more iconic duo. I wait.
> 
> PPS: "I know it's Tuesday, dad" DOESN ANYONE ELSE FELT THAT OR IT JUST ME. DAMN.
> 
> PPPS: Kawanishi is big ass mood, I love that boi


	6. Balter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His my adorable–evils!
> 
> SO I THINK THIS IS MY FAV CHAPTER IM–
> 
> PS: This puts all the previous parts to shame don't touch me how could I top all of the previous parts and chapter IM–
> 
> PPS: Im crying this chapter is beautiful
> 
> love all of you!!!

**Chapter 6**

**Balter**

“How are you so sure that he’s also in a time loop?” Ushijima asked sitting on his bed, looking at Tendou who was sitting at the other side of his bed, hugging a big, fluffy pillow. His hair looked like a nest, but his eyes screamed adrenalin.

_That robbery really woke him up, huh?_

After the incident and the phone call, Ushijima called Tendou over to stay at his. He didn’t want Tendou to be alone after something like this – even if nothing bad happened, even if he stole a freaking deodorant to trigger an alarm.

Tendou started nodding with wide eyes, completely sure. “He is, I swear. You guys have different eyes, like you saw things only old people could.”

_Interesting._

Ushijima didn’t even bat an eye, he just hummed, full of wonder. “You really stole a deodorant, didn’t you?”

“It’s only stealing if they didn’t see you taking it.”

Ushijima looked at him with deep silence, and then said, “That does not seem like a valid point.”

“But you don’t know all the facts.”

_Tendou keeps saying this._

“You keep saying this.”

“But you still don’t know all the facts.”

“Which are?”

“I thought it was a perfume.”

Tendou looked so serious saying this, Ushijima did not know whether to laugh or frown. “How does that justifiy what happened?”

Tendou raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” he almost sang. “It wouldn’t justify it. I just hoped you’d think I was smarter to use something that would not break so easily – like a deodorant.”

Ushijima couldn’t help to give out a little smile. “I’m very impressed how you caught a criminal with Kageyama Tobio, Tendou. I really am.”

Tendou’s whole face lit up with light. “You really are?”

Ushijima chuckled, shaking his head.

_This idiot._

“Yeah I am, especially because you did it without getting hurt,” Ushijima said and watched as Tendou grabbed a gummy bear out of the sac he had been holding all this time. Tendou was similar to a little kid, smiling, eating his sweet thing. Hugging a pillow to his chest, sitting on his bed, wearing a big hoodie.

_I would have loved to have a friend like him when I was a little._

But unfortunately, him and Tendou only met way later, only in high school.

Tendou turned his head towards the window and Ushijima followed his gaze. It was night, after midnight. The stars were glowing in the clear sky, the moonlight shone through the curtains, lighting up the whole room and them, too, with a light shade of pale blue.

Ushijima frowned, gazing outside.

_I don’t remember when was the last time I stared so long at such things like this._

He didn’t remember when was the last time he stopped to actually look at something. To really look.

He had no idea when was that.

But did that matter anymore?

_No._

He supposed, not really.

_It only matters what will happen now._

“I wonder if he’s lonely.”

Ushijima’s body went still as he looked back at Tendou. The red head was still gazing outside of the window, holding a little red gummy bear. He seemed thoughtful.

Ushijima finally realized what Tendou said. “Kageyama?” he asked without looking away. His best friend started to act more and more serious nowadays–

_Or he was always this serious and I just didn’t notice._

Or Tendou hid it too well – wanted to hide it well.

_But if that was the case–_

_Why?_

“Remember when I told you that I was bullied in primary school?” Tendou asked with a strange voice.

Ushijima almost flinched. “I do,” he said, trying to control his anger.

A lot of children hurt Tendou because of how he looked like when he was little, not to mention because of the way he played. He just saw all the moves before it happened, saw all the possibilites before the opponents even started to think.

_People were cruel in Tendou’s world._

At least every person who connected to his childhood minus his mother. Ushijima was angry he couldn’t be there – he was angry no one helped that little boy who was bullied –, only because it was easier to look away, or brush it off, or just don’t care about it at all because kids will be kids and adults will be adults, and sometimes it’s not fair and it doesn’t make any sense.

Ushijima just wished Tendou would heal that part of himself. But he knew that part, that those memories would never really go away.

Ushijima made his body relax and tried to focus on Tendou again. He was still looking out the window, his posture seemed comfortable.

“There was no one he could call to the police station to get him, Wakatoshi,” Tendou said quietly. “He thanked me, but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything flashy or remarkable and he thanked me for some reason.”

Ushijima’s heart soared as his eyes softened when he noticed Tendou tearing up. He slowly blinked, and turned back to Ushijima, saying,

“I think I was the first friend he ever made.”

Ushijima felt his soul blend and melt inside of his bones like stardust as he gave him a proud smile and ruffled his hair. That’s when it happened.

Tendou started to cry.

Ushijima took his hand into his and noticed that Tendou was getting more comfortable. “He thanked me – he had no one there with him and he _thanked_ _me_,”Tendou wiped his tears away with his other hand, smiling. “This was one of the best nights of my life.”

And Ushijima, before he could really think it through, whispered the first thing his soul wanted him to say.

“We’re going to change so much, it won’t ever feel like it’s the same day.”

Tendou looked at him, his eyes wide because he realized what Ushijima meant.

Because neither of them felt like the same they were, because neither of them were this open before, because Tendou just made someone’s day, because Ushijima was wearing colors and knew what day it was today, because Kawanishi came here to ask help–

_Do you understand, Tendou?_

Ushijima looked out to stare at the stars. He felt they were gazing back.

_It’s started way before today – the change._

They started to live new days since Ushijima looked up and the crashing sky made him reborn.

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

“I have this feeling–”

Tendou actually looked scared, sitting at the table in the school canteen, eating his instant ramen. “Wakatoshi, you keep having this hunches and they creep me the hell out–”

Ushijima was looking behind Tendou, staring at Shirabu. He noticed something, he tapped Tendou’s wrist to get his attention. “Tendou.”

“No, I’m just saying that whenever you get these feelings, I really get chills and not in a good way–”

Ushijima started tapping his wrist faster, desperately trying to make Tendou turn around but Tendou did not even move. “Tendou–”

“I’m serious you should play lottery, that’s what you should do really, I’m so broke, Wakatoshi, I need money–”

_Oh, for the love of–_

Ushijima dropped his chopsticks, grabbed Tendou’s jaw and turned him towards Shirabu.

“Oh fucking hell,” Tendou mumbled and Ushijima let him go.

Shirabu’s eyes were puffy as he was touching his temple, sitting next to Kawanishi who was looking at his friend with a thoughtful expression.

Ushijima’s eyes narrowed, remembering what happened last time.

_He did not have a migraine._

He was crying.

“He really made him cry,” Tendou said with a very somber voice. Tendou looked absolutely murderous.

Ushijima tensed up immediately.

“Oh my god no,_ no_,” Reon hurried into the canteen with his tray, dropping it on the table. He sat down and buried his head into his sandwich, always looking behind his back. “No, no, _no–”_

A girl appeared next to their table, slapping her hand on it with a loud sound. Her light pink hair and short height made Ushijima recognize her immediately.

_Dennis._

She was in the drama club with Seth who was Reon’s childhood friend. “Reon, why the hell are you running?”

Ushijima’s eyebrows rose. He looked over Tendou–

The boy had his jaw down.

_Ah, so this didn’t happen in the previous days._

Reon’s eyes widened as he dropped his food, spilling the salad and vegetables all over the place, stood up – the screech of his chair brought everyone’s attention to them –, and he just simply

bolted.

Dennis raised her arms as if she couldn’t belive what she was seeing. “Reon!” she pointed at the poor thing and started to walk towards him. “Why are you running?”

Reon whimpered – with his insane height and strong build –, this man _whimpered_ and _ran_ from Dennis. He started shouting from the other side of the canteen, hiding behind a table, using it as a shield to protect himself. “You know I can’t do it–”

Dennis raised her fists. “_Oh,_ you will do it though,” she started sprinting towards him, and Reon began to back away to another table, not taking his eyes off her. “Seth told you because he couldn’t keep his mouth shout and now you’re the only one who can help me solve this problem of mine–”

Everyone’s head jumped to Dennis and then to Reon, as if they were watching a tennis match.

Reon looked desperate, grabbing the side of a table. “He doesn’t think about things like this, _really_, not at all. He’ll have my head–”

Dennis brought a hand to her chest. She looked pretty vulnerable then. “Please,” she said, almost begged to Reon. “_Please_, just try ask him. Just try, at least for me.”

Reon, for a minute, actually looked considerate.

Everyone got time for a breather.

But then he said,

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Several things happened in that moment.

Dennis and Reon dashed the same time. Dennis ran for Reon’s head – Reon ran to save his head.

Meanwhile, Kawanishi stood up and started to run after Dennis, trying to save Reon. Seth, who seemed to come out of nowhere, joined them to pull back Dennis, who eventually ended up on Reon’s back. Ushijima also noticed Goshiki running to Kawanishi, trying to help his senpai. Reon was struggling to get away but couldn’t. Kawanishi tried to help him escape but it seemed useless, even with Goshiki’s help. Ushijima saw somewhere Shirabu, looking at the scene in front of him with round eyes, full of panic.

The whole canteen went insane.

Tendou stood up and knocked his food over the table. “What the fucking hell is happening?” he whispered and took a look around the room.

People started to cheer and make bets, scream and exchange money way too fast, not to mention, record the whole thing with their phones.

Reon fell to his knees, his shirt was a mess, Dennis was still clinging on his back, trying to make him admit defeat. Kawanishi tried to pull one of Dennis’s legs, Goshiki tried to pull one of her arms, while Seth clearly had no fucking idea what was going on.

_Where were the teachers at, though?_

Ushijima looked the calmest person alive, as he quietly started to look around for adults – but when his eyes found the door in the canteen–

_Oh Mary and the Holy Jesus of his grandma’s church._

Yamagata and Semi arrived, holding their trays in their hands.

Now, before something happens – here’s what Ushijima knew about Semi.

He was pretty simple, really. No one messed with him because of his past, because he could scare anyone, only with a mere look and got into a lof of fights, winning every single one of them singlehandedly. No one could miss him and everyone was aware of him – he stood out with his tattoos, his almost white hair, and his several piercings in his ears and in his eyebrows –, so everyone seemed to be aware of his somewhat very important rules, too.

The most important one was as simple as he was, really.

_Rule number 1:_

_Don’t touch his teammates._

Ushijima winced, seeing Semi’s dark eyes and the storm in his expression.

_This is not going to end well._

Tendou, who turned around somewhat earlier, followed Ushijima’s gaze, and came to the same conclusion as he did.

Because Tendou only said this, softly, like the silence before the storm who was Semi Eita:

“Oh fuck my life.”

Semi dropped his tray and moved like a monster.

The

crowd

lost

its

mind.

Semi punched Seth, trying to make him get away from Reon, trying to help Goshiki and Kawanishi to pull Dennis off Reon. Seth, who was pure muscle because of football, almost broke Semi’s cheekbone with his hit.

Even Dennis, Kawanishi, Goshiki and Reon stopped what they were doing. As if time had been stopped for a minute.

Everyone went silent.

Ushijima stood up and Tendou’s stance went rigid. He looked at Shirabu, who stood up as well, and was very pale and frightened.

Semi touched his bruised, bleeding face, his blonde, almost white hair covered his eyes as he

spat

out

the

blood

from

his

mouth.

Semi narrowed his eyes and slowly, calmly touched Seth’s wrist and with a horrifying sound

twisted

it.

It went nuts – everything went nuts.

Yamagata dropped his tray, began screaming, and with full speed, crashed into Seth and held him down on the ground and started punching him in the face.

Money was flying everywhere, Kawanishi was holding Dennis’s waist, Goshiki was pulling Reon, Semi was shouting at Dennis, she was shouting back–

Tendou somehow got there and tried to play pacifist, holding them out of the other’s reach–

“Fifty on Satori? Anyone who has fifty–”

“I hear twenty five on Kawanishi? We got twenty five, people–”

“Here’s the sixty for Semi breaking the wrist, good call Hikari–”

Ushijima watched the chaos going down and he couldn’t help but grin. He almost started laughing – he couldn’t vanish the smile off his face.

_This memory, this day will always remain. He will always remember it._

Ushijima raised his voice and his arms in a calm, very sensible manner, thinking–

_Farewell, monotone, similar days._

“And who will bet on me?” Ushijima asked and everybody stopped to look at him – the money froze in people’s hands, they looked up from their cameras, his team stopped beating Seth, Dennis stopped shouting.

He noticed a person who always bullied the little ones and he made his way into his table. Everyone was watching him, watching his every move.

Ushijima stopped in front of Rikko, who was much more taller and stronger than he was. He looked at Ushijima, confused for his life.

But then

Ushijima

clenched his fist and broke Rikko’s jaw.

And

everyone

started

to

howl.

Tendou’s jaw fell down, Semi was grinning proudly, Dennis’s eyes went round, Reon fell down to the ground, Shirabu had to sit down, but he missed it and fell to the ground, people started to jump up and down–

“oh my LORD–”

“Seventy? Seventy on Ushijima Wakatoshi, our golden ace, let’s go people, let’s go– hundred? I hear hundred–”

“DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT–”

“I hear thousand? Anyone up for a thousand? How do you guys even have that money–”

“THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE–”

“Like seriously, what do you guys work–”

“THIS WAS SO HOT–”

“SOMEBODY CALL THE AMBULANCE–”

Ushijima winced as he touched his bloody, bruised knuckles. It hurt a little. Rikko was out, lost his consciousness, his friends though, seemed as mad as the devil on Sunday.

They rolled up their sleeves and started to walk towards Ushijima, who put up his best stance and raised his arms close to his body, like a boxer–

Everyone from the team attacked them, hit Rikko’s gang and almost broke their limbs and arms. Goshiki, Semi and Kawanishi, Yamagata and Tendou – even Reon joined to help to Ushijima with a war cry.

And after all

seeing this

he couldn’t help.

He burst out laughing.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“Will any one of you tell me what happened down at the canteen? Especially how did almost all of the members in the volleyball team get here?” Mr. Yoruma looked at them behind his desk at detention.

Dennis, Seth, Reon, Kawanishi, Yamagata, Goshiki, and Semi all had bruises and bandages on their hands, faces and necks. They were sitting at their desks in the classroom, most of them crossing their arms over their chests, not saying anything, just like suspects during an interrogation for a homicide case, surrounded by cops.

Ushijima and Tendou sat in the back – Ushijima had a bandage around his fist, over his knuckles. He was poking it then and now, feeling the pain, remembering what he did to Rikko, to that bully.

He couldn’t even wipe the grin off his face, even if he tried.

“No?” Mr. Yoruma said, looking at every each of them. “Then you’re going to be in detention for the next three weeks.”

Tendou hid a snort with his hands and Ushijima grinned at that more.

_Detention for three weeks in a time loop, huh?_

Better luck next time.

Mr. Yoruma seemed to give up with a tired sigh and then his phone began to ring. He pulled out of the pocket of his jacket, looked down who it was. He walked out of the room to pick it up.

Tendou suddenly turned to Ushijima with a desperate look. “I try to control the situation, I look away for one time, and what you do?” he had a painful frown on his face. “_‘Who will bet on me’_, really?”

Ushijima couldn’t stop grinning. He didn’t even feel sorry.

Kawanishi gave him a salute when he saw this, Goshiki literally had stars in his eyes, Reon’s smile was as wide as the joy he felt, Yamagata started laughing.

Semi said, with a voice full of delight, “It was a good punch, though.”

Tendou wasn’t having it, he almost cried. “And what you do?”

Ushijima laughed into his face.

Tendou was gobsmacked, absolutely speechless. But then he said, “I seriously feel like a single mom, raising seven kids, give or take.”

Yamagata bit back a grin. “Who said you aren’t?”

“Hayato!”

“Satori!”

Ushijima fell down on his desk, laughing so hard it echoed even in the halls.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“You look like shit,” Tendou told Semi this, looking into his eyes, sitting at a table with Ushijima at ‘_Mirai_’ close to nine in the evening, way long after detention.

Semi looked up from the note he started to write on with a pen, trying to take their orders. His hair was messy, his lips were bruised just as one side of his face, close to the cheekbone – where Seth hit him. The bar wasn’t filled with people but there were a few here – eighteen year olds or more, in Ushijima’s opinion. But those who weren’t eating, were playing darts at the other end of the bar. The signs were neons, pink and green and blue.

_‘Mirai’_ what a name for a bar.

It meant _future_.

“I’m very handsome when I’m not covered in bruises, however, you always look like shit,” Semi said simply, but everyone knew he was just messing with Tendou.

Tendou sent him a smile. A smile which screamed, _‘you can go fuck yourself.’_

“Will you two order or can I leave?” Semi asked, not giving a shit whatsoever. “I’m busy, I’m working here, you know–”

“Why did you turn Shirabu down?” Ushijima asked, going straight for the head.

Tendou’s eyes almost fell out of its place, as he looked at Ushijima. Semi’s eyes went round with shock for a minute, but then he gathered himself and looked around. When he was done, he sat down in front of them and asked,

“How do you two know this? From who? From where? Did he tell you?”

Ushijima’s eyes met Tendou’s, but before he could open his mouth and answer, Tendou spoke,

“You two are not exactly subtle,” he had a smug grin on his face. “I’m the guess monster, after all.”

Ushijima wasn’t amused at all – he placed a hand across his face, giving out a loud sigh.

_This idiot._

When he looked up again he focused on Semi. Ushijima had no idea but–

Maybe the way he was sitting there, or how he was holding himself, or how he did not smile or narrowed his eyes, or the way the neon lights shone on his skin, gold and red and yellow–

But Semi looked so mature.

He noticed how Tendou’s breath hitched next to him– maybe he felt the same.

Semi wiped his eyes with his knuckles, gently and carefully. As if he was trying to vanish all his worry, with one swipe of his hand.

Ushijima could tell it did not help.

“I will go to college soon and he has one more year,” Semi said, his voice got low and serious. “I’ll have to move, he stays. It’d never work.”

Ushijima was too stunned to speak.

Tendou pulled himself together way faster than he did. The pink neon light caught his red hair, making it purple.

“So you love him, too?”

Ushijima wiped his sweaty hands into his jeans and looked at him, waiting for his answer.

Semi looked way older when he looked down and said, “It doesn’t matter, if I go away.”

The gold and the purple neon lights dance with his white hair and Ushijima suddenly didn’t hear the people in the bar, didn’t see anything except the three of them, when he said,

“So don’t go.”

His voice was strange – it was soft and gentle. Something new, something entirely else. He could tell it surprised both Tendou and Semi.

Because when he spoke just now, he thought about his rain.

Semi found his eyes and said with a soft voice, “You know I have to.”

But Ushijima only smiled. A gentle, soulful smile. He reached towards with his bandaged hand and touched Semi’s.

He leaned closer and a white neon light shone above him, giving him an eternal glow.

Both Semi and Tendou stopped moving.

And Ushijima didn’t know about anything love because he had never been in love and he didn’t search for love, and he had no idea what Shirabu really want or feel, and he had no idea what Semi really thinks when no one is looking–

Yet, he still wanted to say what his soul longed to speak;

“But if you love him and he loves you, what’s stopping you?”

Semi forgot to breathe for a moment but Ushijima didn’t notice, nor did he notice Tendou looking at him.

Because Ushijima suddenly remembered all those rushing people, who never stopped to look away. Who simply walked in a rain, minding their own life, not caring about looking around.

As how Semi was trying to run away just now.

Because it would be easier, because it was planned, because it was more comfortable to go than to stay.

Because that’s what he supposed to do. Go to that school which his parents chose for him. As he was supposed to.

Ushijima suddenly realized, how every people _moved_ and _planned_ their life in a different way, yet no one seemed to take a deep breath and begin to move differently.

_Like a dance._

Some danced elegantly, precisely, thinking about every move in their life, planning everything. Some danced out of rhythm, having no idea what to do. Some danced faster than others, some didn’t want to dance at all.

Ushijima was one of the ones who didn’t dance before.

But now he decided to join into this performance called life.

He didn’t know the steps – not one of his own’s yet anyway –, he didn’t know how to control his body, where to put his feet and when he should move.

And yet Ushijima felt different from them, in a way.

Because even though he couldn’t dance perfectly, and he might never will–

_I enjoy every minute of it._

He danced in this thing called life, during a pouring rain, without skill or a specific reason, but with so much joy his soul wanted to touch the sky.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

_Balter:_

(v.) To dance artlessly, without particular grace or skill but usually with enjoyment

“To dance, surrounded by joy”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: This is the best thing ever I'm screaming


	7. Laconic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii my adorable–evils!! I know it's been a while so I wanted to say sorry. This month was hell of a ride!! BUT I'M BACK ON BUSINESS SO TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS HOW ARE YOU AND HOW WAS LIFE?!
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, comments, bookmarks and hits, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! DID YALL KNOW THAT "Don't make me walk when I want to fly" HIT 5K+
> 
> IM
> 
> WHAT–
> 
> u guys are the best of the best!!

**Chapter 7**

**Laconic**

Ushijima was standing before the front door of his house, preparing to go out for the first time today. From the bottom of his heart, he felt excited knowing anything could happen today, and that nothing was set it stone.

_Nothing had ever been set in stone._

Ushijima just didn’t think about it, didn’t care enough to wonder before. Whether fate was an inevitable thing or whether it was something that people could influence with their actions. In all honesty, Ushijima believed with all of his soul that everything happened for a reason.

Because everything had to lead up to one point, of course they did.

One point in everyone’s lives.

One point which will make everything seem worth it.

One point where people will see the reason of their existence.

Maybe Ushijima had already encountered his ‘one point’.

Maybe Ushijima missed his one point.

But maybe, maybe–

_There’s one step ahead before I face everything I’ve ever lived for._

It made sense Ushijima would only find his point now.

Because before all of this–

_I’ve never lived._

**––––––––––––––––––––**

When Ushijima closed his front door, he noticed Park arriving home, his fingers messing with the keys.

“Wakatoshi!” Park waved at him before he closed the door. Ushijima walked to his neighbor and shook his hand. “How are you?”

Ushijima’s heart halted in his chest.

He hated hearing this question addressed to him so many times before in his life. Because people never cared. Because they lived the same monotonous life, walking with umbrellas above their heads.

Ushijima was the same.

He would still be the same.

He would.

Ushijima’s heart halted in his chest. Because he had needed something to woke him up from that state, to make him start noticing things and try living life to the fullest.

So Ushijima gave Park a smile and woke him up, “I recently hit someone in the face,” he grinned as he pulled back his hand and put into the pocket of his coat.

Park took a double take as he mimicked Ushijima’s grin. “What a way to go cowboy,” Park looked impressed. “Weird days we’re having, Ushijima Wakatoshi beating up somebody? Man, next time someone will tell me I’m from Alaska.”

Ushijima laughed. “That would be funny since you’re from Chicago.”

Park snorted, “Tell me about it,” and then he looked up and down at Ushijima. “Something’s weird,” he announced. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“Oh, really? I couldn’t tell,” he couldn’t wipe off his smile, he shrugged. “Maybe I realized I have a place in this world.”

Park’s smile froze on his face.

Ushijima’s did too. “What?” he asked, worried.

But Park just couldn’t look away from Ushijima, his eyes held wonder and something he couldn’t define.

“What?” Ushijima asked quietly.

And Park said, “Someone told me the exact same thing this morning,” he blinked, still in wonder. “Someone younger, a boy in the church.”

Ushijima felt shivers ran down on his spine. “Who was he?”

Park had a little smile on his face, it made him look younger. “I don’t know,” he said. “But I doubt I’ll ever forget him. I asked him why he was there, he answered with the exact same thing you did. And then, for God knows whatever reason, he asked the same thing from me.”

“He asked why you were there?”

Park had an ‘_I know, right?_’ look on his face. “He was a weird kid.”

Ushijima had no idea what made him ask that day. What made him wonder.

All he noticed, that somewhere deep down in his bones, he had to know.

“And what did you tell him?” He spoke with a quiet voice. “Why were you there?”

And Park smiled.

And maybe, just maybe that boy woke Park up from his monotone life.

Because he answered,

“I told him that maybe I wanted to believe that I could run into people like him.”

And Ushijima suddenly noticed how colorful Park looked at that moment.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“Wakatoshi, I need to talk to you,” Reon stopped Ushijima in the hallway before the bell rang in the school.

Ushijima was taken aback. “Yes? Okay?”

Reon nodded with a hesitant smile and started walking towards one of the corners. Ushijima followed him, they went to an empty classroom.

Well, it wasn’t completely empty.

There was Dennis in it. With her light, short pink hair and a quiet storm on her face. Ushijima had a war flashback to yesterday, with money and fists dancing around the canteen.

He sent a slightly panicked look towards Reon’s face. However, Reon seemed quite determined. He was only staring at Dennis, with a pointed look in his eyes.

Dennis, bless her, looked actually embarrassed.

“She wants to ask you something,” Reon stated. “Isn’t that right, Dennis?”

Dennis gave Reon a look. “I wouldn’t be here in the first place if Seth didn’t tell you that I’m–”

“_Isn’t_ that right, Dennis?” Reon folded his arms together in front of his chest.

Ushijima was amazed how brave Reon was in front of Dennis. Because despite how short she was, she was someone to be reckoned with.

She pouted and did a hesitant nod. Reon nodded back and squeezed Ushijima’s left shoulder. “I leave you to it then,” he said and then walked out of the classroom, closing the door, leaving the two unusual individuals there in the awkward silence.

Ushijima supposed this was connected to the thing which made Dennis chase Reon yesterday in the canteen. Other than that, he had no idea what was about to happen.

It turns out, he didn’t need to.

Dennis decided to speak. “There’s something I want to ask you,” she started, but she wasn’t looking at him, she was only looking at her own hands, meddling her fingers. She took a deep breath. “Oh, how do I say this,” she murmured, frowning. “_Jesus_, Dennis–”

“It’s okay,” Ushijima held up his hand, calming her. “Take your time, I can miss a class.”

Dennis nodded but still didn’t look up. Ushijima just patiently waited, preparing himself for anything that could happen.

“So, umm,” Dennis began again. Ushijima never saw her this indecisive, this hesitant and vulnerable. “God, this is really hard... where should I start–”

“Do you want to sit down?” Ushijima pulled out a chair for her to sit. Dennis nodded and sat down, still not looking at him.

Now Ushijima turned really panicked and intrigued at the same time.

_What could it be? That could make her this stressed out?_

“Reon thought you wouldn’t be happy, if I asked you about this stuff,” Dennis started. “That’s why I thought that _he_ should ask you instead of _me_. He was opposed to this idea, saying you would have his head and you would be sad and he didn’t want that to happen,” Dennis gave out a loud sigh. “I suppose that’s understandable. Reon only heard about my problem because Seth knew about it and he told Reon, you know how Seth is, he talks a lot,” she waved and shrunk a little bit in that chair.

Ushijima never talked to her, not really. He never paid attention to her.

But in that moment, he wanted her to look into his eyes.

So he gently grabbed another chair, pulled close to Dennis’s and sat down in front of her. Ushijima leaned down a bit, putting his elbows on both of his knees, holding his chin and said, in a soft voice,

“I promise I won’t get mad.”

Dennis then, for the first time, looked into his eyes.

She must have seen something right then and there, in Ushijima. Because she blurted out, “My parents are getting a divorce. I wanted to ask you what I should do because your parents aren’t together either.”

Ushijima was waiting for something else.

Maybe tips about volleyball, about going to church, maybe a love confession.

_Not this._

He couldn’t even hide his surprise, not even if he tried. “What happened?” He asked instead, trying to calm down. “I thought your family was–”

“Everything was fine, everything was fine up until last week,” Dennis said in a weak voice and then looked away, her pink hair did a little twirl, the light caught its color. “Until I...”

Ushijima was waiting. “Until you?”

Dennis sighed and shut her eyes. She looked tense as she clenched her fists on her knees. “Until I told them that I’m... I...” She took a deep breath and buried her face into her hands. “That I... like girls.”

Ushijima knew that this was one of the most important thing for Dennis. This moment, his reaction, how much trust she put in Ushijima, the amount of bravery she had–

So he reacted in a heartbeat.

He gently touched her hands and pulled them down. He looked into her eyes and said, “Okay,” he held her hands, feeling her quick pulse. “Which one didn’t approve?”

Dennis looked confused for a minute.

_She’s wondering why didn’t I make a big deal out of it._

_She’s wondering why I find this okay._

Ushijima’s heart broke.

“My mom,” Dennis said in a quiet voice. She looked as if she was in physical pain. It was hard to watch.“Dad said I was still the same so I will definitely stay with him, but it’s really hard now, and I hate what’s going on at home. They’re constantly fighting, mom won’t look at me at all,” her eyes were tearing up. “God, I wish I hadn’t told them.”

Ushijima wiped her tears away with his knuckles. “Don’t be ashamed of who you are, Dennis,” he said in a strong voice. “Don’t hate who you are because then you never find peace.”

Dennis pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded, looking down at their joint hands. “I just...” she took a shuddering breath. “I’ve never assumed it would go like this. You know, people all over the internet say how everyone should just tell, but sometimes wouldn’t it be better to stay quiet?”

Ushijima caressed her hand with his thumb, trying to ease her pain. “You could live your whole life, hiding from everyone, never having any fight or argument about who you are,” he leaned close to catch her eyes. “But what is the point of living for someone else?”

Dennis stopped breathing for a minute. “Even if you have parents like this?”

Ushijima squeezed her hand, giving her strength. “You tell them when you feel like you’re ready,” he said. “Not when someone else tells you to do it.”

“And if they don’t approve?” Dennis asked.

Ushijima never looked away. “Then you at least know and don’t have to wonder,” he shook his head a little. “It’s not good to live with ‘what ifs’ either.”

“Maybe I should have waited.”

Ushijima didn’t want to lie. “Maybe,” he said and then looked up. “Or maybe you’ll look back someday, and know exactly why it had to happen now.”

Dennis smiled at him.

It was brief, it was short, it was not very wide.

But for a moment

that meant the world

for

Ushijima.

“When have you become so mature?” She whispered with all her soul.

And Ushijima answered with all of his. “I’ve just grown tired of not living for myself, too.”

**–––––––––––––––**

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” Ushijima asked. Him, Semi and Tendou were sitting in a restaurant, waiting for their food to arrive. The place was nice enough, candles were lit – even though it was only afternoon –, and the colors were put together very nicely.

Ushijima liked it.

Tendou had a nasty grin on his face. “Gladly,” he said and pointed at Semi. “This fella needs to apologize my boy Shirabu–”

“_Your_ boy?”

“Semi, chill the fuck down, you’ve announced your claim already, now where was I–”

Ushijima sighed. “You’ve been saying how Semi has to apologize to Shirabu–”

“Right! As I was saying, you have to do hell of a lot more than just say ‘I fucked up, let’s bang’ am I clear, or am I clear?”

Semi’s eyes widened, he leaned close to Tendou and hold up one finger, saying, “First of all, I wouldn’t just say sorry, I would bring flowers with me as well,” he said, and then hold up another finger, “and second, how could you even think, we would fuck the moment I say–”

“Why are you yelling? Everyone is looking at us, you idiots,” Ushijima scolded them in a strained voice, looking straight ahead.

Tendou and Semi began to look around but at that moment, something unbelievable happened.

Next to their table, a guy kneeled down and looked into the eyes of his partner and asked, “Will you marry me?”

_Oh, they were not looking at us._

People were looking at them.

Semi’s eyes went round and Tendou’s jaw reached the floor. The girl said yes, everyone applauded and Ushijima’s mind wandered off to Dennis.

He smiled.

_I hope she finds someone like that._

Ushijima hoped he could be there to clap and whistle from the bottom of his lungs.

Before he knew it, he said, looking back to Semi who had an interesting smile on his face. “You and Shirabu will be like this someday in the future.”

Semi didn’t freak out in the slightest. He just shrugged. “If he accepts my apology.”

Ushijima grinned at him. He then looked to Tendou, whose eyes never left the couple. He didn’t smile.

He just sat there in complete silence while the world around him cheered.

Ushijima felt pain in his chest and he didn't know why.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

They ate ten different restaurants to decide where Semi should take Shirabu to eat as a date. They all agreed the first one was the best choice. However, this made all of them angry, because that meant they just wasted time. When they stopped to buy some snacks for the way back, Tendou disappeared for half and hour and then came back with the best idea in the world:

He found a cat and they have to buy it for Shirabu. Because, apparently, that was the best apology gift in the world.

Semi – the love struck idiot–, was the man for the job because he wholeheartedly agreed with Tendou.

Ushijima, in all honesty, had no idea what was going on anymore. He just went with the flow– he was the fish in the water, as his grandma usually said.

All in all, they bought the cat.

And they were singing _Michael Jackson_ songs all the way back to home. It was Semi’s favorite after all.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“Thank you for this day, guys,” Shirabu said and gave Ushijima a big hug. “I owe you two a lot,” he then moved and hugged Tendou.

“A life debt it is,” Tendou had a smug look on his face as he patted Semi’s back.

“Way to ruin the moment, you little shit,” Semi countered, still hugging him.

“Look who’s talking Romeo,” Tendou reacted shamelessly quick, still patting Semi’s back.

Ushijima was looking at the scene with as much amusement as his grandma during bingo. “Can we go or you guys want to stay here until the first snow falls?”

“It isn’t even winter here, Wakatoshi.”

“I am well aware, Tendou.”

“Well that’s just wonderful.”

After Semi drove away with his car, Ushijima and Tendou sat at the terrace of his house. They were looking at the stars, it was late at night and Ushijima realized that today he never thought about tomorrow or yesterday. Not really.

Today was the first time he really only thought was was happening right now, today.

He felt light, he felt as if he was born new. He was.

He changed below that rain.

“Wakatoshi,” he heard Tendou’s voice and turned to look at him. Tendou was holding box wrapped in a gold wrapping in his hand. Ushijima took it.

“What is this?” he asked, shaking a bit, trying to figure out what’s in there.

Tendou only smiled at him, with his eyes closed. “Happy Birthday!”

Ushijima looked at the little gift and then back at Tendou. “Thank you, but,” he furrowed his brows. “My birthday is still months away.”

Tendou lightly shrugged and opened his eyes, still smiling. “I’ll get you something later, too, don’t worry. I just couldn’t leave that there in the store,” he nudged him a bit. “Go on, open it.”

_Well, Tendou will be Tendou._

Ushijima shrugged as well, and opened his gift.

He forgot how to breathe.

“So?” He heard Tendou’s kind voice. “Do you like it?”

It was a red baseball hat.

He reached out with his hand and lifted up from the box. He felt the material beneath his fingertips, the color was calming to look at but still noticeable. Ushijima couldn’t find his words, he had no idea how he looked right now but it must have been quite the sight with his joyful eyes and soulful smile.

He looked back to Tendou with that smile.

Tendou had the same expression on his face, except his eyes.

Because he looked like as if he was on the verge of crying.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

_Laconic:_

(adj.) expressing much in few words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I missed this story. I'm still in love with it. 
> 
> PPS: Dennis iS MY NEW FAV OC, ESTEBAN YOU BETTER WATCH OUT SOMEONE MIGHT STEAL YO FIRST PLACE–
> 
> PPPS: sorry again guys, you're the reason I love to keep going. LOVE YOU AND LOVE YOU AND LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES!


	8. Whelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> Read ALL the tags!
> 
> You have been warned. 
> 
> I did leave a lot of hints. In every single part.
> 
> you have been warned.
> 
> Hiii my adorable-evils!! I missed you guys so much!! I love you and your amazing comments!
> 
> Pls don't forget that. I love you guys.

**Chapter 8**

**Whelve**

“I met a little kid in the hospital while I was visiting Margit,” Mitsuko spoke quietly on the next day, sitting out in the terrace. The sun was high on the sky, glowing on her skin. “He has cancer, Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima felt a piercing pain through his chest, breaking his ribcage and bleeding into his lungs. “That’s awful,” he said, breathing again. “I’m sorry– that’s just–”

“I know,” she said and then closed her eyes. “There’s just so many things wrong in this world. He was around thirteen, not even that,” she took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The vivid green met Ushijima’s identical ones. “How should I go and keep thinking that everything is going to be fine, when something like this always crosses my way?”

Ushijima, for some reason, thought about his rain.

Because the world had so many issues, because people have so many faults, because many of them only know violence and cruelty, because the worst things happen to the kindest hearts–

_And yet I have hope._

And yet Ushijima can keep going on, he can raise his head to watch as the sky tears itself and dives into his soul, he can appreciate the lights on the skyscrapers and bump his head when music hits his ears.

Because there’s just so many things wrong in this world.

Because there’s just so many things that can make it better.

So Ushijima turned to her and asked, “Why do you keep going back to church?”

Mitsuko’s eyes went round. “Because I believe in God.”

Ushijima smiled a little. “There are so many things wrong in this world, which might explain that God isn’t doing anything to make it better,” he said. “And yet you keep going back to pray, to watch people pray. Why would you do that?” Ushijima stopped for a moment and then answered his own question, “Because you believe.”

His grandma was staring at him, stunned, completely speechless.

But Ushijima kept going. “You believe that there’s something better out there, that there are people out there helping others, that there are people out there who are brave and dare to live and chase their dreams, that there are people out there who care enough to make a change, and grandma,” Ushijima leaned close to her and took her hands into his. He gave her a soft smile. “It’s okay to hate the world, it’s okay to hate unfairness but never be afraid to believe in something which may look unreachable.”

She stopped breathing and only stared at him. “Wakatoshi,” Mitsuko whispered. “Would you give a dying person one more day to live?”

Ushijima froze a bit, but then his grandma always asked interesting questions. He began to think. “The real question is, if they want to have more days. I would give them more, if they wanted it.”

Mitsuko was staring at him with wonder, her eyes held melancholy. “You would ask them if they wanted to have more time,” she whispered.

Ushijima was confused for a minute there. “Everyone in their right mind would ask that.”

“Right mind? No,” his grandma shook her head. “But soul? Now, that’s more like it.”

Ushijima smiled. “Maybe.”

Mitsuko brought her hands up and touched his face with gentle care, Ushijima closed his eyes and welcomed the familiar warmth.

“You’ve never been more you in all of your life,” his grandma said quietly with affection.

Ushijima felt his heart soar, he felt his soul fly up to the sky and the world crash into him as an endless rain as he answered,

“I’ve never been more happy being me in all of my life.”

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

“Airi, I have no idea what I’m doing, I forgot everything you showed us,” Tendou said while his hands were in a sparkling pink bowl, filled with eggs and flour and sugar.

Ushijima’s mom was looking at Tendou with the biggest grin on her face, holding a camera, recording the whole damn thing.

Ushijima, standing next to Tendou, was covered in flour from the bottom to the top, there were little eatable stars on his hair. “Mom,” he said, looking her dead in the eye. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”

Airi kept smiling, which was a rare occurrence for Ushijima inherited his serious expression from her. His father was usually the one who smiled more. “You were the ones who wanted to bake cookies. Now, here you go.”

Ushijima opened his mouth to speak, but Tendou beat him to it.

“No, you don’t get it, Airi,” Tendou was sweating all over the place, glaring at the bowl in front of him. “There’s something missing here.”

“Yeah,” Ushijima turned to him, still covered in flour. “Our skill, _apparently_.”

Tendou gave him a look. “Just let me think, you’re no use for me,” he was scratching his chin, seemingly thinking. His chef hat almost slid off his head.

Speaking of which. “Mom,” Ushijima was staring at Tendou’s chef hat. “Why did you put this on Tendou?”

Airi answered without missing a beat. “He looks cute with it.”

Ushijima turned his head to glare into the camera with an ‘_I can’t believe this shit_’ look on his face.

“I got it!” Tendou clapped once. “I forgot to add salt.”

Ushijima raised a brow. “I’m sure I put that in there.”

“Like hell you did.”

“You actually saw me put the salt into it.”

“That could have been my twin for all I know.”

“Now you’re just making excuses.”

“Because I hate when you’re right.”

“Oh, so you admit that I’m not wrong?”

“No, because that would mean I still have no idea what I forgot to put into the bowl.”

“But that’s what’s going on at the moment, neither of us has any idea what we forgot to add–”

“So when do you think they notice that I’m here, too?” Kawanishi asked next to Ushijima’s mother.

Several things happened then.

Tendou jumped in fright because of the sudden voice, his hand was clutching onto the fabric of his shirt over his heart, the hat fell of his head and almost ended up into the bowl, Ushijima caught it but slipped and fell down on the floor.

The remaining flour in the bag, fell over the counter and

landed

on

Ushijima’s

face.

The next thing he heard,

was everyone in the room

bursting out

in

laughter.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“I really have no idea why you two decided that this was a good idea,” Kawanishi said in a blasé voice, standing in between the two of them, wearing a chef hat and decorating the little cookies with colorful little stars.

Airi was sitting at the other side of the counter, still recording, sometimes taking pictures with the smile of the devil.

“What is this hell of a receipt, woman?!” Tendou looked like someone who hasn’t slept since the last time he’s been to jail. He was making the fourth bowl, experimenting with the ingredients.

Airi shrugged. “The key to the homeless people’s heart.”

Kawanishi, forever the little shit, said, “That’s not how the saying goes, ma’am.”

Airi in return, used the flash as she took a picture of him. Kawanishi almost fell over.

Ushijima was wrapping the little cookies. “We made so much, we can even give some to random people–”

He sneezed loudly, the flour came out of his nose.

Silence fell to the room.

Ushijima pulled himself together and said, “Please tell me you didn’t record this, mom.”

“She recorded the whole shit,” Kawanishi simply answered.

“Did my eyes deceive me or I really just saw Ushijima sneeze flour?” Tendou giggled.

“That’s extremely funny of you to say, Tendou, when yesterday you almost choke on your cupcake.”

“That’s not funny, Kawanishi, you gave me that cupcake.”

“How was I suppose to know that you will choke on it?”

“I don’t know? Maybe because there’s a big possibility to choke on cupcakes? Like you know, that’s a thing?”

“I saved you though.”

“That wasn’t you, you little shit, that was Shirabu.”

“Worth a try.”

“You’re so going to have your ass kicked in one of these days, I’m telling you.”

“Let them try.”

“Let them try – did you just–”

“So when do you think they notice that I’m here, too?” Semi asked sitting next to Ushijima’s mother over the other side of the counter.

Several things happened.

Ushijima dropped one of the cookies he had been trying to wrap, Tendou’s hands slipped and all the sugar what’s left landed into the bowl, and Kawanishi almost head butted the stars on one of the cookies.

“Semi?!” They shouted at the same time, looking at him.

Semi’s white hair looked like a nest, his jacket was ruffled–

“Well, seems like you had fun,” Kawanishi said without a single embarrassment.

Semi looked smug. “Hell yeah I did,” he winked at him. Ushijima’s mom flicked his forehead a bit and then ruffled his hair, saying, “behave.”

Tendou pulled himself together. “So I guess the apology went well with Shirabu, right? I told you it would work,” his smile felt too strained for a minute, Ushijima thought he was seeing things. “Love waits for no one, after all.”

Semi was beaming with joy. “It actually did,” he looked then Ushijima. “Although, I should have done it earlier.”

Ushijima furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“He was in a bad mood already, that’s why,” Kawanishi spoke up and continued decorating the cookies.

“Oh,” Semi turned to him. “So you’ve heard it, too?”

Kawanishi nodded and then looked at the other people in the room. “Apparently, Kenjirou attended to his best friend’s wedding.”

Tendou flipped his shit. “You mean the wedding of Mr. Yukiteru’s daughter? The boss of the Yakuza?”

Semi didn’t even bat an eye. “Yeah, that one,” he answered. “His daughter – Erin –, ran away and Semi was already in a foul mood because I turned him down,” he turned back to Ushijima. “Seriously Ushijima, you should have told me earlier not to do something that stupid.”

Ushijima shrugged.

_Sometimes some things needs to happen._

He really believed that Semi turning Shirabu down had to happen, because Semi needed that to happen to realize that he can chose his own decisions, his own life.

_He should have apologized earlier, however._

Tendou looked intrigued. “So you’re saying, that if you would have apologized earlier, Semi could have done something to prevent Erin running away?”

Semi looked thoughtful for a minute. “Maybe,” he shrugged. “He would have been in a better mood, that’s for sure. Who knows? Maybe he would have talked her down, or ran after her. We’ll never know.”

Ushijima and Tendou looked at each other.

“Did you see that, Kawanishi?” Semi asked in the background.

“I did, now that you say, Semi my old friend,” Kawanishi continued.

“They do seem to have started planning something,” Ushijima’s mom added.

“So when do you think they notice that I’m here, too?” Mitsuko asked standing at the door.

Several things happened.

Ushijima’s mom flinched and almost dropped the camera, Semi fell down to the ground, Kawanishi jumped and dropped several cookies. Ushijima and Tendou grinned, they noticed her when she came into the room.

Mitsuko laughed at the scene in front of her and then looked around with curiosity. “What is this chaos? What are you people up to?”

Ushijima opened his mouth to answer that they planned to give cookies to the homeless and some other people as well, but then Mitsuko said–

“Nevermind,” she looked at Tendou. “I see Tendou so there’s no need to explain, I understand everything.”

Tendou looked offended but everyone just started to laugh.

After the cookies were done and they helped cleaning up the house and themselves, Semi and Kawanishi went home His mom went to work and his grandma went out for food.

Ushijima was about to go back to the kitchen to tell Tendou that they should go and start giving out the cookies before it gets dark, but he suddenly stopped at the door.

Tendou was staring at the video camera, watching everything his mom recorded, even replaying them. He sometimes smiled while watching them, but most of the times his expression was unreadable.

When Tendou finished watching them, he turned the camera off, brought it to his chest.

And just held it there.

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

For some incredible weird reason, people loved the cookies. Everyone told them that they were delicious – or maybe those people were just way too hungry –, Ushijima was happy either way. It was a success, they could give out all the cookies. They even knocked at random houses to give the rest to some other people.

This little act made Ushijima’s world easier and calmer.

By night, there weren’t any cookies left.

And that was how it should be.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima and Tendou were walking all night in the city laughing, eating snacks and drinking coke, creating a plan how to make Shirabu happy – how could they make it so that he can save Erin’s wedding, and what could be the best time for Semi to apologize.

“I think we figured this out, actually,” Ushijima said, holding his phone writing down notes – which will disappear tomorrow but it was still nice to write them down. They reached a playground with slides and swings. “We should do it tomorrow,” Ushijima continued.

Tendou started nodding and then began to walk towards one of the swings. “That’s amazing,” he said. “But can we take a breather, I’ve gotten tired of walking so much.”

Ushijima tilted his head, finding this weird because he felt completely okay. “Sure thing,” he said and followed him immediately.

Tendou sat down on the left swing, and Ushijima sat down on the right. Ushijima looked up to the sky and took a deep breath, enjoying the view, enjoying the wind on his face. Another beautiful day.

_I wish I would have lived like this before._

He wasted so many years of being sad, of having miserable days.

_But that didn’t matter. Not anymore._

The future was the only thing now that mattered, which was weird because he was in a time loop.

Ushijima laughed. “You know,” he began to speak, still looking up. “These past days have been the best of my lives. I’m finally happy, I wait excitedly for every single day, wondering what might happen, who I might meet, what I might see and it’s the most wonderful thing to feel, to experience ever,” he sighed. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t feel this sooner.”

He heard Tendou chuckle. “Funny how you say ‘_sooner_’ when today has happened a lot of time by now,” he said. “Well at least now, you’re feeling it. Experiencing it.”

Ushijima chuckled as well. “True,” he admitted. “I’m just really grateful for this change in my life.”

“You should be,” Tendou said softly next to him, moving with the swing a bit.

The city glowed with blue, red and gold. Ushijima was now looking ahead, seeing the vibrant life ahead of him.

“I’ve never really cared about being happy before,” he started to speak again. “I just wanted to have a good job, money to live by and that was it. I’ve never thought about the little things, you know? I’ve never thought about _really_ important things, I never cared, not even a little bit, that much is true as well. I only cared about what was in front of me, I never stopped to consider my dad, for example, at all. I just hated my everyday life, how monotone it was, how easy and normal.”

“I _hated_ to wake up because I knew what would happen on that day already. I didn’t even realize when everything actually happened the same way it did the day before. I just can’t wait until I taste the real future now, you know? University and traveling the world, especially seeing my dad! I would love to spend Christmas with him once – I’ve never had the courage to go before, I was afraid I might see something I wouldn’t like, or he would see something in me he didn’t like –, I complicated things way too easily, as you can see.”

“I wonder if Shirabu and Semi get married. I wonder what will happen to Dennis, whether she’ll find a nice girl or not. Hope she will, though. Reon wants to be a doctor, did you know that? I can see him doing that once he’s out of med school. And Kawanishi wants to be a lawyer, that’s the perfect job for him, it’s so perfect the image literally burned into my brain–”

But then Tendou said, “I’ve been feeling well and that’s what worries me.”

And Ushijima stopped talking.

A dread clung into his spine, because that sentence was terrifying. He turned his head to look at Tendou, but the red haired boy wasn’t looking at him. Tendou buried his face into his hands, leaning forward, elbowing on his knees.

And Ushijima felt terror eat away his throat.

Because he had never seen Tendou like this.

Because that sentence was terrifying.

“Oh, _god_,” Tendou sighed. “I didn’t want to tell anyone but I just _can’t_ hold it anymore, I _can’t_ hide it anymore,” and then turned his head to look into Ushijima’s eyes.

And, for the first time in his life, Ushijima saw Tendou as he really was.

Someone who was tired. Someone has been through hell. Someone who prayed for something but that something never came.

Tendou turned away and closed his eyes. He lightly ran a hand over his red hair. “I’m...” He stopped and clutched his hair. “I’m... ugh, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you it makes me feel–”

“Tendou,” Ushijima felt his heart beat faster. “You’re scaring me.”

Tendou turned quiet for a minute and then stood up from the swing and turned around to face Ushijima. “You never wondered why, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima was taken aback. “Why? Why what?”

Tendou was getting angry. “I don’t know?” He put his hands into the pocket of his coat with an irritated, harsh movement. “Maybe why I never seem to do what every other people is doing? Maybe why I never wear the same clothes and always buy more and more? Maybe why I eat something delicious, something spicy and sweat every single day?”

Ushijima was getting irritated, too.He clutched the swing’s chain, felt how it bruised his palm. “Why would I think about these things when they are completely normal things to do?!”

Tendou’s eyes held something quiet, torment and defeat and Ushijima never saw that before.

He’s never been so scared in his whole life.

And Tendou asked something that broke Ushijima’s world.

“Do you ever wonder what I’m doing when I’m not with you or with the others?”

It felt like a lightning from the sky, tearing him apart.

Ushijima couldn’t find his words, he was only staring at his best friend. “I mean,” he began, still completely shocked. “What could you do? I mean... what else is there? You’re home and you maybe rest, or study for a while–”

Tendou’s eyes deepened with such a strong emotion, Ushijima _winced_. “Wasn’t it weird, that nowadays, you’ve never seen my mom, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima’s blood

ran

cold.

Tendou’s voice turned more powerful. “Wasn’t it weird, that I never wanted you to see her? Or meet her? Because she _knows_ and I never wanted you guys to know. She would have told you the minute she catches on. I couldn’t let that happen.”

Ushijima stared at Tendou and his chest was heaving with panic and fear. “Tendou–”

“Have you ever wondered why,” Tendou asked in a strained voice, pointing at his own chest, “I had to go into a convenience store so late at night? Why would I go there so late, when I have everything at home? What was so urgent, that it couldn’t wait one more day?”

Ushijima stood up and reached for Tendou, and hugged him, because he had no idea what was going on but he was terrified. “Tendou, _shhh_, it’s gonna be okay, everything is gonna be fine, just please try to calm down, we can talk about this and it’s going to be fine, trust me, we can make it better–”

“I wish,” Tendou’s voice was filled with pain, and fear as he said, “But I'm dying.”

And Ushijima

stopped

talking.

**––––––––––––––––––**

_Whelve:_

(v.) to bury something deep, to keep a secret

“To hide”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've known about Tendou's illness since part 1 and I bawled my eyes out every single time he was on screen. I advise to reread this chapters, where I heavily hint on Tendou's illness:
> 
> 'Worthless Pride' chapter 10: 
> 
> "Tendou's eyes looked way more exhausted and old than anyone's Iwaizumi had ever seen. It wasn't because of the time loop." 
> 
> "Because joy isn't easy, smiling isn't easy. It means you're trying. It means you're fighting."
> 
> (Joy) it felt like a disease – a feeling he could never get rid of.
> 
> 'Worthless Pride' Chapter 11: 
> 
> There's a scene where Tendou and Ushijima bicker about how many times Tendou actually calls Ushi - this scene at first, feels funny. Then Ushi says one day he'll be damned to pick up and Tendou goes serious saying how rude.
> 
> Ushi meant that he won't pick up after Tendou passed away. By Worthless Pride, both Ushi and Tendou are more used to these types of jokes, because it makes Tendou comfortable (as weird as it sounds)
> 
> "But if you hadn't been in a time loop, we would have never been able to save her," Tendou muttered. "She would have just died."
> 
> (Tendou) "It's like a second chance from life."
> 
> 'Worthless Pride' Chapter 13:
> 
> There's a scene where Iwaizumi knows he has to commit suicide in order to save Oikawa. He tells Tendou he's afraid to die but will himself anyway. Then Tendou says:
> 
> "You're so fucking brave doing this for your best friend – goddamn Iwaizumi. I swear I'll have someone make you a world's number one best friend trophy..."
> 
> Tendou says "I'l have someone make you" implying he most likely be no longer around to do it himself. 
> 
> Again, you only see this signs if you already know he's dying.
> 
> 'Worthless Pride' chapter 15:
> 
> There's a scene where Ushijima wants Tendou to behave in Iwa's house. Which Tendou replies with "You're making it sound like as if this was the last time getting me out of jail."
> 
> Tendou is actually reassuring Ushijima, that there'll be more times to get him out of jail, to stop worrying.
> 
> another sentence which was really fun to hide:
> 
> "Fred is going to have a heart attack soon, if you continue," Ushi said.
> 
> "If I go down, I take everybody with me" Tendou answered which again, implies that if he dies then he intends to make Fred die as well. Another weird joke which reassures Tendou, apparently.
> 
> 'Worthless Pride' Chapter 17:
> 
> Tendou mentioned wanting to help Ushijima and Iwaizumi adopt children, but you can see Ushijima's lack of silence. When Tendou said that Ushi was red, blushing – he lied.
> 
> 'Mindight Belonged to Miracles' Chapter 13:
> 
> "It was scary to see him change so much in those few days. It makes you feel like as if you're stuck and he's moving on."
> 
> At first, you see this line as in development. That Ushi developed so much that Tendou falls behind. But in reality, Tendou meant this by how Ushi will eventually grow up and move on with his life, even after Tendou's death.
> 
> 'This Version of me' Chapter 1:
> 
> the line "You know what I see every single day" is indeed reference to how Tendou is bronze. but then "How could you" that one he's saying to himself. As in how could Ushi talk about suicide when he had gotten more day, while Tendou had been praying for more.
> 
> 'This Version of me' Chapter 4:
> 
> It's the whole scene basically. especially the "why me of all people" implying that why only Tendou sees this day over and over again. Someone who will not have a long life.
> 
> Another scene again
> 
> 'This Version of me' Chapter 6:
> 
> Tendou was looking at Ushijima, but he didn't notice while they were at Mirai. In that moment, I tried to show that Tendou was imagining Ushi as an adult, because in that moment he looked so mature.
> 
> 'This Version of me" chapter 7:
> 
> You can see a lot of hints by now
> 
> There are probably way more but right now I only have these ones in mind. I advise a reread if you want to find them all :3333
> 
> PS: IT WAS SO HARD TO KEEP IT AS A SECRET
> 
> PPS: I'LL PROBABLY LOSE A LOT OF READERS BECAUSE OF THIS JUST LIKE I DID WITH IWAUSHI WAY BACK THEN
> 
> PPPS: but this was the plan since the beginning. I love you guys and I hope you'll continue the journey, because this story is going to be beautiful. Especially by the end of part 5.
> 
> love you and love and pls don't hate me. Lots of love!


	9. Onism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii my adorable–evils!! Love all of you and OOF PREVIOUS CHAPTER WAS A SHOCK, HUH?
> 
> I'm so happy when I saw you guys freak out. ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO WAS LIKE "Hell yeah what a plot twist you better not lose readers over this" I'm like, you are my people
> 
> PS: This chapter is the reason why I love writing so much.

**Chapter 9**

**Onism**

A memory came to Ushijima, out of nowhere.

It was a long time ago, probably around spring last year. Ushijima didn’t think too much about it – he thought it might have been about something that was going on in school –, but there was a long week where Tendou didn’t really talk to anyone.

Ushijima even asked him about it to which Tendou replied with ‘_don’t worry about it_’.

Tendou acted like as if nothing changed or happened in the next week. He trained with more determination, he put more effort in everything he was doing except schoolwork–

A sudden dread crawled through his spine.

_“You have to try harder, Tendou,” Reon told him while they were sitting out during a break in school. “If you keep doing this, you won’t be able to go to a good university.”_

_“Is that so?” Tendou asked, not looking at Reon. He had a little smile on his face. “I’ll try not to fail, that much I can promise.”_

_Reon turned angry. “That’s not enough, I know you can do better than that–”_

_Tendou was staring at Reon for far too long before answering. “There are many things that I can do in my free time other than to study,” he said quietly._

_Reon snorted. “You’ll have time for that after you have your solid place at a good university.”_

Ushijima should have known by then. Or at least he should have gotten suspicious.

_“Not everyone wants to study through their whole lives. Some of us just wants to live a little, Reon.”_

Ushijima blinked and he came back.

He was hugging Tendou – his best friend Tendou, the person who was always there for him, who attended to every family holiday, who showed him what it means to have a kind heart, whom Ushijima always got out of jail, his best friend who bickered with Mitsuko, who always brought a gift for Ushijima’s mother–

And Ushijima did not notice

he

was

dying.

For

a–

“_–_year,” Ushijima whispered and felt Tendou stiffen against him. “You’ve known it since _last_ _year_,” Tendou lightly nodded. Ushijima raised his hand to gently pull Tendou closer, he caressed his hair to calm him down. He couldn’t do anything else.

Ushijima’s whole world was breaking.

Everything made sense – so much sense that it terrified Ushijima to his core. Tendou watching the recording his mom had made with a sad smile on his face, holding close to his chest, him gazing at the marriage proposal with a forlorn expression while the world around him cheered with delight, him not studying, him not talking about the future, him not talking about his mom, him–

_That baseball hat._

Ushijima’s chest tightened with pain – it had so much depth he thought he was suffocating.

“Tendou,” Ushijima spoke, his voice was trembling. “Why did you give me that baseball hat the other day?”

Tendou stayed silent.

Panic slithered all the way up to Ushijima’s throat. “Why did you say ‘_Happy Birthday_’?”

He received silence.

The city around them glowed with eternal colors. Golden, red and purple. The sound of the cars ruled over everything, it made Tokyo lively.

Even then, Ushijima didn’t hear any of that. All he heard was his own heart, beating as if there was no tomorrow.

In a way there wasn’t.

“I have no idea how much time I have left,” Tendou said in a steady voice. “I’ve been feeling well since the time loop started, but sometimes I just get tired, and it scares me because it could be–” _Twenty years? Thirty? Fifteen? Please say_ “–ten years, but it could also be just five or six–”

Ushijima fell to his knees and turned numb. He was staring down at the ground, it was cold beneath his knees, he deeply breathed out.

The world fell silent.

_Ten, five or six._

Ushijima’s heart halted.

_Ten, five or six more years with Tendou._

And then, that will be it.

Tendou kneeled down, too, in front of Ushijima and took his hands into his. He raised the back of Ushijima’s hand to his forehead and whispered, “Please don’t be mad at me. Don’t be mad – I should have told you before, I know, but I felt – it was too much to handle even for me and you’ve been so sad all of your life–”

“I’m not mad at you,” Ushijima whispered back with defeat in his voice, anger even. “I’m mad at this whole world, I’m mad at _me_ not realizing what you’ve been going through,” he clutched his fists. “I’m mad at Reon, Semi even Shirabu because _they didn’t notice either_–”

“Every single day I woke up being mad at the whole world,” he said in a strong, yet gentle voice. “Because it’s not fair, it shouldn’t have been me, it shouldn’t be anyone in all honesty. I screamed, I didn’t talk to anyone, I felt like I was stuck in one place,” Tendou lowered Ushijima’s hand and then looked into his eyes, saying, “I’ve been mad at the whole world long enough for the both of us,” he smiled. “It won’t get better, if you’re angry.”

“How will it get better then? How can you be okay, how can you smile and be happy when we have so – when you have so–” Ushijima’s grip tightened around his best friend’s hand. “How do you do it?”

Ushijima swore he was imagining things, but for a single moment, Tendou looked older.

_Like an adult._

“There’s one funny thing about knowing you’re gonna die, Wakatoshi,” Tendou said quietly. “You make every single day count.”

And Ushijima

felt

something

move his soul.

“After all those angry days, after all those furious mornings... I woke up one day,” Tendou looked up to the sky, “On that day, I told myself this: the world is big and I want to have a good look at it before I die. I believed in this with everything I had.”

And Ushijima, before he could really think through, said the first thing his soul wanted him to say;

“So don’t stop.”

Tendou’s attention snapped back to him, his eyes were wide and he looked like he forgot how to breathe.

But Ushijima wasn’t done.

Because if they only have five, six, or ten years then–

_We need to make every day count._

Ushijima wanted to give Tendou the most memorable, vivid and exciting life anyone has ever had before.

He held Tendou’s hand with all his strength, they were kneeling on the ground below the night sky full of stars, and the city that surrounded them, glowed.

And Ushijima still said,

“It’s time to remember what it feels like to be alive. So don’t stop.”

Tendou looked like as if he finally found the solution he had been praying for a year.

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima called Park and asked him whether he could borrow his car or not, and after he agreed, Ushijima drove away, out of the city, with Tendou on the passenger’s seat. The light of the cars’ shone the road, and it gave a nostalgic yet melancholic feeling to Ushijima.

“Where are we going?” Tendou asked slowly.

Ushijima simply answered, “To a place where you can let out everything.”

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima parked the car as they arrived to their destination. They were up high, the city was in front of them, it was a great sight, a dreamscape. Every person lived their lives the way they did, cars were moving up and down, nothing could quiet down this rush of life.

“Sometimes I forget it, you know?” Tendou spoke in the quiet car, looking ahead. “When there’s a soft light in the city, a certain scent in the air, a quiet murmur of a crowd,” he sighed. “I wish I could see, feel, and hear those things all the time for the rest of my life.”

“Then you will,” Ushijima said, sliding his gaze at him. “If you want that, you can have that.”

Tendou looked so vulnerable, and young in that moment. It broke Ushijima.

“I would like to go to a big concert... never have been before,” he looked away and fiddled with his fingers. “I would like to see London, maybe the Eiffel Tower, I want to be able to dive or fly,” Tendou’s voice got so quiet that Ushijima knew he was crying. “I want to see Semi and Shirabu’s wedding, I want to see you make it, I want to see all of you grow up, I want to see all of you to enjoy life and be happy, and–”

Ushijima leaned over and hugged him and Tendou was shaking with pain.

“It’s okay,” Ushijima whispered to him. “You’re going to see all of that.”

“Will I?” Tendou gave out a painful chuckle.

Ushijima just moved back to look at him and told him the truest thing he believed in all of the world.

“If you believe in yourself and in me, you’ll feel like you’ve lived more than anyone else ever did.”

And even though Tendou was crying, even though he was in pain, for the first time today, he gave Ushijima one of the happiest smiles he had ever seen.

_Because even if Tendou can’t live all the other, healthy people’s lives, Ushijima can still give him all the lives other people would die to live for._

**––––––––––––––––––**

_Onism:_

(n.) Awareness of how little of the world you’ll experience

“The sudden realization that you are you, and only you, stuck in your body. You’re not omniscient and the universe is filled with other people just like you, but you still can’t live their lives and they can’t live yours”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PPS: I think I never forget when I first realized that Ushijima's line that he tells Iwaizumi. "“It’s time to remember what it feels like to be alive. So don’t stop.” is the one that told Tendou, and he was the first one Ushijima told that.
> 
> I'm just.
> 
> I love this series and you guys.


	10. Petrichor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my adorable–evils!!
> 
> HERE'S THE NEW CHAPTER AND IM SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY!! I'm BACK NOW!! FOR REAL!!
> 
> I just had to update two other stories. 
> 
> BUT IM HERE NOW.
> 
> I love all of you and thank you for the kudos, comments and bookmarks!! They are EVERYTHING!!!
> 
> PS: I missed you guys and this story so much.

**Chapter 10**

**Petrichor**

Tendou was snoring lightly in the car and Ushijima couldn’t look away from him. He had been clutching his phone for over almost half an hour.

There was a beautiful, glowing city in front of Ushijima but he didn’t find anything in it. He could act he was okay in front of Tendou. But his best friend was asleep now.

_Ten, six or five years._

Ushijima, without noticing, dialed a phone number and raised it over his ear, still looking at Tendou.

“Hello? Wakatoshi?” Mitsuko picked up.

Ushijima opened his mouth but nothing came out of it.

“Hello?” His grandma asked again, confused.

Ushijima heard his heart beat in his throat – it _suffocated_ him.

“Wakatoshi, are you there?” She sounded worried now.

Ushijima took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He leaned over the wheel and put his head down on it, furrowing his brows in pain.

“Wakato–”

He hung up.

**–––––––––––––––**

Waking up on that day was something Ushijima would never forget.

There was something wrong in waking up, knowing that Tendou couldn’t one day.

He was in a trance as he put his slippers on, put his coat on and just walked out of the house in his own pajamas. He didn’t know where his feet were carrying him, he didn’t know where he was heading. He just went, followed the trail that was ahead of him.

After hours and hours, he looked up and noticed where he had ended up.

Ushijima was standing at the center of Shibuya.

People were everywhere, rushing and talking, carrying their bags and talking over their phones.

_Oh._

Ushijima felt pain struck his lungs.

_There will be a time when I can’t call Tendou._

He had to sit down – he just couldn't deal with this at the moment–

_When will I ever deal with this?_

“Hey, buddy, you seem a bit dizzy. Do you want water?”

Ushijima turned his head towards the voice and saw a young man with pink hair.

He blinked, not sure whether he was seeing things right.

The pink haired young man was holding a red electronic guitar.

Ushijima blinked again.

_He was still there._

“Damn you look pale, dude,” the boy said again. “Are you sure you don’t want water?”

Ushijima raised his eyebrows and said, “I’m fine,” with a dry throat.

The boy in front of him didn’t look amused or convinced at all – he turned around and gave Ushijima a bottle of water. “Take it, you big guy,” he said with a little smile. “Don’t pass out on me.”

Ushijima opened his mouth but then he breathed wrong – he began to cough violently. He took the water and then drank it with one solid movement.

He finished and then gave it back to the boy, saying, “Thank you.”

The boy took it from him and sent him an impressed smile. “Good work,” he said and then threw the bottle out into the nearest bin. He looked back at Ushijima. “Better?”

Ushijima leaned over and buried his face into his hands, letting out a big sigh. “Sure.”

“You’re as bad in lying as my aunt which is completely insane,” Ushijima heard the boy again. “What’s weighing your shoulders?” He sat next to him on the bench.

Ushijima sighed again. “Why do you care?”

The answer was silence.

So Ushijima couldn't help but look up. But the young man wasn’t looking at him.

No.

He was looking down at his guitar.

“Something weird happened to me earlier,” he began quietly, his thumb was fiddling with the strings of the instrument. “I’m here all day, playing, trying to make people happy and earn money at the same time,” he gave out a quiet smile. “Something always happens because there are good people out here, you know? So I’m never really bored or anything. I have countless amazing and even weird stories to tell, but something happened to me earlier,” he looked up to the sky and said, “Someone gave me their whole wallet.”

Ushijima’s heart stopped.

“What?”

The boy nodded and looked down again. He was caressing the strings, creating music.

_Creating something out of thin air._

“I asked why,” he continued. “He said because I had made his day...his whole year, even.”

Ushijima felt that feeling again.

That indescribable feeling which he felt he could grab but never hold on to.

_“...Someone told me the exact same thing this morning,” Park blinked, still in wonder. “Someone younger, a boy in the church...”_

All he noticed, that somewhere deep down in his bones, he had to know.

“Who was it?” Ushijima asked with wonder, with life.

“I forgot his name,” the boy admitted with a little smile. “But I doubt I’ll ever forget him. He even hugged me, weird person, he was.”

_Ushijima felt shivers ran down on his spine. “Who was he?”_

_...Park had a little smile on his face, it made him look younger. “I don’t know,” he said. “But I doubt I’ll ever forget him. I asked him where he was there, he answered with the exact same thing you did. And then, for God knows whatever reason, he asked the same thing from me.”_

_“He asked you why were you there?”_

_Park had an ‘I know, right?’ look on his face. “He was a weird kid...”_

Ushijima still couldn’t move. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it made me realize,” the boy finally looked at him, “that maybe all we need is strangers, who can give us moments we will remember until the very end.”

Ushijima had no idea how long he had been staring at this boy. He had no idea how long he had been silent.

He had no idea how his life had changed so fast.

“But what if you can’t give moments?” Ushijima found himself asking. “What if you can’t do anything to make someone happier? What if there’s nothing you can do anymore?”

Ushijima thought that he would look conflicted, he would look sad and maybe wouldn’t even answer.

But instead all of that, he just took Ushijima’s hand and gripped it hard with pure strength.

“There’s always something to do,” he said, smiling. “Because people who can’t seem to be happy are usually the ones who will feel joy when you give little things.”

“Little things?” Ushijima echoed.

“Asking them how they are, inviting them for a lunch, saying hi to them, asking about their day, inviting them to a trip,” he said. “Sometimes the little things matter the most.”

Ushijima’s heart cracked and his sight began to get blurry. His eyes narrowed down in pain, he closed them and just said,

“What if the one you want to make happy is dying?”

The boy’s expression turned painful –he didn’t even think about it, he pulled Ushijima into a big hug.

“Then give them something little on every single day.”

Ushijima forgot to ask the boy’s name. He had no idea who he was.

But he believed with all his heart that this boy was the reason Ushijima was able to move forward and live his life to the fullest.

**––––––––––––––––**

“How come you’re here? It’s not even Sunday,” his grandma said with a cheeky smile.

Ushijima laughed despite everything and sat next to her in the church. “Feels like I heard that one before.”

Mitsuko had an interesting glint in her eyes. “Oh really? You say the weirdest things.”

They stayed there, enjoying the silence, seeing other people pray. Ushijima wondered if there was a God out there.

There had to be.

Otherwise how would he live the same day over and over again?

But if there was a God and this was a world where Tendou was sick–

_What is the purpose of all of this?_

Maybe Ushijima got this chance so that Tendou could tell him earlier? So that he himself could process that easier? Or that Ushijima could realize what he should do to help?

Without even knowing why, he turned to his grandma and asked, “Why do you think I live the same day over and over?”

Mitsuko wasn’t surprised at all. Ushijima wondered if she knew. But how could she?

But even if she did, would that be a problem?

Would that be a bad thing?

Because Ushijima never cared about the time loop, he never even questioned it until now. Because this wasn’t the most important thing in all of this.

“What do you think? Why are you trapped?” She asked instead.

Ushijima didn’t look away.

Their eyes looked the same, it felt like Ushijima was staring at right into his own.

“Maybe I needed to realize how to live my life for the best,” he admitted slowly, not so sure about himself.

Mitsuko was staring at him with a little smile. “Or maybe you just had to find all the reasons why you needed to realize how to live.”

Ushijima sometimes wondered if his story was meant to be going this way. Because he was sure there was a reason why all the things happened the way they did. He sometimes wondered how many people will help him to find his reason to stay.

_But maybe I’m the one who will be the reason for others to find their dreams to stay._

Ushijima felt something unearthly touch his soul. He was looking at his grandma, and for a little moment, he thought he saw something white above her head.

And then he asked something, it felt like as if he was hypnotized.

“Have you ever wondered how souls may look like?” He whispered.

Mitsuko looked away and smiled, while looking at the people who were there in the church. “Colorful,” she said. “Like stained glass.”

**––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was walking all day in the city, gathering his thoughts and trying to make a plan how to make Tendou’s life better, unforgettable.

He must have felt like a stranger in that crowd of people.

Because everyone was rushing but Ushijima was walking. Calmly, quietly, but with purpose. He remembered his old self –god, it felt like a different person all together.

Exactly who would Ushijima be, if his time loop didn’t happen?

Maybe someone far away, someone nobody would ever look at, because he would be the same as everyone else.

Everything he had done and everything that had happened to him, made him the person who he was now.

And this Ushijima wore colorful clothes. This Ushijima knew what day it was today. This Ushijima stepped out of his house and took different routes every single day. This Ushijima talked during conversations, this Ushijima looked up to feel the rain on his face when everybody else looked down.

This version of him was someone who could be the reason for Tendou to stay.

**––––––––––––––––––**

He ended up at the doorstep of a house which screamed party. 

When he tried to knock a rather weird looking person opened the door. “Password,” he said.

Ushijima was so confused the first thing he asked was, “Who are you?”

“Katashi,” he answered simply, chewing a green gum. “Now, password.”

Ushijima looked behind him and noticed someone who was screaming out of their damn minds – and then–

Ushijima’s jaw fell. “Reon?!”

Reon turned surprised as well. “Wakatoshi?” He looked at Katashi then. “He’s a friend of mine, let him in, dude.”

Katashi shrugged and then walked away. “Don’t break the urn.”

“YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT!” Someone yelled from the corner of the room.

“SHUT UP LEWIS!” Katashi shouted back.

“THAT IS NOT EVEN MY NAME!”

“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”

“I–”

“Ushijima please come in so that we can get away before these two start another massacre again,” Reon gripped his shoulders and pulled him in.

Ushijima just looked confused. “These two know each other?”

Reon shook his head, still escorting him through the big crowd of dancing people in the living room. “They actually met just like... twenty minutes ago.”

Ushijima’s eyes widened. “Well that seems rather specific.”

Reon rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it,” when they arrived out in the garden, where there was quiet and calm, Reon pulled him down on the bench. “Stay,” he said. “I’ll grab you a beer and then come back.”

Ushijima nodded and then stared at him as he walked away. He looked around and found a baseball hat.

It was light blue.

He looked around but saw no one, so he picked it up and the noticed a little writing on the front of it.

_We’re under the same sky._

“Oh, you found my hat!”

Ushijima froze when he heard the voice. He slowly turned to look at her.

_Dennis._

With her light, short pink hair and earrings. The blue, purple and golden light that were escaping from the house, made her skin glow like the dawn.

“Thank you for finding it, I’ve been looking for it for hours. I thought I would kill someone,” she said with a little smile and then extended her hand with hesitance.

Ushijima gave it to her without one. “Why this hat, though?” He asked.

“Oh,” Dennis’s eyes got wide as she brought the hat to her chest. “No one really wants to know it. You mean the sentence, right?”

Ushijima nodded.

Dennis looked uncomfortable for a moment there, she just shrugged with a gentle movement. “It’s about someone who will be the most important to you,” she said quietly, as if she was scared people could overhear.

Ushijima asked, “Someone you love?”

Dennis shook her head. “It can be anyone. A friend, family, loved one or a stranger. Because I believe anyone could become your most important person. Even when they don’t know it.”

Ushijima felt warmth fill up his soul. He smiled at Dennis, a gentle, slow smile. “Have you ever been in love, Dennis?”

Dennis turned a bright shade of red. She looked down at the hat she was holding. “Not really,” she said. “You, Ushijima?”

Ushijima sighed and shrugged, just like Dennis did. “Not really,” he said and then sent her an encouraging look. “But hey, we meet them when the road decides it’s time for our paths to cross.”

Dennis sent him a joyful smile. She put the baseball hat on her head and nodded. “Amen to that,” she said and laughed a little. “Who knew you were mature, Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima grinned. “Who knew you look good in your baseball hat, Dennis Minami.”

Dennis snorted and then walked back to the house. Not even a couple of minutes after this, Reon came back with the beers in his hand. Ushijima sent him a look.

Reon looked actually sheepish. “Okay, I might heard some of that by accident–”

Ushijima grinned. “Sure, by _accident_...”

Reon laughed. “Oh shut up,” he gave him the beer and then sat next to Ushijima. “You rarely talk this much, you know? It was a rare, almost a one in a hundred type of moment. I could never not listen now, am I right?”

Ushijima laughed. “Anything for you, Reon. You sly fox.”

“Hey, I heard that.”

“You hear everything now, huh?”

Both of them started to laugh. They talked about a couple of things and drank a couple of beers.

And then Reon finally asked, “How did you end up here?”

Ushijima took a sip out of his beer. He had no idea what to say, how to answer. It was an easy question. He should have answered easily.

But Ushijima caught himself saying,

“I found myself.”

And Reon didn’t mock him, didn’t find him weird or anything like that. Reon always knew who he wanted to be.

So he only looked at Ushijima with a proud smile, patted his back and said,

“It was about time.”

It was a little gesture, a little sentence, a little smile.

And it might have made Ushijima’s whole year.

––––––––––––––––––

_Petrichor:_

(n.) the scent of rain on dry earth.

“A pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: There's something in this story that makes me so happy.
> 
> PPS: I'm still in love with Ushijima. It's not even funny anymore.


	11. Ikigai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my adorable–evils! BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS HUH?
> 
> So news flash next chapter will be up on Friday or Saturday. The thing is that we're near to the end and IM SO EXCITED!!
> 
> PS: I love you guys so much. You are my hero.
> 
> PPS: I finished outlining Part 5 and let's just say I have at least 10 plot twist there but one of them is so big that I can – yet again – lose readers (muhahahahahahHAHAHAH) So YEET–
> 
> Honestly I can't wait :33333333333
> 
> You gonna either really love me or really hate me. There is nothing in between. But hey :33333 I think you guys can trust me.

**Chapter 11**

**Ikigai**

Ushijima woke up with a soft heart today.

He could feel it, how the cracks of his old stone heart were gone. They were all gone.

_It felt like today was the reason he was born._

He sat up in his bead, put his slippers on, brushed his teeth and washed his face with cold water. Went down to have breakfast and while he was sitting at the table, eating, he turned his head to his left.

He noticed a radio.

Ushijima gave out a quiet smile, turned the radio on, and slightly nodded his head along to the music. He stopped eating and turned the volume up. It was a music with a good funky style, that stayed in your head.

And Ushijima just began dancing.

_Reon would kill to see this._

This made Ushijima laugh out loud – he put his coat onwhile doing the most insane dance moves, and his baseball hat. He put his bowl in the dishwasher and danced back to the radio, turned it off, and picked up his car keys while grinning.

He couldn’t remember when was the last time his mornings were this lively.

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was honking so loud one of Tendou’s neighbor dropped the cat she was holding outside in her yard.

Ushijima did a double take, sitting in his driver seat. He rolled down the window and shouted to the woman, “It was necessary, lady, my best friend can’t hear his own alarm!”

“Wakatoshi, you big ass liar!” Tendou shouted opening his own window from his house. He was still in his pajamas, his hair was sticking up all over the place.

_He looked like a mad scientist._

“See?!” Ushijima was still shouting to the lady, didn’t even look away. “I told you!”

The woman’s jaw fell down, the cat next to her looked one of the most unimpressed cats Ushijima had ever seen. The lady picked the cat up again.

“Wakatoshi,” Tendou yelled again from his house, his left eye was twitching. “The fuck are you doing here at six o’clock in the fuckig morning, you fucking fucker!”

Ushijima rolled his eyes and just honked at Tendou again.

With an inhuman sound the cat, yet again, fell down with a loud thumb.

Tendou didn’t even _flinch_. “You think this can make me move, you little shit?!” Tendou was shouting again, but Ushijima only grinned. “I’ve seen my cousin’s library, nothing scares me anymore!”

“You’re just afraid of his dog!” Ushijima shouted back, still grinning.

“Of course I am, it’s a fucking chihuahua!”

Ushijima snorted. “Now you’re just making a scene!”

“Says the one who is honking in front of my damn house–”

“Tendou!” Ushijima sticked his hand out of the window, holding a cell phone. “Wanna stop a fucking wedding or not?”

And Tendou finally shut up.

But then–

“THE FUCK DID Y–”

Ushijima honked at him again and now Tendou literally flinched and fell back to the floor. He laughed so hard Ushijima’s lungs started to hurt.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“How in the hell do you two know about how Semi is fucking Kenjirou?” Kawanishi said through the phone, being on speaker.

Tendou choked on his own fries and cheeseburger in the car. Ushijima’s eyes widened and patted Tendou on the back, rather strongly, still trying to watch the road ahead of him. Tendou coughed and then rolled down the window, spitting out one bit of the food.

Ushijima scowled in disgust and began,, “Holy mother of–”

“How in the fucking hell,” Tendou started once he pulled himself back together, “is Kawanishi able to make me suffocate every single day.”

“I heard that you motherfucker,” Kawanishi said in a blasé tone.

“News flash Kawanishi,” Tendou gestured wildly, even though Kawanishi couldn’t see him at all. “That was the whole point.”

“Children,” Ushijima spoke up in a calm voice. “Language. How old are we?”

“Wakato–”

“Ushiji–”

“I said how old _are_ we?” Ushijima’s tone changed into passive aggressive. He met with only silence. “That’s what I thought. Behave.”

Tendou snorted. “Says the guy who knocked out someone by only punching his jaw.”

For some reason, Kawanishi got really excited all of a sudden. “Our Ushijima?” He asked in a light tone. “There’s no way. He couldn’t hurt a fly.”

“_Ha_!” Tendou yelled with a wide grin. “I thought that too, you little shit!”

“Back to the topic,” Ushijima said before this was getting out of hand. He stopped the car and waited for the green light. “So Semi turned Shirabu down, am I correct?”

“Yeah, boss,” Kawanishi answered. “How you know that though, is as blurry as Tendou’s idea of Physics.”

“Boy, I am this close to smack the shit outta you–”

“Yeah? So what about it? Try me.”

“Try– oh my god, Kawanishi, did you just–”

“_Kids_,” Ushijima was staring at the green light, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “Okay, we need to get Semi realize what he just did – he will apologize to Shirabu, we are sure of it. Then everything will be back to the way it was,” he furrowed his brows in concentration. “He needs to apologize to him before the wedding, you get it Kawanishi?”

The light turned green and Ushijima continued his way on the road. The song in the radio changed into an old song which reminded him about a paradise filled with gangstas.

Tendou gave out a tiny excited sound and, out of nowhere, pulled out sunglasses and put them on. He even rolled down the window, only to stick out his arm. “That’s my jam,” he simply said and then grinned at Ushijima.

He was looking at that idiot and all Ushijima could do is smile.

He turned up the volume a little bit. But then Kawanishi said,

“Uh, guys?” His voice was hesitant.

“Yeah?” Ushijima asked looking back at the road. “What is it?”

“The wedding was an hour ago–”

He turned the car around with an insane sound, along with hundreds of honking and Tendou’s sunglasses falling out of the window, the cheeseburgers falling all over the floor along with the fries and Tendou began to shout, and then Kawanishi began to shout and Ushijima just stepped on that gas pedal and–

How could they _not_ arrive to a wedding which they needed to make _actually _happen?

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Tendou kicked a little stone on the ground, his hands were in the pocket of his jacket. “We screwed up, so what?” He said. “We just have to plan it over again. We have to make everything happen earlier.”

Ushijima was staring at the church in front of him and adjusted his baseball hat on his head. There were a lot of people in elegant suits and dresses, talking to one another, even calling someone and they did not look happy, not in the slightest. There were also a lot of people who seemed really fishy.

He narrowed his eyes. “Erin’s dad is a yakuza boss, right?” Ushijima brought a hand over his chin, thinking.

Tendou clicked his tongue proudly. “Fresh out of crime lord, no joke.” He stopped for a moment. “Mr. Yukiteru. A nasty fella, but he’s also a very good father so it’s confusing.”

Ushijima hummed and then he heard something coming from his left.

He noticed a homeless person, singing with a beautiful voice. A ragged hat on his head, clothes with holes, his white skin shone like snow as the sun hit it.

He was sitting on the ground, drumming with his hands using the ground. His voice was clear, so much better than what Ushijima used to hear on the radio from other musicians.

“_All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky and thought we both tried, I hoped we saw more than this chance for a life–_”

He then noticed another person walking to the homeless boy.

That person wore a purple jumper, and white shoes – he used weird colors and it suited him _somehow_. His dark skin was a contrast to the homeless boy.

And then they both began to sing.

“_I don’t know what they want me to see because I see what I see_,” their voices suited amazingly. One of them started to move around, doing a little dance. The other just vocalized, feeling the music. “_Tell them that I just don’t know–_”

And somehow there was a crowd around them. Talking, recording, smiling. People gave money to the homeless high–fived with the other person, patting his back.

Out of a nowhere, someone walked to them and joined in with a rap and people cheered and grinned. “_I’m trying to figure it out, I’ll keep my head up high – then I just get down on my knees to make everything okay, tell them again–_”

“_Tell them that I just don’t know–_” sang one of them.

“_All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky and thought we both tried–_”

“_I don’t know what they want me to see because I see what I see_,” their voices were pure soul.

Ushijima has never witnessed anything close to perfection in life before. Something so rare, something so unique, so raw and filled with humanity.

He turned around to see Tendou’s reaction.

Ushijima felt an overwhelming bittersweet sadness take over him.

Because Tendou looked so happy and joyful that it made Ushijima tear up.

And before he knew it, after the music ended, he walked over to those three people and just hugged them. No word, nothing, just gave them a big hug. They laughed and hugged him back.

_“...Then give them something little on every single day...”_

And then turned his attention to the homeless singer. He had clear grey eyes. Ushijima, like a second reflex, pulled out his wallet and gave it to him.

All of it.

The man just held it, not believing his own eyes. He pulled off his ragged hat, brought it over his heart and bowed a little. Then, he looked back at Ushijima and opened his mouth, probably to say he didn’t want such a generosity, but he must have seen something in Ushijima’s eyes, because in the end, he just gave out a calm, soft smile.

“What’s your name?” Ushijima asked softly, calmly.

“Roy,” he said gently.

“..._All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky and thought we both tried, I hoped we saw more than this chance for a life..._”

Ushijima felt chills ran down his spine.

_All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky._

And he just felt something in his soul, deep within, when he took the baseball hat off his own head, and put it on Roy’s and he only said, looking at this homeless man’s smile, “Happiness suits you.”

The boy pressed his lips into a thin line, fighting back his tears he reached out to him. Before he could say anything, Ushijima whispered, “Thank you for bringing joy to my friend.”

Roy then said something that Ushijima won’t ever forget. It felt like a fate of some sort, and looking back now, maybe it was.

Because Roy just laughed lightly when one tear escaped from his eye and rolled down on his cheek.

He said, “Thank you for giving me a reason to wake up tomorrow again.”

**––––––––––––––––––––––––**

_Ikigai_:

(n.) a reason for being: the thing that gets you up in the morning.

“Countless things you live for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I fall in love with this story more and more send help
> 
> PPS: Who isn't in love with Ushijima at this point? Seriously.
> 
> PPPS: I hope you guys are okay. Love and lots of hugs!
> 
> Here's the music in Roy's scene. I changed the lyrics a bit but there ya go: 
> 
> Click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho2Ht_Ll8Ms)


	12. Meliorism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HII MY ADORABLE–EVILS!!
> 
> Jesus Christ I've been waiting for a year. A WHOLE YEAR!! for this chapter.
> 
> When I outlined this I knew it will be something unique for me but also really hard to write. That's why it took too much time. But I really do hope you guys will loved this as much as I do :33333
> 
> PS: I love you guys so much and thank you for all the support and comments and kudos!! ESPECIALLY THE COMMENTS!! YOU ARE THE BEST!!

**Chapter 12**

**Meliorism**

“I’m sorry we haven’t met sooner, Wakatoshi.” Tendou spoke after they had been walking around the neighbourhoods for a while. Stars began to came up on the sky, and golden lamps lightened up the road like yellow rain. The asphalt echoed the colors from the quiet area which surrounded them like and endless spiral of northern lights.

Ushijima remembered how Tendou mentioned this had been one of the few things that could make him forget about his illness.

_“...Sometimes I forget it, you know?” Tendou spoke in the quiet car, looking ahead. “When there’s a soft light in the city, a certain scent in the air, a quiet murmur of a crowd,” he sighed. “I wish I could see, feel, and hear those things all the time for the rest of my life...”_

Ushijima slowed next to Tendou and just put his arms around his shoulder, hugging him while they continued walking. “I know buddy, me too,” he said and Tendou smiled a little. “But you’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

Tendou hugged Ushijima too, they were walking on the road without a single worry for the world. As if everything was theirs.

_And maybe it was._

In that moment, Ushijima thought, maybe it was.

“I have something called _Friedreich– ataxia_. It has a lot of deadly symptoms, but as I said, I have a couple of years before the worse ones hit me. We noticed it late... well, it is what it is now.” Tendou started saying, as if he was telling a story. Ushijima patted his best friend’s head, calming him. “Dad had the same thing, that’s why he died early. Mom was worried, you know? She told me she had prayed every single day for me... to not inherit it.”

Ushijima’s eyes turned sad as he pulled Tendou closer, trying to give him warmth, trying to give him health. Even though he knew he couldn’t help, not in this way at least.

“Don’t blame yourself, Tendou. No one wants that, certainly not me, certainly not your mom, okay?” Ushijima said and ruffled his red hair a little. “You said it yourself, we can’t be angry nor sad about it, right?”

Tendou sighed, leaning his head on Ushijima’s shoulder. “Okay that’s true,” he closed his eyes, stayed silent for a couple of minutes, and then said, “what if we joke about it?”

Ushijima snorted and tapped Tendou’s forehead gently. “Stupid ass,” he said. “How is that gonna help you?”

Tendou laughed a little. “You are already helping me,” he shrugged and turned his head to look at Ushijima. “So, joke about it?”

Ushijima shook his head slowly, “I can’t believe you,” he sighed and then looked up to the sky, giving in. “Okay,” he said looking back at him, his expression turning serious. “But tell me if something goes too far. Then we will stop, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tendou nodded. “Sure, why not.”

Ushijima nodded as well and let out a deep breath. It felt as if something heavy vanished from his heart.

Looking at Tendou, who was seemingly in peace for the longest time Ushijima could remember, something must had vanished from his own heart, too.

They were walking longer, turning left and right, even passing the house where Ushijima was yesterday. Katashi’s party, the one where Dennis and Reon were. Ushijima had a nostalgic smile on his face, even though it happened yesterday, it felt like it had happened last year.

Ushijima, in all honesty, had no idea how long he had been living in a time loop. But yet again, he did not care.

_I’ve been living in one for far too long before all of this anyway._

And Ushijima realized something.

It came out of nowhere.

He turned over to look at Tendou, who was admiring the lights of buildings. And Ushijima just asked, “Why did you go to the convenience store that late? When you met that boy?”

Tendou seemed surprised. He raised one of his brow. “Kageyama?” Ushijima nodded and then Tendou continued, in a really small voice, “I wanted to buy my medicine. That’s the only store that had the option and permit to sell medicine as well.”

Ushijima stopped breathing.

_“...Have you ever wondered why,” Tendou asked in a strained voice, pointing at his own chest, “I had to go into a convenience store so late at night? Why would I go there so late, when I have everything at home? What was so urgent, that it couldn’t wait one more day...?”_

“These medicines... they help you?” Ushijima asked hesitantly, looking at Tendou.

The boy lowered his gaze and just shrugged again. Tendou looked like a little kid and Ushijima heart just broke more and more.

He patted Tendou’s back a little and said, “You will love your life, buddy. I’ll make sure of it, just you see.”

“You’re already doing it, Wakatoshi,” he said with wonder. “At this point, even if I end up losing everything,” Tendou chuckled and then grinned. “I won’t ever forget I had you.”

He grabbed his best friend and hugged him and just held him and _god_–

Ushijima just lost it.

“Tendou, I really, _really_ love you,” Ushijima said with so much honesty it could have broke the sky. “I hope,” he took a deep breath, “you know that.”

Tendou just laughed and hugged him back saying, “I love you too,” and then repeated quietly, “I really love you too.”

Ushijima had no idea what would have happened, if he hadn’t hugged Tendou then and there. In all honesty, he did not want to think about that ever, _ever_ in his life.

Because that was the only reason he could notice the girl standing on the edge of a balcony.

The blood froze in his veins, he tensed up all rigid and his eyes widened in shock as he began to shout, still hugging Tendou, “_Stop_!”

The girl immediately looked at him and stopped moving, and Tendou whirled around with worry and fear because–

“Get out of my way!” The girl shouted from above them, looking down at both of them. She was only wearing a thin jacket, and a long skirt – the wind danced around with the fabric.

_She had no shoes._

No shoes on her feet.

Ushijima raised his hands in defense, slowly but surely and tried to take one step closer to the house in front of them–

“Don’t come any closer,” she said in a strong voice and raised one of her foot, it was hanging in the air now, “Get the fuck out of my way. I won’t tell you again–”

“Sorry, sorry, okay, just... what’s your name?” Damn, Ushijima couldn’t breathe–

The girl seemed hesitant. “Akira,” she said.

Ushijima took a deep breath and stopped and tried to think, tried to clear his mind but nothing came up– “Okay, Akira... don’t do this okay?” Ushijima begged. _Begged_. “There is always another way? Just trust me on this okay? We can help you – we can make this work, it’s going to be better–”

“Get,” she said through her teeth, with anger, with frustration, “out. of. my. sight.”

Ushijima just

couldn’t

_breathe._

_Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm–_

But Ushijima was not calm and the he had no idea what to say to the person in front of him, who seemed so eager to jump, so eager to end it all–

_Because I forgot how it felt like to hate life._

“So you want to jump, huh?”

And Tendou’s voice

cut

through.

It killed his worries. It killed the silence.

It made that girl

_stop_.

Ushijima looked back to his best friend with shock. “Tendou–”

“Do it then,” Tendou looked _vicious_. Ushijima had never seen him so angry before, he looked like a whole different person. “What are you waiting for? Do it!”

Ushijima paled. “_Tendou_–”

Tendou sent Ushijima a look that made him shut up almost immediately. He looked back to the girl who seemed still as eager as ever.

“Thank god, finally, so go away,” Akira just said but her voice got lower, close to the end. It made Ushijima pause.

Tendou raised his arms in defense. “Sure,” he said, shrugging. “I have one question, though.”

Akira let out a frustrated sigh. “If I answer, you will let me die in peace?”

Ushijima just looked at them from one another, as if he was watching a tennis match, having no idea what he was witnessing right now.

“I’m going to walk away, I promise,” Tendou said and Ushijima’s eyes got wider and wider.

“_What?_” He mouthed to Tendou, looking the most confused man alive.

Tendou just shrugged again, giving zero fucks whatsoever.

Ushijima almost fainted.

_What?!_

“Okay. Ask then,” she said.

Tendou blinked and stared up at the girl. Ushijima looked around but no one was there – this was a dead area, only two houses were here and the other one had no lights coming out of the window. There was no way they could get any help.

“What’s your favorite song?” Tendou’s voice was gentle.

Ushijima raised his eyebrows.

_What in the–_

Akira then answered in an ice cold voice, “_What’s up_ by _4 Non Blondes_... now get out.”

Ushijima felt the terror crawling up in his throat as he looked back at Tendou.

Their eyes met.

And Tendou just mouthed, “_Trust me and get into the house, see where she’s at just in case._”

Ushijima started nodding but then froze.

_Just in case?_

He just watched as Tendou pulled out his cell phone and typed something. After a couple of seconds, he turned up the volume and a song

spread

through

the street.

It was a light guitar, a nice tone and melody. Something nostalgic, something soulful and deep. Tendou looked back up and Ushijima followed his gaze.

The girl’s eyes were big as she was staring at the phone in Tendou’s hand. Time stood still, as the lights around them glowed with red, and purple and gold.

_Endless red, purple and gold._

The wind caressed her black hair, guiding its way into her eyes – but she did not move nor blink, she was just staring at the phone, grabbing the edge.

And then the singing began to revive the quiet area.

“_Twenty–five years and my life is still. I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for a destination,_” the woman’s voice was unique, clear and slow, full of soul. “_I realized quickly when I knew I should, that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man... for whatever that means._”

Tendou just stepped a bit closer, still holding his phone. Ushijima noticed the YouTube video had lyrics as well.

And then he finally realized.

Ushijima finally figured it out.

He looked back to Akiraand saw how she stared ahead into nothing, listening to the music. Her skirt looked like a dancing person itself, and as how the lights fell on her, she looked like as if she was on a concert or a ball.

_Where something unforgettable was happening._

“_And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed, just to get it all out what’s in my head and I_–” Ushijima had never heard this song but it made feel whole in a way. He felt that – and it was no way it was true –, but for a moment, it felt like his heart was beating to the rhythm. “_I’m feeling, a little peculiar._”

Tendou looked at Ushijima and signaled him to get into the house. Ushijima nodded and slowly started walking to the main door.

And then Tendou began to sing.

And Ushijima halted in his steps.

“_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside_,” Tendou sang in a terrible accent, reading the lyrics and trying to keep an eye on the girl at the same time. He smiled a little. “_And I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs, What’s going on?_” Tendou pointed at the girl. “It’s your turn sis! Come on!” He shouted with a grin while the music was building up with drums, electronic guitars and– “You know you want to, _so let them hear you!_”

And Ushijima just watched his world glow and _shine,_ when he heard the girl scream–

“_And I say; Hey– ey– ey,_” she sang with her whole soul. “_Hey– ey– ey. I said hey...”_

And Ushijima’s skin broke out in shivers when he stretched his arms out and felt the rain on his skin.

Tendou began to scream as well, still grinning, “_What’s going on?_”

She began to sob, and for some reason, Ushijima did too, when Tendou and her began to sing together. “_And I say; Hey– ey– ey,_” she sang with a broken voice with Tendou. “_Hey– ey– ey. I said hey. What’s going on?_”

Akira was shaking as the rain washed over her, as if it was cleansing her – as if it was embracing her.

“_And I try,_” Tendou began, guiding her with joy._ “Oh my God, do I try?_”

Ushijima wiped his tears away as the rain was falling on him, just as fast, just as well as on the day when he opened his eyes for the first time.

_“I try all the time,_” she sang along with him with a little chuckle, “_in this institution._”

And he felt wonder.

So much

wonder

_about life._

“_And I pray. Oh my God, do I pray?_” Now both of them were smiling, the rain glowed up the asphalt with colors, hundreds of pastel birds and shapes. “_I pray every single day for a revolution,_” Akira’s smile was as wide as the night sky as she raised her head to feel the rain on her face. “_And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed, just to get it all out what’s in my head and I– I’m feeling, a little peculiar._”

“_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,_” Akira looked down at Tendou and they were smiling at each other. “_And I take a deep breath and I get real high. And I scream from the top of my lungs, What’s going on?_” They shouted with a grin while the music was building up with drums, electronic guitars and–

“_And I say; Hey– ey– ey,_” they sang together, Tendou raising his arms into the air, embracing the world_. _“_Hey– ey– ey. I said hey...What’s going on?_”

And the whole street echoed because of their voices – Tendou’s horrible one and Akira’s beautiful one, and Ushijima could only think about one thing. Looking at Tendou who was dying and had only a few years left, and Akira who wanted to end all of her chances to continue living.

Singing together.

Lively and filled with joy.

And Ushijima just raised his head, felt the rain on his skin, and wondered if there was a God.

He wondered about that when the music started to slow down. He wondered about that when the city melted away by the rain.

He wondered about that when Tendou and Akira sang the last line of the song, with voices which could have haunted anyone’s life.

“_Twenty–five years and my life is still. I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for a destination._”

And Ushijima just raised his head and knew there he was.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

On the next day, Ushijima woke up with the song still echoing in his mind.

He found himself humming it while he was getting ready.

He doubted he would ever forget it.

And when he opened his door and found Tendou standing there, they both just smiled, knowing what to do.

They will save someone.

**–––––––––––––––**

“What do you mean you have no fucking idea where to get suits?” Tendou almost shouted into the phone while Ushijima was driving.

“How would I know, Satori?” Yamagata just shouted back like reflex. “I ain’t going to wedding Amigo! Ever!”

“The fu– HAYATO YOU’RE JAPANESE–”

“YOUR POINT?!”

“MY POINT?!”

“JESUS CRHIST YAMAGATA YOU’RE NOT EVEN ON SPEAKER!” Ushijima shouted too.

“WATCH THE ROAD–” Tendou screamed, pointing forward.

“WHAT IS HAPPENIN–” Yamagata began.

Ushijima turned the wheel with the speed of a warrior and hit the breaks when he almost ran over an old guy who did _not_

have

any

reaction

whatsoever.

There was silence, as Tendou and Ushijima just watched the old guy crossed the street with a light smile, only looking forward.

Then, with the same unbelievable expression, they turned to each other, still in silence.

“ARE YA’LL FINALLY HIT SOMETHING?” Yamagata shouted with joy in his voice. “IT WAS PROBABLY TENDOU’S FAULT! HAH! I KNEW YOU TWO WOULD END UP IN JAIL ONE DAY!”

And Tendou, how he was, just yelled back. “I CAN’T EVEN DRIVE!”

“EXACTLY!”

However, Ushijima was caught up with something else what Yamagata said. “_FINALLY_?” he echoed.

“ARE YA’LL REALLY NEED WEDDING SUITS?” Yamagata continued yelling–

_Why is he yelling? _Ushijima thought, looking into the distance.

“YEAH WE NEED TO CRASH A WEDDING!” Tendou screamed back. “BUT NO ONE CAN MAKE ONE FOR US TODAY AND THE SHOPS AREN’T OPEN THIS EARLY!”

_Why is Tendou yelling? _Ushijima thought again, looking into the distance with severe expression.

“I MEAN I KNOW A GUY!” Yamagata began. “HE KNOWS A PLACE THAT IS SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS! YOU TWO HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK THIS STUFF HAPPENS, IT’S NUTS!”

Tendou looked at Ushijima but he just shrugged. He checked his watch and nodded. They had time.

“SO WHO’S THIS GUY?!” Tendou yelled.

Ushijima was staring at his best friend in a very confused way. Tendou was red because of all this screaming.

_Why do these guys always end up screaming?_

Ushijima wondered if there were a pair out there who yelled into phones just as much as Tendou and Yamagata.

He furrowed his brows, looking thoughtful.

_Probably not._

“OH YOU’RE GONNA LOVE HIM!” Yamagata laughed maniacally. “I MET HIM ON A REALLY INSANE DAY, THERE WAS A BIG SCUFFLE IN A BAR. I TELL YOU ONE DAY! I CALL HIM AND HE WILL BE THERE TO PICK YOU UP!”

Ushijima frowned. “Pick us up?”

And Yamagata just laughed and laughed until he said:

“PREPARE TO MEET THE BEST TAXI DRIVER OF YOUR LIFE!”

**––––––––––––––––––**

“So let me get this straight,” the taxi driver gestured while driving, the cigarette was moving in his mouth as he was speaking. “You two have to crash a wedding – and to do this you have to make this Semi person to apologize to this another person before all of this happens.”

Tendou and Ushijima were adjusting their suits, sitting at the back. “Yes,” Tendou said. “Except that you left out that we gotta save a person from committing suicide.”

The taxi driver was staring at them for a long time, smoking. Then he just said. “You guys are something else, I’m telling you.”

Ushijima straightened his tie, then he saw Tendou struggling with his so he moved to help him tie it. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I hear normally?” The taxi driver asked. “People go to work then get back home, maybe someone has a birthday, tourists,” he looked into the mirror at them by the time Ushijima finished Tendou’s tie. “Crashing a wedding and stopping a suicide?” He laughed a little, shrugging. “I mean what will be next time? How rare is this? I mean really? It’s not like the next guy I pick up is the boss of the mafia, you know?”

Tendou and Ushijima exchanged a look.

“Or you know, someone who is chased by the police– like that is rare, boys.”

Tendou and Ushijima looked back at him.

The taxi driver just shrugged again. “Well anyway,” he said. “We’ll arrive soon to the house ; good luck stopping her suicide by the way. I hope she’ll get better, truly.” He turned back to look at them. “You still don’t want another ride after that’s done? To the wedding?”

Tendou waved it off. “No thanks,” he said. “There’s a friend close to the house, Katashi, he’ll surely allow us to borrow his car for awhile.”

The taxi driver nodded and looked back ahead. Ushijima then only realized.

_I have no idea of the name of this man._

“Sorry,” Ushijima began. “What was your name again? I did not quite catch it.”

Before the driver could answer, Ushijima’s phone rang. He picked it up when he saw the ID.

“How’s the plan going Kawanishi?” He asked holding it over his ear.

“We have a situation here, boss,” he said. “Like you said, I bought the roses for Semi to give it to Shirabu–”

“Okay–”

“And booked a table for them under Semi’s name for the night–”

“Good, that’s great news–”

“I even stole the cat you mentioned–”

“Okay, good jo– did you just say that you steal the cat?”

Ushijima met with silence.

“Should I not have stolen it?” Kawanishi asked after a minute.

Ushijima counted to ten in his head and said. “You remember the thing we call ‘_buying_’ Kawanishi?”

“Well I mean” Kawanishi began, as calm as ever. “It’s not like anyone saw.”

Ushijima was silent.

Kawanishi was silent.

“Let’s just pretend this little conversation did not happen, okay?” Ushijima murmured and then asked. “So then what’s the problem? You have everything– Semi has everything for the apology.”

“Yeah that’s true,” Kawanishi continued. “He just got cold feet.”

“HE WHAT?!” Ushijima shouted.

Because of the loud voice, the taxi driver almost drove over something, Tendou began to scream and Ushijima literally did not even notice, he was so angry. He only pointed at Tendou and said, “Do something with Semi, he is a coward.”

Tendou didn’t even questioned he just dialed the number and put him on speaker. “What?” Semi picked up.

“You motherfucker little shit, you once beat someone with their own baseball bat and you’re telling me you’re afraid to talk to Shirabu fucking Kenjirou?” Tendou said in the calmest voice ever on earth.

“YEAH SO WHAT?” Semi began to yell.

“Damn–” Kawanishi spoke through Ushijima’s phone.

And Ushijima just wasn’t having it.

“THAT’S THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YOU STUPID ASS,” Ushijima shouted. “SO YOU WILL MAN UP, ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG, TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT YOU STAY FOR HIM, OR SO GOD HELP ME I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO GET BEATEN–”

“Hey, boy,” the taxi driver spoke calmly. “If your precious one is hurt by for whatever you did or say, then that means that he will forgive you. Do as this rather determined fella says, he knows what he’s talking about. He’s seen some shit, I can tell. Just be brave and do it, ‘kay?”

There was a stunned silence.

“Who are you?” Semi asked after a while.

The taxi driver winked and introduced himself. “I’m Hanzou.”

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

The moment the girl opened the door, Tendou started to speak:

“We gotta crash a wedding,” he said, looking very twitchy and excited, yet pretty serious at the same time. “But the moment we’re done you better be home!”

Akira looked the most confused person alive.

“What–”

Ushijima took a look at his watch and paled. “Look,” Ushijima said in a hurry, looking back at her. “Don’t give up, Akira. There is always hope,” he smiled at her gently and then gave her his number written on a piece of paper. “Call me when you want to, we will talk later I promise,” Ushijima looked over to Tendou. “Hey, we gotta go to Katashi’s, asking for the car otherwise we’re going to be late again.”

Akira looked even more confused.

_Being late to a wedding again?_

Tendou nodded and then patted Akira’s shoulders lightly. “You’ve got this,” he said softly to her and then waved, walking away. Ushijima waved, too.

As they were walking away from the house, Tendou suddenly asked, looking at Ushijima. “I hope everything will end up being fine.”

Ushijima was rather positive about this. “Have a little faith, Tendou–”

He halted in his steps.

And for some reason, he had no idea why, but he turned his head to look at the house next to Akira’s.

He stood there, staring at it, feeling something he couldn’t quite shake off.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“What do you mean we can’t borrow your car?” Ushijima looked devastated. He looked back but he already knew that Hanzou took off.

_This can’t be happening._

“This car isn’t really a big deal and I know you two are Reon’s friends and all, and like he called me saying you two are good guys,” Katashi said in a blasé tone. “But I’ve been thinking and despite all of that, the car is still the apple of my eye, okay?”

Ushijima opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, then opened it again – he looked over to Tendou who seemed the calmest person ever on earth.

Ushijima folded his arms together, still looking at Tendou, and said, “What does this even mea–”

“May I use your bathroom, ‘Tashi?” Tendou asked, yet again, calmly.

Katashi shrugged. “Sure,” he let him in, standing back. Both of them watched Tendou vanish in the house – Ushijima with his jaw fallen down, and Katashi with his ‘_I give no shit_’ twenty-four –seven face.

All Ushijima could do is gape like a fish.

_What is happening?_

“So yeah,” Katashi looked back to him. “Sorry, pal.”

Ushijima raised his arms as if asking ‘a_re you fucking kidding me?_’

“I need to crash a wedding, _pal_,” he started to get frustrated. “You have no idea what day we’ve been having and–”

And then Ushijima saw Tendou walking out of the house, behind Katashi, holding

the

car

key.

Ushijima had to bite down his tongue in order not to laugh because–

_Jesus fucking christ, Tendou is a genius._

“You know what?” Ushijima changed from a demon to a saint in a blink of an eye. “I’m sorry, I understand. Really, we’ll be on our way, right Tendou?”

Tendou quickly hid the car key and gave Katashi an innocent smile. “Yeah,” he walked back to Ushijima. “Thanks for allowing me to use the loo.”

Katashi just waved at him. “It’s nothing, pal,” he nodded at them. “Well, good luck then, bye guys,” he closed the door.

The moment the door was closed, Ushijima turned to his best friend. Tendou grinned like a lunatic and then asked for a high–five.

Ushijima, giving up, just laughed and gave him one. “You really are something else,” he told him.

Tendou twirled the key in his hand. “You’re lucky I am because otherwise you’d never get anything done.”

Ushijima looked amused. “Touché,” he said. “Not legally that’s for sure.”

Tendou didn’t even pay attention to him, he just walked to the car and Ushijima followed him. Tendou’s finger hovered above the _unlock_ button.

Their eyes met.

“This will give out a sound,” he said, still grinning. “He will notice so get in the car shamelessly fast, Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima nodded, staring to feel excited as well for some reason. “Sure.”

Tendou was still looking at him. “I’m serious,” he said. “I’ll leave you here you know.”

Ushijima snorted. “As if,” he said. “You don’t even know where the wedding is at.”

Tendou looked at him, then away, then back to him. “Sounds fair,” he shrugged.

Ushijima frowned. “What kind of answer–”

The car gave out a short beep.

And both of them got in as fast as Yamagata when he heard the word ‘_fried chicken._’

But they did not think something through.

Tendou was in the driving seat.

_Not Ushijima._

Both of them freaked out.

“TENDOU YOU CAN’T DRIVE–”

“IT’S TOO LATE TO SWITCH SEATS–”

The door of the house opened and like a reflex Tendou started the car and then drove away from the house, laughing like a maniac – Ushijima had never been terrified more than now in his short life and he thought this was really the end but then he saw

Katashi

running after the car

with a baseball bat.

The grin on Tendou’s face froze as they looked at each other. 

Ushijima did not really believe what he had seen, so he decided to look back once again, just to make sure–

_No, he really is–_

_Is that a flamethrowe–_

Ushijima paled.

“USHIJIMA!” Tendou yelled. “DO YOU SEE–”

“I DO!” Ushijima shouted back, stilling looking back. “Drive, Tendou, drive, _drive–”_

“HOW DO I GO FASTER?”

“YOU CAN START A CAR BUT HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO ACCELERATE?”

“REON ONLY SHOWED ME HOW TO START IT–”

“WITH GOOD REASON AS I CAN SEE– JUST USE THE CLUTCH AND SHIFT IT–”

Tendou drove faster, freaking out. “Who _even_ has a flamethrower these days?” Tendou stopped the car when he saw red. “Did we lose him?”

Ushijima squinted and then saw something. “Tendou–”

“But like who even thinks of buying one just to–”

“Tendou–”

“Where did he get it anyway–”

“TENDOU!”

“WHAT?”

“DRIVE!”

“IT’S RED!”

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE WE’RE ALREADY BREAKING THE LAW JUST DRIVE!”

“WHY?”

“BECAUSE THE BASEBALL BAT IS ON FIRE AND HE’S AIMING!”

“WHAT?” and Tendou just drove like a mad man, screaming and Ushijima was, too, screaming and oh god they were both going to die.

And then they heard sirens.

And that was really

the

end.

Because–

“TENDOU DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT,” Ushijima shouted, looking at his best friend. “THIS IS NOT OUR CAR AND YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE DRIVING LICENSE IF WE STOP WE DIE–”

“IF WE DON’T STOP THEN WE WILL ALSO DIE–”

But then a taxi rushed by them, much faster than how they were going. The cops turned around and began to chase the taxi and not them.

And Tendou and Ushijima didn’t stop they drove and drove until they arrived to the church, ran into the building, looking like two people who just had been through hell and they noticed something.

Neither the bride nor Shirabu were here, however, everyone else looked anxious most especially the groom.

Ushijima then realized.

_Shirabu already ran after her._

Their help wasn’t needed because the apology was a success. They couldn’t even move for a moment. Kawanishi walked over them and said, “What took you so long?” looking stressful.

And after a long minute of silence, Tendou and Ushijima exchanged a look.

And then

the door opened.

And the bride walked in.

“I’m sorry I ran away,” she said with a determined smile. “But you guys have no idea what a hell of a crazy chase I was in.”

_That taxi._

And Tendou and Ushijima just burst out laughing.

Tendou was crying he was laughing so hard, holding his stomach and Ushijima’s knees just gave up, he fell down pulling Tendou with himself, wheezing. They were laughing so loudly, that was all everyone could hear in this church and Ushijima thought nothing would ever beat this in all his life.

But then the door opened again and Shirabu stepped in and the first thing he saw were these two

dying from laughter on the floor.

But even so, what made all hell go down, it was how Shirabu just said, in the most serious expression anyone could ever pull of, “What the fuck is going on today?”

And Ushijima lost it, Tendou couldn’t breathe, Kawanishi looked confused, Shirabu was done, this was a church where the bride ran away then come back, they just broke the law, were chased by someone holding a flamethrower because they stole a car and Ushijima just realized he would never forget what day it was anymore.

And then Ushijima’s phone rang and he picked it up, trying not to laugh, still lying on the floor and Akira just said, “I have no idea why, but someone just did the same thing a couple of hours ago which you two tried to do, I guess. What is going on today?”

Ushijima turned surprised and tried to concentrate because he couldn’t hear it well because Tendou was still roaring with laughter. “Who?”

Akira just said, “My neighbor, Kageyama Tobio.”

And Ushijima hung up and started laughing, looking over Tendou just to say, “You will have no idea who went over to Akira just to say the exact same thing we did.”

Tendou was as red as his hair. “Who?” he tried taking deep breaths.

“Kageyama Tobio.”

And Tendou wheezed and Ushijima’s shoulders were shaking and his head was hurting and was it possible to die from laughing too much–

“Who did you just say?” Shirabu asked with wonder. “Kageyama Tobio?”

“Yeah, I met him before, why?” Tendou asked still struggling to breathe. “That guy, he’s everywhere.”

And Shirabu just said with surprise, “He helped me catch Erin.”

And he just lost it, not seeing a thing because of the tears and Tendou just couldn’t cope and Ushijima just loved

being

alive

so

much.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“So everything is fine with Akira?” Ushijima asked Tendou over the phone. “Tell her I owe her a coffee.”

Tendou laughed. “She likes that idea,” he said. “She says she will tattoo this day on her arm. I told her it should be on the butt–”

“Tendou!”

“– but she said that would be uncomfortable so we left it that.”

Ushijima snorted. “As you should.”

“You’re no fun.”

Ushijima just shook his head, smiling. He was walking on a road where only people walked and it felt nice in a way.

He walked close to the side, leaned close and touched the handrail. He looked forward and saw the thousands light of the city. When he looked down he saw cars. Driving on the road. Their lights felt gold in the night.

“How’s life Tendou?” Ushijima asked quietly with a little smile.

It was silence for a couple of minutes before Tendou gently said, “I forgot.”

_Tendou forgot he was dying._

Ushijima’s heart clenched with love and he closed his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ushijima could feel Tendou’s smile. “The world was so big today that I just forgot.”

_“...After all those angry days, after all those furious mornings... I woke up one day,” Tendou looked up to the sky, “On that day, I told myself this: the world is big and I want to have a good look at it before I die. I believed in this with everything I had...”_

And Ushijima looked up to the sky too and he just said, “I think I will always know what day it is in the future, Tendou.”

“Yeah?” Tendou was still smiling.

“Yeah,” Ushijima inhaled the air, as if he was accepting life. “The world was so big today that I just realized it.”

Tendou just laughed lightly and hung up. Ushijima smiled and put the phone away.

And then he got this feeling.

A strong feeling to look to the side.

Time slowed down then. It felt like as if those hundreds of people stopped, and yet everything still glowed and existed.

It felt like that when Ushijima said, “Kageyama Tobio?”

Because it felt like as if everything that happened in his life was the reason to end up here, today, now.

And Ushijima just remembered something, completely out of the blue. Something that he said to his grandma, not long ago.

_“...What do you think? Why are you trapped?” She asked instead._

_“Maybe needed to realize how to live my life for the best,” he admitted slowly, not so sure about himself._

_Mitsuko was staring at him with a little smile. “Or maybe you just had to find all the reasons why you needed to realize how to live...”_

And suddenly Ushijima couldn’t remember his monotonous life when Kageyama turned around to look at him.

He really couldn’t because the world seemed big and he knew it was Tuesday today, and he wore colorful clothes and–

And suddenly Ushijima couldn’t remember his monotonous life.

It felt like that when Kageyama said, “Ushijima?”

**–––––––––––––––––**

_Meliorism:_

(n.) the belief that the world gets better;

The belief that humans can improve the world

“Be the good in the world”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I really am in love with Ushijima. Even tho Kags is my fav, I just can't seem to let go Ushijima. Who's your faves guys? I'm curious! LET ME KNOW DOWN BELOW!!
> 
> AKIRA'S SONG/ WHAT'S GOING ON COVER: 
> 
> Click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BoTx70RRe0)


	13. Metanoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SCREAMING

**Chapter 13**

**Metanoia**

Ushijima Wakatoshi was standing in front of a person who was in a time loop.

He was standing in front of a boy – who was younger than him – and yet, turned up everywhere Ushijima or Tendou had gone. Always making things right, as if he knew exactly what to do.

Kageyama Tobio made Tendou feel better, he talked with Akira, he helped Shirabu catch Erin–

And despite all of that the first thing that really popped into Ushijima’s mind was:

“You were in jail with Tendou!”

“You’re one of the best aces in the country!”

They both pointed at the other simultaneously, screaming.

_What?!_

“WHAT?!” they shouted at the same time.

Kageyama’s blue eyes went round, his black hair was sticking out everywhere – he looked like a kid but something more as well. It made Ushijima stop breathing for a moment and he had no idea why.

Then Kageyama gasped, still pointing at Ushijima. “You’re Tendou’s best friend?”

And Ushijima remembered something.

_“...There was no one he could call to the police station to get him, Wakatoshi,” Tendou said quietly. “He thanked me, but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything flashy or remarkable and he thanked me for some reason.”_

_Ushijima’s heart soared as his eyes softened when he noticed Tendou tearing up. He slowly blinked, and turned back to Ushijima, saying,_

_“I think I was the first friend he ever made...”_

Ushijima, without another single word, walked towards him, grabbed him by his shoulders, and pulled him in for a hug

“We finally ran into each other, time loop buddy,” Ushijima laughed, full of life. He patted Kageyama’s back a couple of times.

_You’re not lonely anymore._

Kageyama froze, he felt as if he wanted to step back from the hug–

“Relax,” Ushijima continued, soothing him. “Tendou remembered you and told me.”

_“...How are you so sure that he’s also in a time loop?” Ushijima asked sitting on his bed, looking at Tendou who was sitting at the other side of his bed, hugging a big, fluffy pillow. His hair looked like a nest, but his eyes screamed adrenalin._

_Tendou started nodding with wide eyes, completely sure. “He is, I swear. You guys have different eyes, like you saw things only old people could...”_

Ushijima leaned back to look into Kageyama’s eyes. He was expecting to find the same eyes he has – old eyes, someone’s who had seen too much.

But Kageyama had a bit different eyes.

He looked like someone–

_Someone who did see much, but never looked away._

**–––––––––––––––––**

They were walking in the city afterwards. Something whispered Ushijima that the city glowed with the lights of souls. It was a weird choice of words but he had no idea how to explain better the feeling he had.

Kageyama walked differently than other people, Ushijima noticed.

He looked everywhere but ahead. But even if he did look ahead, his eyes lingered on people, but never for too long. However, he walked slowly as if he wanted to have time to look at everything.

_Well, I think that’s what time loops could do to you._

Kageyama then spoke, while walking. “So you’re really saying that after the incident, Tendou went back to that store and stole the deodorant every single time, just to stop that killer?”

_He went for his medicine._

A sharp pain struck Ushijima’s chest and he had to brace himself before giving an answer. He forced a grin on himself and started shaking his head, deciding to give a half truth. “I’d lie, if I said that was his only reason. He’s not a saint, he’s the biggest idiot in the world – he wanted to see whether you show up or not.”

Kageyama broke into a smile. “Really?” he wondered. “We almost met when you and him talked to Akira.”

_Oh yeah, the phone._

Ushijima’s eyes shone with recognition. “You’re the guy she was talking about earlier.”

Kageyama’s smile was so wide. “That was really something else.”

“You should have seen Tendou, at the wedding,” Ushijima patted Kageyama’s shoulder as they were walking, smiling a little. “He looked so shocked when Shirabu told him who helped him catch the bride.”

Kageyama looked speechless. Ushijima burst out laughing and pointed at his face. “Yes, just like that.”

Kageyama laughed, too and then pushed Ushijima a bit on the shoulders. Although, today was the first time they met in person, Ushijima felt like he had known Kageyama for years.

“I’ve never thought we would meet,” Ushijima spoke with a voice full of wonder as he was staring at the starry sky above them. “I think this is another good thing my time loop gave me.”

“You like being in a time loop?” Kageyama asked, his voice was quiet.

The city shone with thousands of colors, like a stained glass in a church. Ushijima gave out a little laugh then.

_“...Have you ever wondered how souls may look like?” Ushijima whispered._

_Mitsuko looked away and smiled, while looking at the people who were there in the church. “Colorful,” she said. “Like stained glass...”_

But then he blinked, the joy from his heart vanishing for a bit like flower withering in winter as he said:

“People think they have time when they don’t.”

And he thought about Tendou.

_“...There’s one funny thing about knowing you’re gonna die, Wakatoshi,” Tendou said quietly. “You make every single day count...”_

And Ushijima

felt

something

move his soul.

“I’ve been living the same day,” Ushijima spoke, still looking at the sky, still walking without looking ahead. “I’ve been living the same day and I realized something,” he went silent for a minute, gathering his strength and bravery. “They are rushing, Kageyama. They think like this: I have tomorrow to do those things, I have tomorrow to check those papers, I have tomorrow to visit my family, I have tomorrow to meet my friend, I have tomorrow to propose,” Ushijima blinked and looked back to Kageyama.

And he thought about Tendou.

_“...After all those angry days, after all those furious mornings... I woke up one day,” Tendou looked up to the sky, “On that day, I told myself this: the world is big and I want to have a good look at it before I die. I believed in this with everything I had...”_

And Ushijima, before he could really think through, said the first thing his soul wanted him to say;

“But some of us have only today and you never know.”

And Kageyama was only staring at him, as if he could _see_ Ushijima – as if he understood.

_Because he did. He really did._

“And what happened to you?” Ushijima asked, crossing his arms, waiting patiently.

Kageyama blinked and then seemed to be confused for a single moment – it happened so fast Ushijima thought he had imagined it.

Then he smiled a little. “I needed to change,” he said wholeheartedly. “My teammates treated me as if I was just dirt on their shoes.”

Ushijima just stared.

_Did somebody really can hurt this kid? Do people of his age really not have hearts?_

“Then they weren't good people, not to mention teammates,” Ushijima said with a severe tone. It was simple as that.

“It wasn’t my fault?” Kageyama asked, breathless, surprised even.

_Tendou spoke with a quiet voice,_

_“...Wakatoshi, do you think I’m weird?”_

_His blood ran cold. It felt like a punch in the gut. His mind began to turn into a hurricane as his eyes widened with surprise and fear and–_

_“No,” Ushijima said, his heart turned weak for his best friend. “You never were...”_

Ushijima looked at him. One of the most honest and genuine gaze Kageyama had ever seen. “No one deserves to be treated like that.”

And that was when they noticed that they were standing in front of a bar. There was a sign.

_‘Day and Minutes’_

And when Kageyama noticed Park from the window, he began to smile and this made Ushijima feel like as if the whole world had been waiting for this to happen.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“I helped a lot of people, Ushijima,” Kageyama said, eating his pork cutlet bowl, sitting on the stool. “I changed into someone else. Someone I would never see myself to meet, or simply running into, through a crowd.”

Ushijima smiled a little. “I’ve always felt like a stranger in my skin,” he seemed thoughtful, staring at him. “You know what I noticed?”

Kageyama’s mouth was filled with food, so he just shook his head, listening and Ushijima couldn’t help but think about his old self.

Who would never talk to Kageyama – or anyone else in that matter – this openly, who never knew what day it was, who was afraid to call his father, who never punched anyone, never stole a car, never felt as if he was alive, _really_ alive.

Ushijima, simply said, “You look like someone who fell in love with life.”

Kageyama swallowed and waited a couple of minutes. “It was hard for me to realize that,” he said quietly and looked away. Even if the bar was filled with noise, even if all the others were talking.

“It was hard to see how broken I had been,” he slowly shook his head, closing his eyes. “I sometimes wonder what will happen after my time loop ends. Should I live the same? Should I just try to continue where I left off with some of the things? Would that be better–”

“Do everything you had done. Do them again on your last day.”

Kageyama’s eyes snapped open.

But Ushijima didn’t stop his voice, didn’t stop his soul. “I think we will feel when it’s our last day. Our last chance to do something more, something better,” he smiled, truly believing so. He could feel tomorrow would be his last one, it was a hunch. “You need to realize we won’t have time either, after we get out of this situation. You need to live your life the way you want to – the way you really long to.”

“Why? Kageyama asked, as if he wanted to understand and Ushijima wanted him to do.

Ushijima slightly shrugged. “Because you might wake up and notice you’re someone you’re not.”

“And?”

Ushijima leaned back on his chair. “And you have one day to show the world who you really are.”

_One last day._

“And who am I?”

Ushijima fell silent.

_I don’t know, Kageyama._

He was looking at him, a quiet, nostalgic smile. “I have no idea. I’ve never met someone like you.”

Someone who touched something and made it gold and yet remained so human.

“Someone like who?” Kageyama asked quietly.

Ushijima didn’t even hesitate. “Someone who is this terrifyingly real.”

Kageyama looked afraid, he looked like a bird who wanted to fly but forgot he had wings. “But what if the real me will be too much for them? What if I have to stop being me and act like nothing happened?”

And Ushijima thought about Semi, had been too afraid to stay for Shirabu because of his parents. He thought about Dennis, who had been afraid of being herself. He thought about Akira, who had lost her will to live. He thought about that guitarist, he thought about that homeless singer, Roy, he thought about all the people who pulled their umbrellas up when it rained–

And Ushijima thought about Tendou.

Who had no idea how to live his remaining years while keeping his illness a secret.

_Because you had to make every single day count and you can’t do that if you’re not being you._

And Ushijima tilted his head in wonder, as he said in a feather light voice,

“It’s time to remember what it feels like to be alive. So don’t stop.”

And Ushijima could swear he could hear as Kageyama stretched out his wings to fly.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

When Ushijima woke up today he felt he could hear the rain struck down the sky like the dawn of a new life.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was sitting at the table in the kitchen, looking at the note which his mother had left behind before she had gone to work:

_Have a nice day in school, food is in the fridge, tell grandma her books are going to arrive later._

_Call your dad._

_Love you._

Ushijima stared at the piece of paper. He read it again. His eyes lingered on three words for far too long.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima felt a gentle flutter in his heart as he remembered his father words.

_“...I want to wear colors.”_

_“No one has ever said you couldn’t...”_

He stared down at his phone, looking at his dad’s number.

_Call your dad._

Ushijima pressed down the button and then brought it over his ears, waiting for him to pick up.

“Wakatoshi, finally!” Ushijima froze when he heard his dad’s voice, filled with gratefulness, worry and happiness. “I thought you’d never pick up, you scared the hell out of me–”

“Dad,” Ushijima began, clenching the phone.

“Yes, I’m here, shoot, what’s wrong?” Takashi answered immediately, listening.

_And what would you say?_

Ushijima remembered all the times he had no idea what to say.

And now?

He had no idea where to even begin.

_Oh, but I know._

“I love you,” Ushijima told his dad. “When can I visit you in London?”

“ I love you, too, but–” his dad went silent for a long time before answering, “I thought you would never want to visit me.”

Ushijima grinned a little and said, “Well then how would you know about how I punched a guy in the jaw?”

“What do you mean how I– you did WHAT?” Ushijima’s dad yelled but Ushijima could tell he was very excited. “And I was _not_ there, tell me Satori recorded it–”

And Ushijima just burst out laughing.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“Can I help you?” a woman walked close to Ushijima, who was currently holding three different types of colorful hoodies in his hands in the shop.

“My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi,” he said while smiling, looking at her.

Her eyes widened. “Nice to meet you, I’m Uta.”

And Ushijima bought a lot of colorful clothes – also saving Uta’s number –, which he knew, would remain tomorrow for the first time as well.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima’s phone rang. He picked it up when he saw the ID.

“How’s the plan going Kawanishi?” He asked holding it over his ear.

“Everything is going well, boss,” Kawanishi said. “Semi seems determined. The apology should go without a problem.”

Ushijima smiled. “That’s good news.”

“Yeah,” Kawanishi said and then paused a little. “You know Ushijima, I always knew you were more than this quiet person.”

Ushijima turned surprised. “Really? Why?” he asked.

“Because even though you were quiet, when it mattered you were always there.”

And Ushijima felt joy pierce through his veins.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“She wants to ask you something,” Reon stated. “Isn’t that right, Dennis?”

Dennis gave Reon a look. “I wouldn’t be here in the first place if Seth didn’t tell you that I’m–”

“_Isn’t_ that right, Dennis?” Reon folded his arms together in front of his chest.

Ushijima tried to act as if he had no idea what was going on, but inside he was already smiling, because soon Dennis and he would be friends and he couldn’t wait for the school to freak out about it.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

And then he turned his attention to the homeless singer. He had clear grey eyes. Ushijima, like a second reflex, pulled out his wallet and gave it to him.

All of it.

The man just held it, not believing his own eyes. He pulled off his ragged hat, brought it over his heart and bowed a little. Then, he looked back at Ushijima and opened his mouth, probably to say he didn’t want such a generosity, but he must have seen something in Ushijima’s eyes, because in the end, he just gave out a calm, soft smile.

“What’s your name?” Ushijima asked softly, calmly.

“Roy,” he said gently.

“..._All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky and thought we both tried, I hoped we saw more than this chance for a life..._”

Ushijima felt chills ran down his spine.

_All this time I’ve been looking at things that shut down my blue sky._

And he just felt something in his soul, deep within, when he took the baseball hat off his own head, and put it on Roy’s and he only said, looking at this homeless man’s smile, “Happiness suits you.”

Uta told him this not a long ago but this is something he would never forget in all his life.

Roy just laughed lightly when one tear escaped from his eye and rolled down on his cheek.

He said, “Thank you for giving me a reason to wake up tomorrow again.”

And Ushijima just pulled him into a hug.

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

“I really have no idea why you two decided that this was a good idea,” Kawanishi said in a blasé voice, standing in between Ushijima and Yamagata, wearing a chef hat and decorating the little cookies with colorful little stars.

Airi was sitting at the other side of the counter, still recording, sometimes taking pictures with the smile of the devil.

“Shouldn’t Tendou be here?” Yamagata spoke covered in flour. “I’m pretty sure we told him to come help.”

Ushijima was wrestling the cake. “He’s busy at the moment–”

Ushijima’s phone began to ring.

Several things happened.

Ushijima dropped one of the cookies he had been trying to wrap, Yamagata fell down, and Kawanishi almost head butted the stars on one of the cookies.

Ushijima tried to reach his phone but slipped and landed on Yamagata who began to scream. Airi, on the other hand picked up Ushijima’s phone and put it on speaker.

“Hello?” Ushijima yelled.

“Wakatoshi, come here we gotta buy Park a cello,” Tendou said enthusiastically. “Grab your jacket and come here to Flory’s. May the force be with you,” and he ended the call.

There was silence but then Kawanishi said, “Did this idiot really say may the force be with you?”

“Ushijima, boy if you don’t get up I will DIE–”

“DON’T SCREAM YOU PEOPLE–”

“KIDS, BEHAVE!”

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was talking to the manager about the best cello they had, when Tendou’s phone began to ring.

Ushijima turned to him, but Tendou already picked up with:

“The fuck is this?”

Ushijima frowned.

_Who picks up their phone like that?_

“Ah, Kageyama,” Tendou’s voice completely changed as he gave a look to Ushijima. “What an interesting turn of events.” Tendou fell silent. “I mean, I was sure, but like, not entirely–” he went silent again. “Why the hell are you calling me? How did you even get my number?”

Ushijima’s eyes started to get wider and wider. _What is going on?_

“Why are you yelling?” Tendou asked calmly.

Ushijima turned even more confused but then the manager came back asking if they wanted to have a case with the cello, Ushijima nodded.

Tendou grinned. “Hmm, kinda have a not so related uncle there, why?”

Ushijima furrowed his brows and Tendou mouthed to him, “_Complicated_,” then he went silent again. “Shut up and tell me what you want. I’m busy,” he nodded. “Wakatoshi and I are buying a cello to Park.”

Ushijima was the most confused man alive so he decided to walk towards Tendou and just take the phone. “Kageyama? What’s the matter?”

“I want you guys to do me a favor,” Kageyama said in a relieved voice.

“Anything, sure,” Ushijima said. He heard a loud noise so he turned around and saw Tendou standing over a guitar which ended up on the ground. Ushijima fell silent and then said, “Tendou, did you just really drop it?”

Kageyama burst out laughing in the phone.

A lot of people gather around Tendou who stared saying, “This wasn’t even me, okay?” He said grabbing the guitar and putting it back to the place where it had been. “It wasn’t me.”

“Kageyama, sorry to say this but you have to be quick, we have a situation at hand,” Ushijima said while looking at the chaos that was happening in front of him.

“I want Tendou to call the police to this three different locations. He should call them a little bit earlier than the time I will give to you. Can you guys do that?”

Ushijima didn’t even hesitate. “Of course, tell me I write them down,” he turned to one of the people and asked for a paper and a pen. Surprisingly, he got these shamelessly quick.

Kageyama gave him three locations.

“We’re on it,” Ushijima said and just as he was about to hang up, Tendou ran towards him and shouted into the phone.

“KAGEYAMA!” He shouted and he was just as loud as he would be on speaker. “I JUST REMEMBERED – I LOOKED AT THIS CELLO AND SUDDENLY REALIZED WHAT HAS BEEN MISSING IN PARK’S BAR!”

And Kageyama from the phone, shouted with Tendou, simultaneously:

“MUSIC!”

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was standing before Park’s bar and gathered up his courage. Tendou told him he had to do something so he couldn’t be here when he gave Park the cello, so Ushijima was standing outside alone.

He had no idea why he was so nervous. This was just Park, his neighbor. They saw each other every morning.

_Maybe that’s why._

Because Park was someone Ushijima really did not care much for at all. He asked every day how he was doing, but Ushijima always brushed off the question.

_I never really gave anything back to you. Nothing at all._

Now was the time to start it.

So Ushijima took a deep breath and walked into the bar, to Park. When the older man noticed him, he gave him a big smile.

“Ushijima,” he grinned. “What a nice surprise–” and then he saw what Ushijima was holding in his hands.

The cello.

And Ushijima just smiled and said. “It’s from me and Tendou,” he said. “You were always very kind to me and to a lot of people as well, and.... I know I haven’t been the best neighbor and all–”

Park walked towards him and slowly took the big, mighty instrument. He looked at it, and then just looked back at Ushijima.

And without a single word, hugged him, and Ushijima hugged him back. That was the moment when Kageyama stepped in Park’s bar with two people Ushijima did not know or–

_Oh._

The guitarist.

_“...Someone gave me their whole wallet.”_

_Ushijima’s heart stopped._

_“What?”_

_The boy nodded and looked down again. He was caressing the strings, creating music._

_Creating something out of thin air._

_“I asked why,” he continued. “He said because I had made his day...his whole year, even...”_

Ushijima couldn’t move.

_“...What if the one you want to make happy is dying?”_

_The boy’s expression turned painful –he didn’t even think about it, he pulled Ushijima into a big hug._

_“Then give them something little on every single day...”_

Park turned around and walked to Kageyama, pulling him into a hug. They laughed and everyone was filled with joy. Kageyama turned to Ushijima, and said, “Let me introduce the talented Seung,” he pointed at the guitarist, “and the soulful Gerard,” he pointed at the dark skinned old man.

Ushijima bowed in front of the older man, showing respect and he gained a heartfelt smile. Then he turned to Seung, the boy who made him feel better about Tendou.

The boy who had no idea.

“Hi, Ushijima,” Seung stretched out his hand. “I heard a lot about you.”

And Ushijima, without even thinking about it, shook Seung’s hand and said, “Not as much as I heard about you.”

**–––––––––––––––––––**

When he tried to knock a rather weird looking person opened the door. “Password,” he said.

Tendou and Ushijima looked at each other and almost burst out laughing, remembering how Katashi was chasing them with a baseball hat.

“Wakatoshi? Tendou?” Reon appeared at the door and then looked at Katashi. “They’re friends of mine, let them in, dude.”

Katashi shrugged and then walked away. “Don’t break the urn.”

“YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT!” Someone yelled from the corner of the room.

“SHUT UP LEWIS!” Katashi shouted back.

“THAT IS NOT EVEN MY NAME!”

“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”

“I–”

“Ushijima, Tendou please come in so that we can get away before these two start another massacre again–”

Ushijima then said. “Steal the car keys, Reon.”

Reon just blinked, looking at Tendou and then Ushijima. “What?”

Tendou simply said. “You gotta do it man, we have to stop a suicide.”

Reon shook his head as if he heard it wrong. “I–”

Ushijima gently pushed Reon. “Do it, buddy,” he encouraged him. “Do it for the team!”

“Yes!” Tendou cheered as well.

Reon seemed like as if he wanted to argue but then gave up and then walked back to the party. After a couple of minutes, Reon returned with car keys, and surprisingly, Dennis with his heel.

Now Tendou was the one who turned surprised. “What?”

Reon panicked. “She saw me do it and got too curious, okay?” He said giving the car key to Ushijima. “It will be good, cause she and Ushijima are friends, right?”

Dennis grinned as she walked to Ushijima and gave him a big hug. “Damn right we are.”

Tendou looked betrayed. “What?” He echoed.

“We gotta go,” Reon said, looking back. “Katashi has a bat and a flamethrower and this car is his life–”

Ushijima frowned. “We? _We_ gotta go?”

Tendou was caught up with something else entirely. “How do you know he has a flamethrower and a baseball ba–”

Dennis was also caught up with something else, looking at Tendou. “How do _you_ know he has a flamethrower and a baseball–”

“THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS?” Katashi began to yell.

All four of them began to run towards the car to get in. Ushijima was at the driving seat, Tendou was at the passenger’s seat, Dennis and Reon was sitting at the back. Ushijima started the car and drove off with an insane sound, to make sure they arrived in time to save Akira.

“Tendou!” Ushijima yelled while driving.

Tendou was browsing YouTube and setting something on the car. “I’m on it, don’t worry!”

“What are we doing?” Dennis asked while adjusting her baseball cap.

“Stopping a suicide, apparently,” Reon answered calmly, as if he was talking about the weather.

Ushijima hit the breaks and then stopped in front of the house, already seeing Akira standing on the balcony. He got out of the car and yelled, “Akira, don’t do it!”

Dennis and Reon got out of the car as well, shouting. “Stop!” they yelled. “It’s so good to live!”

Akira looked confused. “Who are you people and how do you know my name–”

Then a song

spread

through

the street.

It was a light guitar, a nice tone and melody. Something nostalgic, something soulful and deep.

Dennis and Reon exchanged a look and then looked at Ushijima. They seemed to know what do. In fact, both of them seemed to recognize the song.

The wind caressed her black hair, guiding its way into her eyes – but she did not move nor blink, she was just staring at the car and them, grabbing the edge. Tendou turned up the volume in the car – it seemed he had connected the phone to the car.

And then the singing began to revive the quiet area.

“_Twenty–five years and my life is still. I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for a destination,_” Dennis started singing, hugging Reon. “_I realized quickly when I knew I should, that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man... for whatever that means._”

He looked back to Akiraand saw how she started crying, listening to the music. Her skirt looked like a dancing person itself, and as how the lights fell on her, she looked like as if she was on a concert or a ball.

“_And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed, just to get it all out what’s in my head and I_– _I’m feeling, a little peculiar,_” Reon continued singing with Dennis, moving to the music.

“_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside_,” Tendou sang with a better accent. As if he had been listening to the song nowadays. “_And I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs, What’s going on?_” Tendou pointed at the girl. “It’s your turn sis! Come on!” He shouted with a grin while the music was building up with drums, electronic guitars and– “You know you want to, _so let them hear you!_”

Dennis and Reon shouted as well, “Let we hear you!”

“_And I say; Hey– ey– ey,_” she sang with her whole soul. “_Hey– ey– ey. I said hey...”_

Tendou, Dennis and Reon began to scream as well, still grinning, “_What’s going on?_”

“_And I say; Hey– ey– ey,_” all four of them sang. “_Hey– ey– ey. I said hey. What’s going on?_”

“_And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,_” Akira looked down at Tendou and they were smiling at each other. “_And I take a deep breath and I get real high. And I scream from the top of my lungs, What’s going on?_”

_“Wake up in the morning and I step outside_,” Ushijima began to sing as Dennis came to him and hugged him as well, still looking up at Akira. “_And take a deep breath and I get real high and I say, What’s going on?_”

And then noticed how all of them were crying, but smiling all the same.

And the whole street echoed because of their voices.

And Ushijima only thought about one thing.

How sometimes life can hurt too much, but it’s beautiful because–

_People never give up._

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima and Tendou sat at the terrace of his house. They were looking at the stars, it was late at night.

“This Kageyama kid is really something else, huh?” Tendou suddenly spoke.

Ushijima just nodded. “There’s something about him.”

Tendou nodded as well. “He told me something.”

“Yeah?” Ushijima asked, turning to look at Tendou. “What did he say?”

Tendou stayed silent and then smiled a little, looking into the distance. “One day, I tell you. I promise.”

Ushijima smiled a little and then said. “Sure, whatever makes you happy.”

“What a day, huh?” Tendou changed the subject lightly, after a couple of minutes.

Ushijima hummed and then both of them noticed the sound of a magnificent cello. They exchanged a look and started grinning. “Look at that,” Tendou said, still smiling. “Looks like someone is finally having fun.”

Ushijima laughed a little. “Yeah,” he had a weird thought. “I kinda feel disappointed because we did not repeat the fight in the canteen, though.”

Tendou snorted. “I bet you are,” he said. “But hey, we might cause a riot somewhere around Wednesday, what do you say?”

Ushijima grinned. “I’m in,” he said, looking up at the stars, giving out a sigh. “It’s weird talking about Wednesday, Thursday, Friday... right?”

Tendou hummed. “Yeah,” he paused a little. “But in a way, I feel better when it comes to future days.”

“Is that right?” Ushijima smiled. “Tendou, next time you say you love life.”

He expected Tendou to laugh or punch him in the face. But instead of doing that, Tendou just looked at him and said, “But I do, Wakatoshi. Now I really do.”

Ushijima only stared, hearing Park’s unearthly cello, sitting with Tendou under the night sky. He just stared.

Because when he met Tendou all these years ago, he wasn’t even looking.

And maybe, just maybe,

Everything happens for a reason.

“Wakatoshi,” he heard Tendou’s voice and snapped out of his thoughts. Tendou was holding box wrapped in a gold wrapping in his hand.

Ushijima took it. “_Tendou_,” he whispered, shaking a bit, having an idea what was in the box.

Tendou only smiled at him, with his eyes closed. “Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima slowly opened it and it was the red baseball hat.

He reached out with his hand and lifted up from the box. He felt the material beneath his fingertips, the color was calming to look at but still noticeable.

He looked back to his best friend.

This time Tendou wasn’t crying.

This time Tendou looked so peaceful and happy that Ushijima was the one who began to cry while smiling with all his heart.

**–––––––––––––––––**

_Metanoia:_

(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life

“Making a decision about something new which will change your life”

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

After the time loop ended, Ushijima met Kageyama several times. The boy as time passed looked more and more troubled, and Ushijima noticed how he wasn’t really okay. He always asked but Kageyama never really gave him an honest answer, so Ushijima just let him be.

Kageyama also told several things about time loops to Ushijima. He had no idea how Kageyama could know about this topic so much, but he didn’t ask either. The kid seemed that he had enough problems already.

A year passed and Ushijima lived his life the way he did. Full of turns, doing something crazy every single day.

But then one day,

something happened.

**Tomorrow and 11:00**

Every Friday, Ushijima would meet Akira to catch up what happened throughout the week so far. 

Akira looked healthier in so many ways. She even had more tattoos, each one resembling something significant in her life. For example, she had a little car on her wrist which resembled the night when Ushijima and the others saved her life.

Apparently, she was seeing someone but for some reason, she didn’t want to tell Ushijima yet. He was fine with that, to be honest. Although, he was indeed curious.

Akira was also friends with Dennis. She helped her search for girls but it wasn't a success as Ushijima heard. Reon and Akira also went out bowling once a week. It seemed that significant night made them become close. Although, Tendou at first had a lot of problems with Akira – and Ushijima wanted to know why.

Tendou told him not a long ago that he despised people who thought about giving up their life, so he wanted time to give a chance to Akira. Ushijima understood and because he didn’t want to push Tendou, he let him be. Nowadays, Tendou seemed to act warmer towards Akira, so that was something everyone was happy about.

Ushijima talked to his father every single day. In the next month, he was planning to visit him. He cooked regularly with his mom and went church with his grandmother.

Mitsuko seemed sad nowadays and Ushijima had no idea why. For some reason, she didn’t know either. Whenever Ushijima asked, she never knew how to answer. On the other hand, she was really joyful, more upbeat than she ever was. Ushijima was worried but he also knew his grandma never lied to him. So when she knew what was the problem, she would definitely tell her grandson.

Tendou, just last week, began to walk slower than before.

Ushijima was really worried but Tendou hushed him, saying this was normal. Ushijima knew Tendou would not hide anything from him anymore – but even if this was the truth, it still made Ushijima worried. He made sure to do a lot of crazy thing on those next few days, and it sure made the both of them feel better.

The team was as lively as ever. Semi and Shirabu’s relationship was something only a few of them knew, but when it was revealed, it was funny to watch all of the others just lose their shit, as Kawanishi would say.

Yamagata still blew up the chemistry class, Goshiki had a lot of puppies, Kawanishi was still a little shit, and they became a big family. They were closer than they ever been before.

And when Ushijima punched Rikko in the jaw, he gained a big reputation. Not to mention how Dennis joined into the fight as well.

Katashi wasn’t angry because of the stolen car, but he did say they owned another party to him. Ushijima still had no idea how to pick the perfect day for that party.

He heard that the homeless singer Roy, was discovered by a popular studio and it made Ushijima smile. Erin and Haru sent letters to him, Tendou and Shirabu, saying that they should visit them. Ushijima always smiled when he remembered back on that certain day with the wedding and the wild chase.

Ushijima had been walking to the park where he first called his father, when his phone began to ring.

He looked down at the ID and then picked up.

He sighed.

Tendou recently made a bet with Yamagata which included stealing Shirabu’s stolen cat – which was yet again stolen by Kawanishi – Ushijima had nothing to with it.

“Tendou, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me when you think Shirabu tries to end you?” Ushijima simply asked and walked to his usual spot, without even looking to that way. He had gone here a lot of times by now, after all.

“Well I’m not really afraid of Shirabu per see, more of Semi snapping my neck, thank you very much!” Ushijima sat down on the bench.

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking ahead. “That’s why I said–” he turned to his right and

saw

him.

Ushijima was looking at Iwaizumi Hajime. The Iwaizumi Hajime – the Vice Captain of Seijoh.

They both froze.

Tendou was still talking into the phone but Ushijima didn't pay attention, he hung up. He was only staring at Iwaizumi.

And he had no idea why.

Maybe because Ushijima had never seen Iwaizumi being here before. Maybe because this was the bench when Ushijima first called his father, maybe because this was the park where he ended up when he first decided to change his route.

Ushijima had no idea because Iwaizumi seemed lonely.

He was the only one sitting on this bench, the only one being in this park before Ushijima showed up. As if he was lost, even though he was born in this city.

Iwaizumi looked so out of place yet so singular at the same time that Ushijima could only stare.

But for some reason, Iwaizumi couldn’t look away from Ushijima either. The boy’s hands began to shake.

And then Ushijima realized.

_He looked like me._

When Ushijima was reading a book close to the window, watching the rain. A long time ago.

And a weird, yet powerful thought embraced Ushijima.

_I want to see you smile._

And then he heard Iwaizumi’s voice, distant, unsure:

“If your friend wanted to die, what would you do?”

And Ushijima felt shivers ran down his spine. Because of all the people, Iwaizumi asked him. Because of all days, Ushijima sat down here.

And despite all of this, Ushijima did not wince. He just felt a gentle flutter close to his heart.

The sun was glowing, the light breeze danced through them. Behind them, there was a building with a painting on it.Blue and yellow and black and a little green – it resembled a town and a starry sky. The sun was shining through the leaves of the trees – so green, vivid, and lively.

And Ushijima thought about Tendou as he said, “Give them something to look forward to in life.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened with emotion – something unique that Ushijima had not seen on anyone else before – and then he stood up and walked away the park.

Ushijima watched him go, even after Iwaizumi couldn’t have been seen. He then looked back to the bench next to him, his heart beating faster than it ever did.

Ushijima blinked and leaned back to look up to the sky, closing his eyes because of the sun. Something built up inside his soul so he brought his hands close to his lungs, his ribcage.

_What the hell am I feeling?_

What was going on?

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“Tendou something really weird happened to me earlier today,” Ushijima began as soon as he saw Tendou being in the cell.

Fred in the corner of them room just sipped his coffee, watching the drama which was taking place right now.

“Oh, really?” Tendou looked intrigued, clutching the bars. “Something weirder than me being under arrest by something I did not do?” He turned to look at Fred who was not amused in the slightest.

He took a sip out of his coffee again and stated, “I feel it in my bones. It was you.”

Tendou narrowed his eyes. “You never gonna let this go, don’t you?”

Fred slowly shook his head, grinning like a man who just won lottery.

“Tendou!” Ushijima began again, clearly frustrated. “Concentrate!”

Tendou looked back. “What?!” his eyes widened.

“I felt something weird today,” he said, not even caring about Fred being in the room. “I can’t even explain but it was really weird, it felt like if I met a–”

Tendou’s eyes widened. “A user?”

Ushijima gave out a frustrated sigh and then ran a hand through his hair. “I mean,” he began but then paused again. “I don’t know he–” he trailed off again.

“Whoa,” Tendou spoke, amazed by something. “I’ve never seen you being so,” he gestured at Ushijima. “Like this.”

Ushijima couldn’t even answer he just sat down next to Fred and stole a donut from him. He started eating a blue one, looking at the ground. “I have no idea what happened.”

Fred was looking at Tendou, then he looked back to Ushijima and then sighed. “I’m going to bring some tea, fellas. Stay,” he stood up and then walked away, shaking his head.

Ushijima turned surprise as he turned back to Tendou.

Tendou just grinned, behind the bars. “I told ya deep down he loves me.”

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima had been walking to the park where he first called his father, when his phone began to ring.

He looked down at the ID and then picked up.

He sighed but also for some reason, he suddenly got a weird feeling.

As if he was being watched.

He brushed it off.

“Tendou, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me when you think Shirabu tries to end you?” Ushijima simply asked and walked to his usual spot, without even looking to that way.

“Well I’m not really afraid of Shirabu per see, more of Semi snapping my neck, thank you very much!” Ushijima sat down on the bench.

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking ahead. “That’s why I said–”

Someone was heading towards him.

The boy was someone from Seijoh – Ushijima remembered him from one of the matches. He had light brown hair, intense eyes. He seemed really surprised for some reason.

Tendou was still talking into the phone but Ushijima didn't pay attention, he hung up.

Ushijima raised an eyebrow and then the boy spoke,

“Did Iwaizumi make you go here?” He asked. “Sit here?”

Ushijima’s eyes widened, his gut doing a flip. “No,” he then started looking around searching for something–

_Searching for what?_

He started panicking, his eyes widening more and more because–

_What am I searching for?_

“Shit, _no way_,” a boy with black hair appeared too, and then dropped his schoolbag and touched his face, shutting down his eyes. The boy with light brown hair nodded quietly, biting his bottom lips and then sat down on the bench next to Ushijima.

Ushijima’s eyes were jumping from person to person and then he noticed Iwaizumi Hajime, standing in front of him.

_What was going on?_

“He wants to kill himself, isn’t he?” The light brown haired boy spoke up quietly.

Ushijima turned to look at him.

His heart in his ribcage was beating too fast, he touched his face and closed his eyes, trying to–

_Trying to what?_

“How?” Ushijima heard Iwaizumi speak.

“I sometimes feel like you’ve already told me this,” the same boy said again and Ushijima _froze_. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve been walking the same streets for days.” The boy started to cry. “I sometimes have these moments when I feel I should do something and notice really important things but I cannot seem to find them.”

Ushijima then remembered something that Kageyama told him.

_If you feel something deeply about another person, they might be in a–_

Ushijima opened his eyes and almost fainted as he felt that _something_ again – as he reached out to touch Iwaizumi’s hand–

His eyes widened as he whispered, “If your friend wanted to die, what would you do?” Iwaizumi couldn’t look away from Ushijima. His hands began to shake, he could feel it.

Ushijima tried to give him strength. “I can’t believe you’re in a time loop.”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth, but before he could’ve said anything, Ushijima beat him to it.

“We should go eat something,” he said, looking at the others as well. “This needs to be addressed in somewhere more private.”

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

They were sitting in_Mirai_.

Ushijima hoped he would see Semi, someone familiar who would make him feel more comfortable but he wasn’t in service today as it seemed.The bar wasn’t filled with people but there were a few here – eighteen year olds or more. But those who weren’t eating, were playing darts at the other end of the bar. Iwaizumi, Ushijima, Makki were sitting at the other end, wanting to be in a bit quieter spot.

Ushijima arrived back after he had ordered their food. He sat in front of Iwaizumi and Makki, trying to calm his nerves but he knew he must be looking really serious on the outside.

_A habit, I guess._

“Are you in a time loop?” Makki spoke, startling Iwaizumi, making him bring a hand over his heart.

_Right in the middle, okay. _“I was. I’m not anymore,” he answered, looking at them.

_God, this felt weird._

Iwaizumi’s eyes went round. He leaned closer and asked, “How long were you in it?”

Ushijima had no idea. “Thirteen days or less, I think.”

“You seem really calm about it,” Makki spoke again. Iwaizumi looked at the boy. “Was it a long time ago?”

Ushijima gave out a little smile. “A year or so,” he admitted and then touched his temple. “I’m never sure. Mine felt like it was a year,” he shut his eyes for a minute, concentrating. “It’s all mixed up in my head, so I’m actually not sure how long I was in it or when it all began.”

“Why did you stuck in it?” Iwaizumi asked, begging for an answer. “How did you get out of it? How did you stuck in it? Did you need to save someone too–”

_Jesus, what has he been through?_

Ushijima’s eyes widened more and more with every question Iwaizumi asked. “I just woke up one day and I was in it,” he answered calmly because if all of them were starting to freak out they would never get anywhere. “To this day, I’m still not sure how I got out and no,” he shook his head, “I didn't have to save anybody.”

_Well he didn’t have to, that was the truth._

He _chose_ to save Akira.

Iwaizumi leaned back, he seemed to be in shock. Why wouldn’t he? This was not something that can people just brush off.

Ushijima was caught himself staring into Iwaizumi’s eyes.

There was something painful there. It made Ushijima’s heart clench a bit. He wanted to make Iwaizumi feel better about this, only a bit.

So he said, “But I learned things I would have never learned by myself.”

“Was there something you didn’t notice about others?” Iwaizumi asked. “Was there something that made you notice you’ve been acting selfish the whole time?”

_Not selfish, more like I did not do anything._

Iwaizumi was the one who was staring into Ushijima’s eyes now.

And Ushijima just felt it again and he couldn’t look away.

“Actually, I noticed things about myself,” Ushijima smiled, remembering the day when Reon and him was drinking a beer at a party, when he and Tendou baked cookies, when Ushijima raised his head to let the sky fly down to him. He smiled with all his being. “You could say I found myself.”

And Iwaizumi just stared at him and Ushijima had no idea why he deserved that look.

He wasn’t someone who was more than others. He wasn't someone who was a hero.

He was only someone who decided to enjoy every moment of his life.

That was the moment when Matsukawa came back from outside, holding his cell phone ins his hand. He sat down next to Ushijima, in front of Makki and Iwaizumi.

“Oikawa called me,” he said with a pale face. He looked awful. “He was curious why didn’t we go to school. So, I told him an excuse.”

“What kinds of excuse?” Makki asked.

“That you broke your fucking arm while you were trying to impress a girl in the middle of the god given sidewalk – and even though I tried to pull you away, you didn’t listen so Iwaizumi had to call the ambulance – and now we are in a hospital.”

There was loud silence. Makki narrowed his eyes at Matsukawa and then said, clearly impressed,

“Fair enough,” he then stopped and began to think. “That’s awfully detailed, though. You’re scaring me.”

“Be grateful. I could have told him that you were hit by a shitty car.”

“Why are you swearing so much?”

“Because my patience can only take much and my blood pressure it’s up – it’s really high.”

“How high up it is?”

“You’ll see when Oikawa decides that he wants to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because then I really need to make sure your arm is broken.”

Makki frowned, looking away in the distance, saying,

“I don’t get it.”

Ushijima was immediately reminded of Yamagata and Tendou. He turned amused while he gave out a smile.

That was the moment when their food arrived. Hot, golden broth, giving out steam – noodles, and pork filling the whole room with an amazing smell. The sound of their slurping and little chewing felt weirdly comforting and natural. Makki told Matsukawa what they had been talking about while he was standing outside, talking to Oikawa over the phone, while Iwaizumi seemed to think about something very deeply.

Looking at them, Ushijima had a weird thought.

_Everything happens for a reason._

This made him smile – and the moment he did, he saw Iwaizumi smile at the same time.

“You met with Iwaizumi yesterday too, right?” Matsukawa asked and Ushijima nodded. The black haired boy looked a bit more confident so he continued, “then why didn’t you tell him right away that you had been in a time loop?”

Ushijima had been waiting for that question. He put the chopsticks down, next to his bowl and then put his hands together, fingertips touching.

“It’s not that simple,” he said, looking at everyone. “Iwaizumi is in a time loop _now_ and I am not in one. This means, _his_ time and _my_ time don’t match, therefore, I can’t remember our first meeting. Or better say,” he leaned closer, “I couldn’t remember until I touched his hand.”

Everyone stopped eating. Makki even stopped in a middle of slurping the noodles.

Matsukawa’s eyes widened. “You need to touch him in order to remember?”

Ushijima nodded trying to remember what Kageyama had told him a long time ago. “You need to. But only if you aren’t in a time loop at the same time he is,” he stopped for a moment, thinking. “If you and him are in a time loop at the same time, you’ll immediately remember and won’t need to touch. Because both of those people are in the same timeline. And of course, this only works with people who were or are in a time loop.”

Matsukawa gulped, Makki was stunned and Iwaizumi looked speechless.

“But,” Ushijima began. “People like Iwaizumi and me... how should I say this?” He shrugged. “We can feel the other, basically.”

“WHAT?” Iwaizumi, Makki and Matsukawa responded at the same time.

_Well I did not expect this._

It’s almost as if he saw Dennis, Reon and Tendou in one room.

Ushijima jut sat there, shocked, blinking at least three times before he could pull himself back together.

_If you feel something deeply about another person, they might be in a–_

“Well,” Ushijima started, “after some time, I can feel if the person I’m talking to is in a time loop or not.”

Iwaizumi started coughing, choking on his pork – Makki gave him a glass of water with wide eyes.

“How?” Matsukawa asked, looking intrigued. “How can you tell? Do you feel that after or before the touch?”

“Touch is needed if you want to remember. The feeling though,” Ushijima looked at Iwaizumi and remembered what he had felt after Iwaizumi walked away from the bench. “The feeling can come anytime and usually, people want to touch after that, just in case, to really make sure if their guess was true,” he said. “The feeling came to me the minute you three talked in the park. And then I just had to check, it all came back to me with the touch.”

Iwaizumi was looking at him. He had been looking at him for a very long time.

“What do you feel when you meet someone like that?” Makki spoke again. “How does it feel like? How can you know?”

Ushijima smiled – gentle, happy. He couldn’t say this with one word or a couple of words. Being able to talk to Iwaizumi was similar to Kageyama, but it was something more.

Ushijima knew he would meet Kageyama at one point because he was everywhere.

Iwaizumi felt like an incident. Something which was coincidental.

“It’s not similar to any other feeling,” Ushijima answered quietly, letting his soul speak. “It feels like you saw a person you want to have in your life.”

“But then why do I feel like I can remember some bits from here and there?” Makki asked, unsure. Ushijima turned away from Iwaizumi and sent the boy a calm smile.

“That’s normal. Some people are really sensitive about time.” Ushijima said, thinking about Tendou. “Somebody remembered some things about mine as well.”

Makki’s eyes widened. “Can I talk to them?”

Ushijima laughed.

_Tendou will flip his shit._

“Maybe some other time, it’s getting late,” he picked up his chopsticks again and continued eating. “But don’t stress about it too much. You will never be able to remember everything and some things might get lost along the way. And that’s how it should be.”

Tendou told him that he forgot minimalistic things but otherwise he remembered everything. Ushijima had no idea how it was for Makki, though.

Matsukawa hummed. “I agree. The fact that time loops are existing things are beyond me and broke at least hundreds of rules in the name of science.”

Ushijima was shaking his head. “You tell me,” he muttered. “I still don’t know how it’s possible. But,” he stopped.

_Should he tell?_

“But?” Iwaizumi asked back, waiting for him to continue. Ushijima’s gaze slid down to his.

“There is someone who knows, he just doesn’t want to tell me,” he ended up saying. Kageyama was something different than all of them, Ushijima did not want to tell this yet.

Matsukawa’s noodles fell down again. Makki gasped and then began to choke and then cough, eyes watering – Matsukawa gave him a glass of water.

“DO YOU KNOW ANOTHER PERSON WHO WAS IN A TIME LOOP?” Iwaizumi suddenly started to shout and then a lot of people hushed him in the building. He apologized.

Ushijima was only eating his ramen in peace. “Of course I know,” he said. “His time loop and mine were at the same time. It finished at the same time too.”

_There, that should be enough._

Makki finally stopped coughing, Matsukawa was still in shock.

“Who is it?” He asked and Iwaizumi eagerly leaned closer.

But Ushijima only smiled. “It’s better if I don’t tell you. You need to process a lot of information today. You don’t need another shock.”

Matsukawa was outraged. “We’re going to forget it tomorrow anyway.”

Ushijima chuckled. “Then it’s not a problem if I won’t tell you.”

Makki snorted.

And Ushijima weirdly felt as if these people were already his friends.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Matsukawa and Makki were drinking cola, while Iwaizumi and Ushijima were eating cakes.

“Why would he want to do that?” Makki asked. “Why would he try to kill himself?”

Ushijima was lost in his thought. People would think he was thinking about Akira because of this topic, but really all he could think of was Tendou.

“Fuck,” Matsukawa said, shaking his head. “I don’t understand. I don’t know what could have made him decide this.”

Ushijima felt his heart hurt – he touched his hand gently, trying to give himself comfort. Whenever he remembered Tendou’s illness, he felt a bitter taste in his mouth. Even though, he tries to stay positive and joke about it with Tendou himself, just to make the situation better–

_I sometimes cry a lot, without telling anybody._

“And what do you think, Ushijima?”

Ushijima snapped out of his thoughts and then looked at Iwaizumi. “The last thing I want to do is lie, so I’m going to say the truth, Iwaizumi,” he stopped for a minute. “You can’t cheat death. Whatever solution you can come up with – a solution that will save Oikawa and get you out of the time loop as well,” he continued calmly. “Will be useless if it doesn’t weigh as much as a suicide or similar to that.”

_At least that’s what Kageyama had told him._

Iwaizumi turned pale. “What do you mean? Do I need to kill or what, don’t joke about this.”

Ushijima looked thoughtful. “No killing, not any of that. I’m just saying that whatever idea you’re going to come up with has to be as drastic as a suicide mission.”

It was silent after that.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“Iwaizumi.”

He looked back, hearing Ushijima’s voice.

Ushijima asked turning into the other direction, pointing at the road ahead. “Want to walk a bit?”

They arrived to an another road, with only people walking on it. Ushijima, without a word, walked close to the side, leaning close, touching the handrail. Iwaizumi followed him, grabbing the handrail as well.

When he looked down he saw cars. Driving on the road. Their lights felt gold in the night. And the city that surrounded them glowed with blue and yellow and green and purple.

“This is where I met him for the first time,” Ushijima told Iwaizumi. “The other person who was in the time loop,” he continued. A light breeze touched his hair. “I couldn’t believe it was him. He couldn’t believe it either.” He paused a little. “It’s going to be hard and you’ll never be the same.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi whispered.

Ushijima looked at him from the corner of his eye. “There’ll be times when you want to stop because you’ve grown tired of it.”

Iwaizumi shut down his eyes, “Maybe,” he whispered.

_Are you ready to change, Iwaizumi Hajime?_

It was silence. Cars and people were rushing, wind was blowing and starts shone just as bright as the city lights.

And Ushijima still felt something powerful in this moment, something more.

_Are you ready to let the rain crash down on you?_

Because he could see Iwaizumi was scared. And Ushijima wanted to see him succeed, he wanted to see Iwaizumi save his best friend.

Ushijima felt his world shake a little as he gripped the handrail stronger.

_He knew why he wanted this so badly._

Because Ushijima could never save his own best friend.

He teared up a bit as he turned to Iwaizumi and say, “But even if you feel this is the end, don’t stop, Iwaizumi.”

He turned to look at Ushijima and they just stared at each other.

“He wanted to stop too,” Ushijima said talking about Tendou.

He was on the edge of his feelings, convincing Iwaizumi to never give up because he had a choice that Ushijima never did.

“The trouble is that he thought he has time,” Ushijima continued, almost breaking down. “It’s not true. He needed to take the matter into his own hands and that’s what you also need to do. He didn’t know how to do that, he felt overwhelmed because he noticed how broken he was. But I said don’t stop.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t look away from Ushijima whose heart was beating too loud, it felt like–

“I said it’s time to remember what it feels like to be alive. So don’t stop,” Ushijima repeated the words he had said to Tendou.

And Iwaizumi looked at him as if he was a savior. It made Ushijima forget to breathe because–

_I can’t be a savior, Iwaizumi._

Ushijima smiled a little.

_But you can._

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was walking close to the bench and then sat down, talking over his phone. Iwaizumi was running when Ushijima noticed him, his eyes widened and stopped talking into the phone. He abruptly stood up from the bench.

And Iwaizumi stopped in front of him and reached out to touch his hand. Ushijima froze and

then

clenched

it.

He brought his other hand to lay on Iwaizumi’s too. “What happened?” he asked in comforting tone. He brought Iwaizumi’s hands close to his heart because–

_Iwaizumi looked torn apart._

Iwaizumi said quietly, “I don’t know what to do–” and then the words stuck in his throat. “I... I know why he wants to do it,” Iwaizumi tried to come back from the shock. “I know and, Ushijima, he’s not okay and I can’t talk him out of it – I thought I could talk him out of it – but he wouldn’t even stay for me nor anybody else. Oh, fuck,” Ushijima was still holding Iwaizumi’s shaking hands. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to save him, fuck, what am I going to do, I can’t let him die, what should I do, I don’t know, I don’t know what to do–”

“Stay calm,” Ushijima whispered.

Iwaizumi stopped and looked up at Ushijima. He saw Ushijima taking a deep breath and then letting it out – he gave Iwaizumi a pointed look. Iwaizumi began to breathe with him. In and out. Long, deep ones.

“You’re not alone,” Ushijima said calmly, patiently. “I will help, don’t worry.”

And then Iwaizumi fainted.

**––––––––––––––––**

“I received your phone call so I’m here what happened– WHOA?!” Tendou freaked out pointing at Iwaizumi, whom Ushijima was carrying on his back to his room. “Is that fucking Iwaizumi Hajime?”

“Shut up,” Ushijima simply said and put Iwaizumi into his bed. He pulled the covers on him and then sighed.

“What the hell have you gotten yourself into this time?” Tendou asked quietly but Ushijima could hear he was grinning.

“I’m going out to the grocery shop, I would ask you to come with me but,” Ushijima grinned back at Tendou. “Fred put a restraining order between you and all the supermarkets in this area.”

“Haha,” Tendou wasn’t amused. “Very funny. Almost as funny as Yamagata in a good day.”

Ushijima laughed and then got up, walking away. “Watch him, okay?” He said, putting on his coat.

“Sure thing, boss.”

Ushijima sent Tendou a cheeky smile. “How’s Shirabu’s cat, Tendou?”

“Oh, SHUT UP!”

Ushijima just laughed as he walked out of his house.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Iwaizumi and Tendou were sitting in the kitchen watching Ushijima making dinner. The smell of the spicy curry filled the whole house. The warmth and the comfort could be sensed in every way as it was possible.

“What’s your next move, Iwaizumi?” Ushijima spoke and Tendou snorted.

“You just don’t go around and ask people what their next move is, Wakatoshi. Didn’t I teach you manners?”

Ushijima sent a glare towards his best friend. “You? The person who calls me at least ten times a day?”

_It hurt._

Joking about it.

But it helped Tendou, and that was the only thing that mattered.

Tendou didn’t even look sheepish. In fact, he looked frighteningly smug.

“What can I say?” He shrugged and smirked. “I have the popular miracle boy’s phone number. Might as well take advantage of it.”

Ushijima wasn’t amused. “One day, you’re going to be very surprised.”

“Ah? Why?”

Ushijima braced himself, already hating what he was about to say.

“Because I’ll be damned to pick up.”

_I will pick up every single time, until I can’t._

Tendou narrowed his eyes. “How rude.”

_I know._

Iwaizumi chuckled and that made Ushijima smiled a little, trying to feel better. “Next move, huh? I’ll call my brother and Makki. And then I visit Oikawa.”

Ushijima was waiting for him to continue. “And then?” He asked.

Iwaizumi shut down his eyes. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “We just have to wait and see.”

It was silence. Deep, long silence.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“Do you remember when we saw someone standing on the edge of a building, wanting to jump off?” Tendou spoke up suddenly.

_As if I could ever forget it._

Ushijima hummed. “It was during my time loop,” he said gently. “When we figured it out that she wanted to jump – after that day – we always made sure to save her in every one of my yesterdays.”

Tendou hummed too. “Do you still get coffee with her?”

Tendou rarely talked to Akira. He seemed to be kinder to her, but he still kept his distance.

“I do. Every Friday,” Ushijima’s voice was gentle, like feathers. “I was with her today too. Akira is a great friend.”

Tendou was probably thinking about how both Akira and Oikawa wanted to commit suicide. This was something he did not understand. Maybe now he wanted to, maybe he didn’t.

But Tendou was asking questions so that was something of a start.

Ushijima knew that he must despise Oikawa at the moment. He must despise the whole world.

“You know,” Tendou began, “Iwazumi made me remember why I hate time loops so much,” he stopped for a minute. “But...”

_But?_

“But?” Ushijima asked out loud.

“But if you hadn’t been in a time loop, we would have never been able to save her,” Tendou muttered. “She would have just died.”

Ushijima hummed again. Deep yet nostalgic.

“There’s something unique about time loop, isn’t it?” He asked Tendou. “Something special, something different.”

It was serious when Tendou talked like this. Ushijima sent him a worried glance but Tendou just shook his head, clearly not wanting to talk about.

Ushijima hugged him a little and Tendou let it happen but then Tendou said quietly, “It’s like a second chance from life.”

Ushijima teared up and he closed his eyes, but Tendou noticed it anyway. He brushed Ushijima’s tears away.

“I think it’s because people think they have time when they don’t,” Ushijima said, trying to control his voice, trying to talk about Tendou’s illness without saying out loud. “I told him the same thing.”

“Do you think he knows why time loops happen?” Tendou asked, clearly changing the subject.

“I know he knows,” Ushijima answered, trying to pull himself together. “He is the only one who knows.”

“But how do you know that?” Tendou asked again.

Ushijima seemed to hesitate, thinking. “He feels different from anyone else – I swear Tendou, his soul is something else. He didn't need anyone to make him strong. He became strong by himself.”

“I know what you mean,” Tendou said quietly, looking away. “I will never forget my second meeting with him. It was so different from our first meeting. It was like as if I was talking to a completely different person.”

Ushijima gave out a little laugh, feeling a bit better. “You still haven’t told me what he had said to you.”

Tendou laughed too. A happy, joyful, nostalgic laugh.

It made Ushijima smile.

“I will tell you one day,” Tendou echoed the same thing he had told him a year ago. “I will tell you one day.”

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“I’m off,” Tendou looked at his phone and then put on his coat. Ushijima tilted his head.

“What happened?” He asked calmly. “Shirabu realized you stole his cat? I told you it was a bad idea.”

Iwaizumi whirled around, looking at Tendou. The boy raised his arms, completely defensive.

“Okay, first,” Tendou pointed at Ushijima. “I lost a bet with Yamagata–”

“I still told you it was a bad idea. You never listen.”

“– second, I did _not_ stole his cat. I borrowed it, ‘kay? It was part of the bet. And what do you mean I never listen–”

Ushijima wanted to speak but then his phone started to ring. He picked up and then sighed tiredly and said, “Shirabu, what can I do for you?”

Iwaizumi looked back at Tendou who turned pale as hell. The red head began to look around – look for a way out to escape.

“You’re looking for your cat?”

Ushijima looked at Tendou who was shaking his head, completely terrified. He ran to the window. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened.

“Yamagata’s acting weird? That’s interesting.”

Ushijima smiled when he saw Tendou, sticking his foot and then the other out to jump out the window.

_He wouldn’t._

Iwaizumi’s jaw fell down. He began to drink his glass of water, watching how the situation was going to turn out.

“Tendou? Have I seen Tendou, you ask?”

With a loud sound and a painful yell, Tendou jumped out of the window and landed on the other side with a loud thud.

Iwaizumi spat out the water.

Ushijima did not even wince. “Actually, he just left.”

“SON OF A BITCH!” Tendou shouted in pain

“Good luck for that,” Ushijima ended the call and then came to stand next to Iwaizumi. He looked out of the window as well.

“Did that idiot really jump out of my window?” Ushijima asked.

_I hope it didn't hurt him much, _Ushijima was a bit worried.

Iwaizumi was still processing. “Look at him go.”

Ushijima and Iwaizumi looked at the other, completely silent. But the situation was so out of place, because this was Iwaizumi Hajime and the cat was already stolen in the first place that–

Both of them just burst out laughing.

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

The sky started to turn dark blue when he was sitting out in the terrace.Stars and clouds. Blue and orange and rose colors blended into the other. Ushijima could feel a quiet cello somewhere near. Park had been playing since morning. It sounded deep, soulful and filled with melody.

“I brought you tea,” Ushijima said, putting the cup on the table. He sat next to Iwaizumi, close to the table, putting down his own cup of tea as well.

Iwaizumi said, “Thank you,” and then reached for the cup.

Ushijima noticed him shiver so he stood up and went behind him, taking off his jacket. He put it on Iwaizumi’s shoulders and then sat back where he had been a couple of seconds ago.

“Thank you,” Iwaizumi sighed.

Ushijima smiled at him because at the moment, he looked so vulnerable but in reality, Iwaizumi was brave.

_Iwaizumi was one of the bravest person he knew._

“Tell me about your time loop,” Iwaizumi whispered and Ushijima’s heart fluttered. The dawn was lightening up Iwaizumi’s eyes.

As if the sky wanted to crawl into his soul to find home there.

But then Iwaizumi’s eyes darted down, he started to fidget and Ushijima just reached forward and held his hand.

And he stopped.

“I woke up and realized how monotone my days were,” Ushijima said, smiling gently, looking away, trying to remember. “I wasn’t happy with my life. I felt okay with myself, I was okay with my friends, with my family but...” he trailed off. “I wasn’t really happy. It felt like you just exist, do your thing, go to school, eat and sleep and breathe. It was weird because I wasn’t sad either. It was a state where you just do your thing.”

_Tendou had been living like that as well._

But he had always worn colors.

Because Tendou wanted to make every day count. And in all honesty, won’t everyone want that?

People existed so that they can enjoy the reason they were here. Tendou lost his reason but he lost his joy.

But Ushijima believed with everything he had that everything happened for a reason. So when he spoke again, he echoed Tendou.

Because that was then Ushijima realized that he wanted to do the same thing as well.

“So one day,” Ushijima grinned, joy painted his face. So bright as life itself. “I told myself this: the world is big and I want to have a good look at it before I die.”

Because Ushijima was tired of his monotone days and he wanted to live.

“I told myself this every day,” he continued, holding his hand gently. His smile was blinding. “And then I began to do and see insane things with my friends – although, most of the time it was Tendou,” he looked so happy. “We ate in ten different restaurant on the same day. We bought a cat, that cat which is Shirabu’s by the way. We picked randomly a house and gave cookies. We once stole a car. Ended up participating in a wedding – witnessed a marriage proposal. Crashed a party, saved someone, met with new people, formed new friendships. Bought a cello to my neighbor because why not. Went to church with my grandmother, learned how to cook with my mother,” he looked away, up to the sky, at the dawn.

He swore he could feel the rain falling on his skin. He still remember, he could still see how everyone just hid away, using an umbrella while Ushijima

looked

up

and just let

it

rain.

“And my life just changed,” he whispered. “I still do these things,” his eyes turned gentle. “I’ll travel to London, next month. And the girl I saved – I still go with her for coffee every Friday. The cello I bought – we can listen his play because of me. The boy, who’s party we crashed, is going to have an another party soon and I am invited with my friends. The wedding where we participated – the couple sent us letters – to me, Tendou and Shirabu.”

Ushijima turned his head back to Iwaizumi, but he was already looking at him, so he tugged his hand gently and Iwaizumi blinked, focusing again. “There are so many things in this world, Iwaizumi,” he said with a soft voice. “So many things to see, to hear and to feel. And everyone’s rushing, and everyone takes things for granted and don’t appreciate things enough.”

There was something gentle in Iwaizumi’s eyes and Ushijima felt his heart skip a beat.

_No one ever looked at me like this._

“You see,” Ushijima began and looked down at their hands, feeling alive under Iwaizumi’s gaze. “Your actions matter because it will influence others’ lives. You can leave a mark. You can save him, Iwaizumi. I believe it. If anyone can do it, it’s you.”

_Why is my heart going crazy?_ _What is happening? I never– what does this–_

Oh.

Ushijima’s eyes slightly widened.

_“...Have you ever been in love, Dennis?”_

_Dennis turned a bright shade of red. She looked down at the had she was holding. “Not really,” she said. “You, Ushijima?”_

_Ushijima sighed and shrugged, just like the was Dennis did. “Not really,” he said and then sent her an encouraging look. “But hey, we meet them when the road decides it’s time for our paths to cross...”_

Of all the days in his life, of all the people in this world,

Ushijima walked in the park the same day Iwaizumi was there.

Of all the days in his life, of all the people in this world,

Ushijima sat down next to Iwaizumi.

Of all the times destiny gave Ushijima something, he had no idea what to do with the thing he had gotten now.

His heart felt full, his soul felt as if it was flying and he had no idea why.

It didn’t feel like love, not that Ushijima had any idea how this type of love felt like.

But, he was staring at their joined hands–

_It sure did feel something he hadn’t felt before._

Iwaizumi, however, had more important things to deal with. He didn’t need another weigh on his already high pile of worries.

“But,” Ushijima brushed his thumb against his knuckles and then stopped, now realizing what he was doing. He reached over to pick up Iwaizumi’s phone and then put into Iwaizumi’s palm. Their hands were still joined. “If you stay on your feet and don’t move – if you stay where you are, looking around from one place –, you’ll never run and you’ll never see different things.”

“Say it after me, Iwaizumi,” Ushijima whispered, clutching his hands, the phone in his hand. “Even if I believe this is the end, I won’t stop.”

_Because I want to see you smile._

And Iwaizumi echoed. “Even if I believe this is the end, I won’t stop.”

And Ushijima felt the weight on his shoulders,

vanish.

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima had stopped walking in the park and turned to stare at Iwaizumi Hajime.

He tilted his head in confusion because–

_This feels weird._

Ushijima took a hesitant step forward because–

_Do I know you? Really know you?_

Iwaizumi walked towards him and when he got there, Ushijima reached out his hand at the same time Iwaizumi did.

Their fingertips – their palms – and then their wrists touched.

Ushijima’s eyes widened in surprise, then to confused because of all the memories but then–

His heart began to sing.

His eyes softened, and he felt warm but then he noticed Iwaizumi, how he began to shake and look down. Ushijima frowned, not moving his hand and bent down to be able to look into Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He talked to him gently. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Iwaizumi wanted to pull back his hand but Ushijima didn’t let him.

_Who hurt you?_ Ushijima furrowed his brows.

“Even if I believe this is the end, I won’t stop,” Iwaizumi said and Ushijima pulled him into a hug, filled with warmth. Iwaizumi buried his face in the crook of the taller boy’s neck.

Ushijima then realized.

He had no idea how he hadn’t realized it before.

_“...You can’t cheat death. Whatever solution you can come up with – a solution that will save Oikawa and get you out of the time loop as well,” he continued calmly. “Will be useless if it doesn’t weigh as much as a suicide or similar to that...”_

He had no idea how he–

_Iwaizumi has to commit suicide to stop Oikawa._

And Ushijima _broke apart, he broke apart–_

_Tendou will die._

He felt his lungs shatter like mirrors and he couldn’t bear it how the pieces made them bleed because–

_Tendou his best friend and Iwaizumi who was–_

They will both leave him.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima couldn’t let go of his hand. He thought if he let him go, he would vanish and he was too afraid, he had never been this afraid ever.

They were sitting in a pub called ‘_Days and Minutes.’_

Ushijima gently helped Iwaizumi sit down and then he himself sat down next to him. He was still holding his hand gently, his thumb brushing the back of his hand, doing tiny circles.

_He’s here now, calm down._

“Yo, Wakatoshi,” smiled the bartender, similar to a shark. He shook Ushijima’s hand.

“Park,” Ushijima snapped out of it. “How’s it going? How’s Seung? Haven’t seen that guy for awhile.”

“Seung, you say?” Park shrugged, already pissed off and then began to wipe the counter clean. “That motherfucker has the biggest entrances in this god given world, I swear to Jesus,” Park scowled. “Yesterday, he waltzes in as if he is the one who owns this place not me – looking all neat and proud as fuck but for why I have no idea, anyway, he found a girl, Wakatoshi. That lazy son of a bitch – you know what he said?”

Iwaizumi turned intrigued. Ushijima held back his laughter. “What did he say?”

“_I want to marry her, Park–hyung. She is the one, Park–hyung. You can be best man, Park–hyung,_” Park made his voice high pitched. Iwaizumi snorted. “They met literally two months ago. The kid doesn’t even work here during the weekends anymore. I was like, boy are you fucking kidding me? You’re what? Eighteen? And he was like, and you’re what? Twenty–nine? And never had a decent girlfriend?”

Iwaizumi gasped and then Park turned to look at him and started to nod. He pointed at Iwaizumi and looked back at Ushijima.

“See? He gets it,” He said, still pissed off. “I was like, no you didn’t! And do you know what he told me back??”

Ushijima grinned and answered with Park simultaneously:

“_Yes I did._”

Iwaizumi chuckled.

“I want to have a beer!” Someone shouted from the other side.

A vein poppet out on Park’s neck as he turned around to look at the man. He only looked offended. “And I want to have a dog, but hey, what can you do?”

The man grimaced – completely confused for his life. He didn’t seem to be a bright individual.

“I want to have a beer,” he said again, tilting his head, still confused.

Park’s eye twitched.

“Listen here, brotha,” Park pointed at the man. Iwaizumi noticed a red dragon tattoo on his arms. No one in the pub looked tense. Everyone stayed comfortable, watching the game, talking with their friends. “Because I will only say it once. In this pub we stan for only one man and that is our Savior Lord and Jesus Christ – I don’t care about your bad boy attitude – if you stay here, you’ll fucking say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ am I clear or am I clear? Show some respect to your mother, for God’s sake. Did she raise you like this? I don’t think so.”

Ushijima was really happy he decided to come here and bring Iwaizumi along with him, he was already feeling better.

The giant man blushed, turning completely embarrassed. “I... uh... want to have a beer,” he said, looking down. “Please.”

Park smiled gently and then pointed at a chair. “Sure, knock yourself out.”

“So anyway,” he continued. “Looks like I’m heading to a wedding in the next month or so. It’s fun–fucking–tastic.”

Ushijima grinned, his hands was still on Iwaizumi’s, too afraid to let go but already feeling a bit calmer now. “Why don’t you tell him that it’s a foolish idea?”

Park snorted. “To Seung? You know the kid, Wakatoshi. He’s like superman on steroids. If you call him stupid, he’ll probably answer, yeah stupid in love. Remember when he met with that cool kid? I forgot his name, damn. Well, he looked up to him. That kid might could kick some sense into him. But he disappeared somewhere. Until then, I’m the substitute,” Park sighed. “I totally feel like I have a kid who’s not even mine, God help me,” he gave the beer to the giant man and told him. “And you – you better visit the church after this, you good for nothing. Wash your hands in some fucking holy water.”

The giant man turned sheepish and red. “I will, promise. And sorry. And thank you for the beer.”

Park gave out an annoyed sound. “Now I feel bad, fucking hell,” he walked back to them, shaking his head.

Iwaizumi laughed and Ushijima’s shoulders were beginning to shake with a silent laughter too. Park frowned and dropped the towel – which he had used to clean the counter – on his shoulder. He turned to look at Iwaizumi.

“Who’s this?” Park asked, smiling warmly.

Ushijima pointed at Iwaizumi with his chin. “This is Iwaizumi Hajime,” Ushijima’s heart fluttered.

_God, I should really stop that._

But he didn’t really want to.

They shook hands and bowed to the other.“I’m Park,” Park introduced himself with a grin, full of teeth. “You look stressed as fuck, fella. Wanna have a beer?”

Iwaizumi slowly shook his head. “No, thank you,” he said.

Park clicked his tongue. “A Coke then,” he grinned and it made Iwaizumi smile too. “It’s on the house.”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Sure,” his eyes turned soft. “Why not? Thank you.”

Park went away to bring him the drink. Iwaizumi leaned close to Ushijima’s ear and whispered.

Ushijima felt shivers ran down his spine.

_Okay, calm down. You can do this._

“You took me here because you knew he would cheer me up, huh?” Iwaizumi said.

_Be brave._

Ushijima smiled gently as he leaned close to him as well, whispering back,

“He’s my neighbor who plays the cello. And also the one who goes to church regularly with my grandmother.”

Park came back and put the Coke in front of Iwaizumi. He brought a glass and a slice of cake as well.

Iwaizumi turned surprised, looking at the cake. He looked back up at Park who looked satisfied with himself.

“You look sad, brotha,” Park shrugged. “Cake is one of the best medicines.”

Ushijima sent Park a grateful look, while the older man just winked at him. Ushijima turned amused.

_So Park noticed, wonderful._

Ushijima sighed quietly and then let go of Iwaizumi’s hand and touched his shoulder instead – warmth radiated from him.

And then the door burst open.

And Park looked at the person who was coming in. The Korean man went from zero to hundred in a snap.

“Seung, you son of a bitch!”

Everybody in the pub turned around the look at the popular Seung, including Iwaizumi. The boy had a light green hair and a handsome face, wearing a long coat and nice shoes. He had a guitar in his hand.

_Seung still knew how to make an entrance_.

“Park–hyung!” Seung shouted with a big grin. He expanded his arms, waiting for a hug but Park didn’t even move. The older man wasn’t amused.

Seung’s jaw fell down. “I’ve come to work,” he patted his guitar lightly, “and you don’t even hug me? That is really rude, Park–hyung.”

Park went from zero to hundred in a blink of an eye, again. Iwaizumi let out an amused laugh.

“You know what’s rude, Seung?” He gave him a pointed look. Iwaizumi began to continue eating the lemon cake. “Telling me you’re going to propose and then going away as if the announcement was nothing–”

Seung had a nasty grin on his face as he said. “It’s okay, hyung. I swear you’ll find a lovely girl too, no need to be jealous.”

Park looked like he wanted to murder him. But instead of doing that, he pointed at the stage and said,

“Go to work, kiddo,” he said. “And if I hear one tone, one sound that is off–key, you’ll be a goner.”

Seung grinned at him. “I’m already a goner,” he winked while walking towards the stage. “For love.”

Park shut his eyes and looked up to the ceiling. Ushijima almost laughed.

From the moment these two began to work together, they always quarreled about something. It always made Ushijima and Tendou laugh, as how it reminded them how they used to fight.

Ushijima just smiled, looking at them.

“Looks like the kid hasn’t lost his sense of humor,” Gerard shouted over to Park from the other side of the room. He was also a singer whenever Park couldn’t come. He was far from homeless now and it made Ushijima really happy.

Park smiled, still closing his eyes. “Looks like you haven’t lost the ability to hear either, Gerard. And yet, you still pretend to be deaf whenever we’re listening to Pastor Riley downtown at the church.”

“WHAT?” Gerard shouted, pretending not to hear. Another man from the other side of the room began to laugh.

“Oh for the love of God,” Park whispered and laughed too.

Iwaizumi finished his cake, and reached for his Coke whenUshijima’s hand on his shoulder tightened. Iwaizumi turned his head to look at him.

_I hope this will make you feel better._

Ushijima wore that soft smile when he said. “Check this out,” he whispered. “There’s a reason why Seung works here.”

Iwaizumi gave out a cheeky grin. “I thought it was only because of driving Park crazy.”

“I wish that was the only case,” Park suddenly said, leaning over to them, making Iwaizumi jump in fright, his hand clutching onto the fabric of his shirt as he tried to catch his breath.

a

guitar

chord

struck

the

silence.

Everyone who was talking, moving or doing anything – stopped and turned around towards Seung’s direction.

He was sitting on a barstool with one foot on the ground, the other leaning on the chair, balancing himself. He looked comfortable, the microphone close to his mouth.

And it was silence.

It was silence when Seung began to play.

It was a light, nostalgic, soft tone. The strings felt feathery, constantly changing, strangely glowing the whole place up. The golden candles around Seung created an unearthly atmosphere and showered his green hair with light.

_There he was._

There it was the guitarist that made Ushijima feel better after Tendou told him about his condition.

There it was the guitarist that made Kageyama feel alive. He had told how he met Seung after all, a couple of months ago.

Ushijima couldn’t help but smile.

And then the boy began to sing.

“_I wish I was a slave to an age–old trade_,” His voice was clear, but kept the deep tone, full of melody.

_A soulful voice._

“_Like ridin’ around on railcars and workin’ long days,_” he didn’t look down while he played, he was looking at the people. Completely open, honest and free. “_Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways,_” his voice felt like a lost whisper filled with his heart. “_Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways._”

“_Call it one drink too many, call it pride of a man. But it don’t make no difference if you sit or you stand,_” Seung looked down at his guitar, checking his hand. “_Cause they both end in trouble and start with a grin. Yeah, they both end in trouble and start with a grin._”

Seung shut his eyes and leaned back as he let his voice to be heard,

“_We do it over and over and over again,_” he had a soft smile on his face. “_We do it over and over and over again._”

His voice filled the pub up. Everyone looked too stunned to move. Some people recorded with their phones, some were tapping their feet, some were swaying their body along to the song. Some even mouthed the words – a lot of people knew the song. Seung performed it a lot of times, saying it was his favorite.

“_I know there’s California, Oklahoma, and all of the places I ain’t ever been to, but down in the valley with whiskey rivers_,” Seung hummed for a minute. “_Yeah, down in the valley of whiskey rivers – these are the places you will find me hiding, these are the places I will always go, these are the places I will always go._”

Ushijima closed his eyes, a quiet smile touched his mouth because there were so many things that made life beautiful.

“_I am on my way,_” Seung stopped playing and then knocked on the wood of the instrument for three times. “_I am on my way,_”

Knock. knock. knock.

“_I am on my way back to where I started._”

He began to play again. People began to cheer and clap, they stood up and began to dance as Seung started to grin and let his voice follow the tune.

And then the crowd began to sing along with him. It felt like a heavenly choir, filled with joy and hope.

“_One more for the stars and the eyes of the walls. I saw your face,_” the crowd sang.

“_I saw your face,_” Seung’s deep voice followed the choir.

“_I heard you callin’ out,_” the crowd clapped to the rhythm.

“_Callin’ out,_” Seung repeated, playing stronger on the guitar.

“_I saw your face in the crowd and you came out,_” the crowd began to dance with the joyful, now fast paced melody. “_Just like the sun and the moon and the stars at night._”

“_There was a sign on the door and it reads to me,_” a woman with a deep voice sang louder, the choir followed her.

“_It reads to me._”

Seung’s grin was as wide as the sky above their heads. “_Just like the sun and the moon and the stars at night.”_

People took their drink and clinked their glasses together.

“_I am on my way,_” Seung sang – almost shouted with his beautiful voice. He stopped playing and knocked on the wood again three times. He pointed at the crowd.

“_I am on my way_,” they sang.

Seung couldn’t stop smiling.

knock. knock. knock.

“_I am on my way back to where I started._”

Ushijima opened his eyes and turned around to look at Iwaizumi with half lidded eyes. But he was already looking at him.

_He always did._

Two old eyes, staring at the other. Golden lamps glowing above their heads.

And Ushijima couldn’t look away.

_“...Have you ever been in love, Dennis?”_

_Dennis turned a bright shade of red. She looked down at the had she was holding. “Not really,” she said. “You, Ushijima?”_

_Ushijima sighed and shrugged, just like the was Dennis did. “Not really,” he said and then sent her an encouraging look. “But hey, we meet them when the road decides it’s time for our paths to cross...”_

And Ushijima couldn’t look away.

“_Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways.”_

Because in that moment, maybe he was in love.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima called Tendou on that day.

“Yes?” Tendou picked it up. “It’s weird that you call me first not the other way around.”

Ushijima took a deep breath. “I’m in love with Iwaizumi.”

Tendou was laughing.

He was

laughing.

Ushijima turned confused, looking at the phone. Then Tendou just said, “It was about time for you to realize that.”

Ushijima turned even more confused. “You knew?!”

“Of course I knew.”

“How?!”

Tendou laughed a little. “You look at him the way I look at pizzas.”

And Ushijima just couldn’t help it, he started to laugh too.

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was sitting at Park’s bar, listening to Seung’s performing his best song. He was looking down at his drink, having a sour mood because–

He had been searching for something all day.

It was as if he lost something.

_But what did he lose exactly? And why can’t he remember it?_

It was really frustrating.

And then the crowd began to sing along with him. It felt like a heavenly choir, filled with joy and hope.

“_One more for the stars and the eyes of the walls. I saw your face,_” the crowd sang.

_Just what am I missing in my life?_

Ushijima looked up and met his eyes.

“_I saw your face,_” Seung’s deep voice followed the choir.

he stood up from the barstool.

“_I heard you callin’ out,_” the crowd clapped to the rhythm.

Iwaizumi smiled. A real smile – the first smile today.

“_Callin’ out,_” Seung repeated, playing stronger on the guitar.

Ushijima began to walk towards him, not looking away.

“_I saw your face in the crowd and you came out,_” the crowd began to dance with the joyful, now fast paced melody.

_It feels like you saw a person you want to have in your life._

And for the first time – Iwaizumi didn’t reach out with his hand. He stretched his arms out and collided with Ushijima in a big hug. His cheek brushed over Ushijima’s – their skin touched.

“_Just like the sun and the moon and the stars at night._”

And then Ushijima turned his head to whisper something to Iwaizumi – his voice out of breath, filled with gratefulness.

“I had a weird feeling all day. As if I was waiting for something, as if I was looking for something.”

**–––––––––––––––––**

“What the fuck?”

Ushijima saw Oikawa hit Iwaizumi Hajime in the face. He felt angry – no one should hit the other–

_What was going on?_

He arrived next to Iwaizumi and looked at him, at his expression, at his hand where the bruise was. And then he looked at Makki – and then at Oikawa – and then at Iwaizumi back again.

Ushijima hesitantly touched Iwaizumi’s hand with one fingertip.

And he remembered.

And he

felt

_vicious._

He turned to Oikawa with terrifying silence, clenching his fists. Ushijima didn’t hit Oikawa, purely because of Iwaizumi. He only walked close to him and said with utter disgust, shaking with anger.

“Do you know how hard this is for him?”

_He has to hurt himself in order to save you, out of his own will._

_And you really–_

Ushijima pointed at Iwaizumi without turning around, holding Oikawa’s gaze. “He wants to save you,” his voice was calm. “He wants to fucking save you.”

He _can_ save you.

_And you hurt him?_

“He wants to save you every single day and _you_ _hit him_?”

Ushijima wanted to tear him apart–

_But then someone moved behind him._

Ushijima turned around and walked back to Iwaizumi immediately.

He stopped in front of Iwaizumi and gently touched his bruised cheek.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner._

Not caring about the blood, only caring about Iwaizumi’s comfort.

He smiled at him.

_It will be better. I’m here now._

Despite everything – Iwaizumi could still smile at Ushijima.

**–––––––––––––––––**

They were at Ushijima’s. Iwaizumi was sitting on the couch as he Ushijima came back with a first aid box. He kneeled in front of Iwaizumi and with a wet cloth, began to gently wipe the blood off his left cheek.

Iwaizumi winced.

Ushijima stopped for a minute – his lips still pressed into a thin line. And then he was still waiting until Iwaizumi said,

“You can continue.”

_I’m so sorry._

Ushijima nodded and continued to clean the bruise just as gently as he did it before. His hands were shaking – shaking so much–

_I’m so sorry._

Iwaizumi clasped his hand over Ushijima’s.

Ushijima stopped and silently looked at him, taking a shaky breath. He immediately began to brush his thumb over the back of Iwaizumi’s hand.

Iwaizumi’s eyes softened and he spoke,

“You keep me sane.”

Ushijima’s soul sang.

And he just glanced up with a warm smile as he answered, “You keep reminding me how brave someone can be.”

“How could I have ever hated you?” Iwaizumi whispered.

Ushijima then answered again. They were going back and forth. “I’m constantly looking for something or someone every single day and the feeling doesn’t disappear until we touch.”

“You keep reminding me how good it is to be alive.”

Ushijima felt _weak_.

“You are one of the strongest person I know.”

Iwaizumi leaned close to rest his forehead on Ushijima’s – he was still holding his hand.

“I would have given up, if you hadn’t been here.”

“It’s a weird feeling but the most right I’ve ever felt. I want to protect you.”

Ushijima felt overwhelmed.

_You came into my life just the moment I needed it._

Iwaizumi tilted his head up – their noses brushed. “I only remained human because of you.”

And Ushijima’s eyes were staring at him. With half lidded old eyes, with the soul of a person who had seen so much and was still able to stand up in the end.

_He was in love._

He was in so much love when he gently kissed Iwaizumi.

The kiss was as short as a moment. It was too quick but Ushijima felt so alive it hurt his lungs.

Ushijima wrapped his arms around his waist, pulled him close and bent down to rest his cheek gently against his. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” Ushijima said quietly, close to his ears. “I just want to be close to you.”

_He had been waiting for this for so long._

Ushijima broke the kiss and looked down at the smiling Iwaizumi.

And Ushijima broke into a smile too – it painted his being, slow, and then made him look so human, so real.

Iwaizumi, still smiling, leaned close and stopped before his lips touched Ushijima’s.

“Do you want to kiss again?” he muttered, his words touched Ushijima’s lips.

Ushijima’s smile showed his dimples. “No,” he mimicked Iwaizumi’s tone. “We need to talk before we kiss again.”

Iwaizumi froze.

“Hey,” Ushijima whispered and kissed Iwaizumi’s temple and then Iwaizumi shut his eyes. “Nothing is okay and this day is hell, I won’t lie, but there’s something good about it too.”

“What? That my bruise will disappear tomorrow? It still hurts–”

Ushijima pressed a kiss on his eyelids, shutting Iwaizumi up.

“There’s that,” he admitted. “And also that I can hug you anytime now.”

Iwaizumi snorted and opened his eyes. “Like I wouldn’t have allowed you to hug me anytime, for no reason before all of this,” he pressed little kisses on Ushijima’s jawline and he thought he was going to faint–

Ushijima grinned and nosed along Iwaizumi’s cheek and then jaw, making the other chuckle.

“I like being around you,” Ushijima said and kissed Iwaizumi’s neck. “My days are always much better after we meet.”

Iwaizumi gave out a soft smile as Ushijima pressed a little kiss on his hair. “I always have hope because I know I can meet you. I can get help – I can count on you. And _you_,” Iwaizumi started to press little kisses on Ushijima’s cheek, temple, neck – absolutely destroying him. Ushijima began to laugh, lost his balance and fell to the floor – Iwaizumi falling down on top of him.

But that didn’t stop him.

He was still showering Ushijima with kisses. “And you,” Iwaizumi continued. “You have to be so comforting, and kind. You have to be amazing, don’t you, Ushijima? You just can’t hold back, can you? You couldn’t be an asshole, could you? You had to ruin our friendship! Now I want to be your friend but something else too! You just had to do that!”

Ushijima tilted his head, confused. “I am the one who ruined it? Says who?! I’ve got nothing on you,” he suddenly sat up, one arm behind his own back with palm down on the floor, balancing both of them for Iwaizumi was sitting on his lap.

Ushijima’s other hand came up to touch his unbruised cheek – they were close, their noses almost brushing.

_You’re so lively I need to close my eyes sometimes, it’s too much._

“You’re amazing too, Iwaizumi,” Ushijima said, his voice felt powerful. “You’re so nice to talk to, so kind and clever and open minded and you keep standing up but these are not the most amazing things – the most amazing thing is that you remind me what’s the hardest thing to do and yet you do it anyway,” Ushijima stopped for a moment to stare at him. Only stared.

_You’re my rain._

His smile turned soft when he continued quietly, “Like it’s nothing.” Iwaizumi slowly blinked. Ushijima followed the movement calmly.

_You’re my rain, Iwaizumi Hajime._

Ushijima’s hand moved down to caress his arm, then his side, and then stopped to pull him close by his waist. Iwaizumi hugged him back – he rested his face on Ushijima’s head, burying his nose into his hair, wanting to drown in him, wanting to blend–

“You keep going even if you are too tired to do it anymore, even if you just want to live your life, even if Oikawa doesn’t deserve it anymore. You keep going.”

“I can only do it because of you,” Iwaizumi whispered.

“And I’m only _this_ kind and comforting because of you. I’m weak for you,” Ushijima kissed his cheek again. “I want you to succeed. I want you to win. I want to support you all the way. You made me want to cheer for you,” Ushijima laughed, Iwaizumi felt it through their chests, pressed together. “Iwaizumi, I want nothing more but to see you win this mess.”

_Because I know you can win._

_Even if it will destroy me._

He then remembered, “I still can’t believe he hit you.”

Iwaizumi tense but calmed down immediately as soon as Ushijima pressed a kiss to his collarbone.

“He’s hurting right now,” Iwaizumi said quietly. “His mind isn’t okay – he’s not okay.”

“But you? Hitting you?” Ushijima nuzzled to his cheek, to his neck. “You’re everything, Iwaizumi.”

“You seemed like you wanted to hit him too.”

Ushijima stopped nuzzling – he just stayed close to Iwaizumi’s neck. “I did.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Ushijima seemed to hesitate but then he answered,

“Because he’s important to you. He’s your best friend and I don’t want to hurt things or people that are important to you. I want to avoid hurting you in any kind of way, to be honest. You have so many things to stress about in the first place. You don’t need me on your list.”

“I could kiss you all day,” Iwaizumi began again.

Ushijima chuckled. “Me too. It doesn’t make sense, though. I’ve never had anyone before. I didn’t search for it, I didn’t want to have a...” he trailed off, remembering Dennis for all of a sudden.

Everything he had said to her in the classroom.

It seemed such a long time ago, and yet too fresh at the same time.

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

“I just thought about how many things had changed since my time loop,” Ushijima continued.

They enjoyed the silence, enjoyed each other’s comfort. But then someone broke it again. This time, it was Iwaizumi.

“My time loop will activate soon.”

“Look at me,” Iwaizumi began gently when he noticed Iwaizumi starting to look more and more devastated.

“If you feel that it’s too much,” Ushijima whispered. “That the next one, the next day, will be too much, find me in the afternoon – not in the morning when you used to –, and you can help me gonna get Tendou out of jail. It’ll cheer you up.”

And Iwaizumi burst out laughing.

He covered his mouth, trying to turn away but Ushijima grinned and hugged him and turned him back–

“That’s what you’ve been doing all this time in every afternoon?” Iwaizumi laughed. “Getting Tendou out of jail? _I can’t_–”

Ushijima’s shoulders were starting to shake. “The funny thing is that he didn’t do anything this time but the cop didn’t believe him–”

“Oh my god–”

“You see, because he always gets the same cop whenever he’s at the police station for some reason–”

Iwaizumi began to _wheeze_, making Ushijima

lose

it.

_He wanted to tell this to Iwaizumi._

Not the whole truth, but instead a half lie and not the first day when Tendou stole the deodorant.

“And,” Ushijima couldn’t breathe, “_Oh shit_ – one time he stole a deodorant from a convenience store–”

Iwaizumi began to lightly hit Ushijima’s shoulder. “Stop, stop–”

Ushijima tried to grab Iwaizumi’s arm.

“And when I asked him why he did that, he told me, he had thought it had been a perfume–”

Iwaizumi stopped hitting Ushijima, feeling powerless, laughing so much his eyes began to tear up.

“And I tell him, you still stole it. That’s stealing, Tendou–”

Ushijima wiped Iwaizumi’s tear, while Iwaizumi wiped down Ushijima’s – both of them looking like a mess, not knowing how to breathe properly–

“And you won’t believe what he told me, Iwaizumi, you won’t–”

“What?” Iwaizumi took uneven breaths, trying to gain his composure.

Ushijima’s laugh died down – he silently suffered.

“He told me,” Ushijima shut down his eyes, touching his own face, trying to calm down. “He told me, it was only stealing if they didn’t see you taking it.”

Iwaizumi frowned, confused but then–

his

jaw

fell

down.

“He didn't.”

Ushijima started nodding, “He did,” silently shaking, crying with laughter. “That idiot took the thing off the shelf and then fucking walked out with it, passing the security without shame and,” Ushijima couldn't take it anymore. “When the alarm went off what do normal people do? Run, right? Not this guy. No, Tendou looked back at the security and told him this, right into his face,” Ushijima cleared his throat, trying to look as stoic as he usual was. “I’ll do it again tomorrow because I’m quite interested.”

That what he did on the last day of the time loop and Ushijima was laughing so much.

“Interested in what?” Iwaizumi asked after they both had calmed down.

“Hmm?” Ushijima turned his head towards him, smiling lightly. This nice smile just for Iwaizumi.

He had to blink to make himself function again.

“Tendou? Interested in what?”

Ushijima frowned and then chuckled. “I have no idea,” he let out an amused sound. “He still hasn’t told me, and at this point, I am too afraid to ask.”

Iwaizumi grinned and then shut down his eyes.

“Hey, Iwaizumi,” Ushijima spoke again with a gentle voice again. “See you today,” Ushijima whispered, smiling and Iwaizumi’s smile appeared too. Like a lost song from a piano that only Ushijima could play.

“See you today,” he whispered back and then Ushijima gave him a chaste kiss on his lips.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“Fred is like a weird uncle to me,” Tendou said to them while they were walking him home. “But he’s also the reason I can’t go to any supermarket or store that is close to this area, I can’t even try because he is always everywhere. It’s a difficult relationship.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. “Is that why you always kept waiting at home while Ushijima went out for groceries?”

“Shocking, right?” Tendou gestured towards them. “But not as shocking as you two are.”

Ushijima was amused. “Oh, really? And why is that?” Already knowing that Tendou knew because he had told him a long time ago.

Tendou smiled. “I had a guess.”

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“It feels wrong not being there for him now,” Iwaizumi whispered. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

Ushijima gently intertwined their fingers together, and with his other hand, he started to caress his forearm. They were lying on Ushijima’s bed, only their hands touching, enjoying their quiet time.

“I’m not doing what I supposed to do,” Iwaizumi continued. “I’m wasting time and you let me.”

Ushijima brought Iwaizumi’s hand towards his lips and pressed a little kiss on the palm.

“Lie to me, Ushijima,” Iwaizumi whispered. “Tell me I have an another way. Lie.”

“No.”

Ushijima pulled him closer, but Iwaizumi didn’t stop–

“Tell me I have nothing to worry about.”

Ushijima pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“I won’t lie to you.”

“Lie.”

“No.”

Ushijima’s hand were shaking and Iwaizumi kissed the other boy’s chin.

“Lie.”

“No.”

“Tell me I have an another way.”

Ushijima’s remained silent and Iwaizumi buried his face into the crook of his neck.

“Tell me that I don’t need to try – tell me that I don’t need to commit suicide in front of him, in order to make him stay.”

Ushijima began to press little kisses on Iwaizumi’s hair, cheek–

“Lie.”

_Ushijima was crying._

“Maybe you only need one cut,” Ushijima whispered, _begged_. “After he sees that you’re being serious and if you’re important to him enough, he’ll stay if you ask and you don’t need to cut more. He’ll stay for good.”

_Please don’t die._

_Please don’t leave me alone._

“If?”

“Tell him that the moment he commits suicide, you’ll do exactly the same. He wouldn’t stay for you – but now, he could try to live for you.”

Iwaizumi took a shaky breath. “Maybe I’m not that important.”

_I will need you when Tendou dies, Iwaizumi._

_I can’t have you both die._

“He wouldn’t want you to die.”

“But I don’t want to die either.”

Ushijima froze and Iwaizumi started to wipe away his tears.

“I want to live, I want to stay, I have so much thing to do and see _and_–” his voice broke, “I’m not ready to die, I can’t go–”

“And you won’t go,” Ushijima said, his voice powerful. “You won’t die from one cut if the ambulance is near and they will be cause I’ll fucking call them before you even walk through the door–”

Ushijima began to wipe Iwaizumi’s tears away.

“Maybe I need to cut more for him to believe–”

“No,” Ushijima whispered, leaning close, sounding too afraid. “No, please don’t do more than one – I just got you and–”

_It’s too much, it’s too much, it’s–_

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. “Okay,” he whispered, calming Ushijima down. “I won’t.”

“Lie.”

And Ushijima indeed lie.

“I don’t give a damn about what happens to you,” _You’re too important to me. _“Lie.”

And Iwaizumi indeed lie.

“You make me feel nothing,” _You make me feel everything. _“Lie.”

And Ushijima indeed lie.

“You’re not one of my most important friend,” _You’re one of the best. _“Lie.”

“My family aren’t happy that we’re so close,” _They love you already. _“Lie.”

And Ushijima’s gentle eyes never left his as he said,

“I want you to suffer.”

_I want to vanish your pain._

“I want to feel your misery.”

_I want to feel your joy in these monotone days as if it were mine._

And Ushijima lied again, smiling gently,

“One day you’ll wake up and notice all the miseries in this world.”

_One day you’ll wake up and notice all the happiness in this world._

Because you already look like someone who wants to notice all of the wonders in life.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was staring at Iwaizumi.

Tendou walked in as if he owned this place. “Makki, huh?” Tendou’s eyes widened. “I can’t wait to talk to that kid. He’s one of my species.”

“Tendou, behave.” Ushijima said as he stepped into the house. “I just got you out of jail.”

“You’re making it sound like as if this was the last time getting me out of jail,” Tendou was waving as he made his way towards the dining room.

_He was joking about it again._

“Fred is going to have a heart attack soon, if you continue.”

“If I go down, I take everybody with me – oh my god, Makki, my boy!”

_Jesus, Tendou._

“Tendou, my brotha!”

“I haven’t seen you in ages! You look fine, my boy.”

“You two haven’t even met–”

“Don’t pay attention to Matsukawa, he’s jealous of our brotherly bond.”

“Who wouldn’t be, Makki, my boy? We are best friends already–”

“Tendou, my brotha, want to be the best man in my wedding?”

“Makki, my boy, want to help me find my wife?”

“Bro.”

“Bro.”

“What am I witnessing right now?”

“The birth of something beautiful, Matsukawa.”

Ushijima and Iwaizumi gave out a tired sigh at the same time. Ushijima glanced towards him with a curious gaze.

Iwaizumi stared back. But then he shut the front door, just to not look at him.

“You are attractive, Iwaizumi,” Ushijima find himself saying because he had a really weird feeling.

Something he couldn’t quite define.

Iwaizumi looked back and he noticed that Ushijima was smiling under his mask. “Really? Why do you say that all of a sudden?”

Ushijima’s smile turned soft. “It felt like a good time to say it,” he slowly raised his hand to Iwaizumi’s cheek, not touching it.

Iwaizumi turned towards the hand.

“May I?” Ushijima asked, his voice sounded gentle to Iwaizumi’s ears. “I want to check something.”

Iwaizumi smiled and said, “Can you check it in the dining room?”

Ushijima furrowed his brows. “I can but why?”

Iwaizumi tilted his head towards the dining room. “Me and Makki are very interested in a reaction, you see.”

Ushijima looked confused but nodded nevertheless. Iwaizumi turned back and started to walk into the dining room, Ushijima following him –

“Oh shit, Tendou, my brother, hold up real quick,” Makki said, holding his phone again and then started recording. “And action!”

Matsukawa raised an eyebrow at Makki, looking into the phone’s camera.

Iwaizumi smiled and then told Ushijima, “You can check now.”

Ushijima had a hesitant smile on his face – he looked over to see Tendou giving him thumbs us, Makki recording the whole thing but only Matsukawa’s reaction – and of course, Matsukawa, who was staring at them being confused as hell.

Ushijima raised his hand but before he could’ve touch Iwaizumi’s cheek–

Iwaizumi turned his head to Ushijima’s approaching hand and pressed a kiss on Ushijima’s palm.

And Ushijima’s

heart

was

so

happy.

“Oh,” Makki started excitedly.

“My,” Tendou continued smugly.

“God,” Matsukawa finished astonishingly.

Ushijima didn’t move his hand – he didn’t move at all. He looked completely stunned by Iwaizumi, starting to remember and then–

The doorbell rang again.

“Tendou, my brotha, could you get that?” Makki said in the background. “I’m kinda... occupied in the moment, Matsukawa’s still not breathing but his face is priceless.”

“Of course, my boy, I’m going,” Tendou answered, walking away.

And then, as the tension, as the silence shattered–

Ushijima gently grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm and pulled him into a hug. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around his waist and Ushijima leaned close to him and nuzzled to his cheek, his nose brushed Iwaizumi’s and then–

Ushijima kissed his cheek through the mask, making Iwaizumi smile, and then he heard Ushijima laugh–

“OH MY GOD!” Matsukawa shouted.

“Well shit–” Makki started.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

“Matsukawa, you’re cursing again, you gotta chill, man–” Makki tried to continue, shouting over Matsukawa.

“WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?”

“I mean, not like I don’t get it, I reacted the same way–”

“DID YOU KNOW AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME – THAT’S WHY YOU WANTED TO RECORD MY FACE, HANAMAKI?”

Makki gulped. “Well shit.”

“Don’t worry, Matsukawa,” Iwaizumi smirked. “You can have a match against him – practice even,” Iwaizumi looked up to see Ushijima already staring at him, with a kind smile under the mask. “Right, miracle boy?”

Ushijima chuckled and then looked at Matsukawa with a kind expression.

“By the time you get them back,” he turned back to Iwaizumi, “they’ll be ready for nationals.”

Iwaizumi turned crimson so he buried his face into Ushijima’s coat, making him laugh.

“This looks actually...” Iwaizumi heard Matsukawa, “fucking adorable.”

“But I think you missed a very important detail, Matsukawa – Iwaizumi just got us signed up for a spartan training–”

“Look at them, Makki, they look so happy and cute–”

“Matsukawa, you’re still missing the point, we’re gonna die–”

“I mean... I always wanted to be with a person who makes me happy, but seeing that someone really met someone who is making them happy is such a nice feeling–”

“Matsukawa, Ushiwaka is going to practice with us, we’re gonna fucking die in distress, concentrate–”

And then Matsukawa suddenly stopped. And then said,

“What is going on with Tendou? He’s been out there for a–”

“GUYS, I JUST MET BERNIE AGAIN – HE WORKS AS A PIZZA DELIVERY GUY IT SEEMS! THE WORLD IS SO SMALL!” Tendou shouted and then rushed back to the dining room, looking like an insane individual. “He just found out that I’m finally out of jail so he decided to give us the pizza for free. Can’t wait to tell him the same thing on next week too, just to get another free pizza. What a time to be alive, goddamn! Gotta tell this to Fred later, he’s gonna lose his mind.”

It was silence.

Tendou started eating one slice of pizza and then – as the cheese started to melt down from his mouth, flowing down to his chin – he said, completely serious,

“I didn’t lie. I really just got out of jail.”

And then everyone burst out laughing.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“Oikawa has to go to a professional after we save him,” Iwaizumi started.

Makki, Matsukawa and Tendou were eating pizza and were currently looking at Iwaizumi and Ushijima – who were sitting on the couch, facing them.

Iwaizumi brought his arms close to his chest and wrapped around himself–

Ushijima, noticing this, gently lowered Iwaizumi’s arms and maneuvered the hands to his own waist – pulling Iwaizumi close to him. Iwaizumi hugged Ushijima and laid his head on his shoulder.

Ushijima pressed a kiss on his temple.

_Everything will be fine._

“I know Oikawa is our first priority,” Matsukawa spoke up. “But you’re getting worse and worse, Iwaizumi. I don’t like it.”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes and held Ushijima tighter.

“No one likes it,” Tendou sighed and then continued. “That’s why we need to save him fast. Does anybody here know a professional psychologist?”

“I do,” Makki answered and Iwaizumi buried his face into Ushijima’s chest. “My mother knows one and he doesn't live far from here either. We could talk to him – I just need to get hisnumber from her.”

Matsukawa and Tendou hummed in agreement.

“I’ll go with you tomorrow,” Iwaizumi said, turning his head to look at Makki. The other boy gave him a grateful look. “We’ll talk to her.”

Makki nodded but then Matsukawa suddenly spoke up,

“Oikawa is a stubborn individual though,” he looked worried. “How are we so sure that he’ll go to therapy?”

“He will.”

Everyone turned to Iwaizumi and Ushijima’s arms around him stiffened.

“Can I hug you?” Matsukawa broke the silence.

He leaned back from Ushijima’s hug and stood up from the couch. Matsukawa – without a single word – walked towards him and hugged him with all of his strength.

“You’re the most awesome friend and I hate seeing you like this. I promise, after all of this is over we’re going to make you so happy,” Matsukawa said quietly.

Tendou walked towards them and hugged them and Iwaizumi shut down his eyes. “You can always call me. You can always count on me. I’ll break out of prison, I’ll even break out of the president’s residency if I have to,” Tendou voice was simple like benevolence.

And Ushijima just felt his heart grew and shatter at the same time.

_I wonder if Tendou cries during the night._

Just like Ushijima does.

Iwaizumi’s vision turned blurry as he noticed Makki walking his way towards him, hugging the three of them. “You guys are all I have.”

Ushijima tilted his head, thinking about how much he deserved such a good people to be in his life.

**–––––––––––––––––**

“If you hurt him, I’ll snap your fucking spine in two,” Matsukawa said goodbye, smiling softly at Ushijima while standing at the door, ready to leave.

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened in terror.

He looked over at Ushijima who wore the most serious face ever. He nodded at Matsukawa.

“I’ll let you,” Ushijima spoke in a severe tone.

Iwaizumi’s jaw fell down.

_I would really deserve it._

But Ushijima doubted he could ever hurt Iwaizumi.

Matsukawa looked satisfied with his answer apparently, because then he grinned like the happiest man alive and pulled Ushijima into a hug.

“Welcome to the family, big guy,” he said, patting Ushijima’s shoulders twice. He leaned back and waved at him. “See you later at practice – well, after the time loop is done for good.”

Ushijima smiled, his eyes glowed up. “Sure. Can’t wait.”

Matsukawa stared at him and then at Iwaizumi – then shook his head, grinning like an idiot.

“What a time to be alive,” he said still shaking his head, turning away from them, walking out of the house.

“What the fuck – wait for me, Matsukawa!” Makki shouted, rushing to the door. “Tendou, my brotha,” Makki yelled back to Tendou. “One of these days we should go for a ramen.”

“Amen to that, Makki, my boy,” Tendou yelled back.

“Tendou, my brotha,” Makki yelled, smiling wide. “Can I just say I love you?”

“Makki, my boy,” Tendou shouted back, grinning like a maniac. “I fucking love you too!”

“Iwaizumi,” Makki looked at him suddenly, turning serious. “Tendou stole your place. He’s my best friend now.”

Iwaizumi blinked. Ushijima snorted, almost laughing when–

“Don’t laugh, Wakatoshi,” Tendou appeared in front of them out of nowhere. “You lost your place too. Makki is my fav bro.”

Ushijima’s face turned stone cold in a single moment and Iwaizumi couldn't help but laugh.

Makki turned towards the red head. “Tendou, my brotha,” he started. “Want to go watch that new superhero movie in the cinema?”

Tendou almost began to cry. “Makki, my boy,” he sounded overwhelmed. “Are you a fan of those? Fucking hell, this has to be destiny.”

“It is destiny, bro.”

“Bro.”

Iwaizumi started to get annoyed. “Oh my god, just go!” He closed the door and sighed, looking at the two idiot from the window. “These two should have never met.”

Ushijima hummed behind him, completely agree. “You tell me.”

“What a sight,” Iwaizumi said out loud what he’d been thinking. “One I’ve never thought I’d see.”

“Who’s going to take care of Oikawa tonight?” Ushijima abruptly asked, making Iwaizumi smile.

“Matsukawa,” he answered. “They’ll go bowling.”

Ushijima laughed. “You have great friends,” he said, the tone causing Iwaizumi to turn around to face him. “I wouldn’t worry if I were you. Those three will be alright. They have each other now.”

Ushijima’s mask was pulled down, resting below his chin, close to his neck. Iwaizumi’s eyes glanced up to his baseball hat.

Ushijima smiled and lifted up his hat and put it on Iwaizumi’s head. Iwaizumi adjusted the hat and tilted his head, looking up at Ushijima.

“It suits me, huh?” He asked, his smile tender.

And Ushijima remembered Uta. Remembered standing below the rain, remembered buying colorful clothes.

“Yeah,” Ushijima answered quietly, not looking away. “Happiness suits you.”

“Lie,” Iwaizumi whispered.

Ushijima’s eyes softened as Iwaizumi intertwined their fingers. He lied,

“I can let you go.” _I can’t let you go. _“Lie.”

Iwaizumi looked down at their hands and lied, “I can let you go.”_I can’t let you go._

“Hajime.”

Iwaizumi blinked, hearing his name. He gently raised his head to look at Ushijima and asked,

“Yes?”

Ushijima’s eyes held comfort, warmth and adoration as he raised their hands and pressed a kiss on the back of Iwaizumi’s.

Ushijima said, keeping his lips on Iwaizumi’s hand, “I still wonder who I would have been, if my time loop hadn’t happened. Maybe someone stranger, someone who is far away from me. Someone you would never look at.”

Iwaizumi tried to imagine it. “Maybe,” he admitted softly.

Ushijima pulled him closer. “What I’m trying to say is that everything I had done made me who I am today,” Iwaizumi turned his hat so that it was backwards on his head and pressed a kiss on Ushijima’s neck. “And everything you had done made you who you are today.”

“And?” Iwaizumi whispered.

“This version of me,” Ushijima let go and then held Iwaizumi’s face between his hands. He bent down to press their foreheads together. “Is extremely fond of this version of you.”

“I am who I am because of you,” Iwaizumi stared at him with half lidded eyes.

Ushijima smiled and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I doubt that,” he said. “Because I only met you recently and even then I was a goner.”

Iwaizumi grinned. “Really?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Why?”

Ushijima furrowed his brows and said, “Because you looked so broken when I turned towards you, sitting on that bench. I remember what I was thinking then. It was silly.”

“What? No.” Iwaizumi asked, laughing a little, “What were you thinking?”

Ushijima looked away, blushing. “I was thinking that you looked lost. So alone and yet so powerful, so out of place yet so singular,” he gave out a little laugh, shaking his head. “I wanted to see you smile.”

Iwaizumi turned crimson.

They went up to Iwaizumi’s room and laid on the bed, Ushijima was hugging him, his head was pressed against his heart. Iwaizumi’s cheek was lying on the top of Ushijima’s head as he began to caress the other’s ear, jaw and neck.

Iwaizumi whispered then,

“You have me in a way no one else could ever have me.”

Ushijima hugged him tighter and said quietly,

“I don’t think I’ll care about anyone else as much as I care about you.”

And Ushijima swore he could hear Iwaizumi’s heart accelerating.

**–––––––––––––––––––**

“Kageyama is the person who was in a time loop the same time I was.”

Iwaizumi stopped. He was staring at Ushijima, not blinking.

“Hajime, say something, you’re scaring me–”

“Junior–high,” Iwaizumi muttered, looking into Ushijima’s widened eyes. “His time loop happened while he was at Kitagawa Daiichi.”

Ushijima nodded. “After you third years went away,” he said.

“You said he knew why time loops happened,” Iwaizumi started slowly. “Do you really think that?”

Ushijima nodded again. “I know he knows,” he said. “I just don’t know what he knows,” he lowered his head, looked away from Iwaizumi. “Sometimes we meet, Hajime. I know he’s still not okay – I can _see _he’s not doing well, you know?”

“I want to talk to him,” Iwaizumi heard himself say. His voice felt distant. “I want to see myself.”

“Sure,” Ushijima replied in a feathery voice. “Anything.”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, tried to process all of this–

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Ushijima apologized. Iwaizumi opened his eyes. “But you had so many problems already, so many things to stress about, I didn’t want to give you another one. But now I didn’t want to keep it from you either–”

Iwaizumi caressed Ushijima’s cheek. “I’m not mad,” he said and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you for telling me. I don’t know how I feel about this to be honest,” Iwaizumi felt Ushijima’s lips on his collarbone. “I might know how I feel when I see him though.”

Ushijima pulled him closer and Iwaizumi could feel his smile close to his neck.

“I’m so glad you’re my friend,” Ushijima’s voice was painted with joy.

Iwaizumi laughed. “I’m glad you’re my friend too.”

“I’m so glad you let me kiss you,” Ushijima continued, still making Iwaizumi laugh.

“I’m glad you want to kiss me,” Iwaizumi smiled gently, pressing a kiss on Ushijima’s temple and below the eye.

After a couple of minutes, Iwaizumi stood up and went back to his seat, finishing his tea. Park was playing Seung’s song with his cello and Ushijima started humming along with it. Iwaizumi looked up and admired the sky.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“What does that mean?” Tendou sounded so offended it moved the phone and it almost fell down from its place. “You won’t bring your children to Uncle Tendou, is that it? Shame on you, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi almost choked on his own spit. “Children?”

“And I thought I was important,” Tendou continued. “I already planned to help with the adoption too. Guess it was all for nothing, huh?”

“CHILDREN?” Iwaizumi tried to be louder.

“I already decided to have them over on every Sunday – Wakatoshi, are you okay? Hey, big guy!” Tendou suddenly began to laugh. “Oh my god, Iwaizumi! Wakatoshi is so red, it’s unreal. I bet you are too, aren’t you?” Tendou’s laugh was louder. “I can’t – Makki, my boy, is going to love this–”

“I gotta go,” Iwaizumi was sure that his whole face, neck and ears were red by now. “Bye.”

Tendou was staring at the phone. Ushijima just simply looked at him saying, “_Tendou_...”

“I know,” Tendou said quietly, already crying. “This wasn't really funny.”

Ushijima’s heart broke as he pulled Tendou close to him, hugging his best friend.

Only then he noticed he was crying, too.

**––––––––––––––––––**

“He’s in a time loop?” Ushijima leaned close to him while they were sitting in the pub called ‘_Days and Minutes_’, at the counter, on stools.

Iwaizumi nodded and his fingers tightened around his glass. “I couldn’t believe it, Wakatoshi,” he said, looking at him. “He has the same eyes. And he dies every single day, _god_–”

“Hajime,” Ushijima began gently. “You can’t do anything about it. It’s his time loop. _He_ is the one who can get out – and the only one at that.”

Iwaizumi was staring at him in silence. “But I can give him support... as you gave me,” he said. “I just want him to get something that could ease his days.”

Ushijima furrowed his brows. “You know, that’s what doesn’t add up actually,” he stopped for a minute. “Why wouldn’t Kageyama say something?”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and started nodding. “I know right?”

Ushijima’s eyes darted down as he began to concentrate. “It’s just weird,” he said. “I know him. He wouldn't hide something like that,” he shook his head. “Gotta ask about it later.”

Iwaizumi nodded again. “Hmm.”

Ushijima leaned his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder – nuzzling to his neck. Iwaizumi gently laid his head on the top of Ushijima’s.

“You’re going to do it today,” Ushijima didn’t ask. “You’re saving him today.”

Iwaizumi shut down his eyes and let himself to be comforted. The noise of other people filled the whole pub. The clinking sound of the glasses, the talking and laughter. What an easy life.

What a different world.

Iwaizumi gently smiled and then heard Ushijima say,

“Thank you for sharing your endless days with me.”

And Iwaizumi only said,

“Thank you for showing me how to live in my endless days.”

**––––––––––––––––**

“Iwaizumi, you motherfucking badass!” Tendou shrieked, bursting the door wide open – hitting Makki with it accidentally on his shoulder. “Oh my god, Makki, my boy, I’m so sorry, we just arrived–”

“Tendou, my brotha, I haven’t seen you since thanksgiving–”

“Makki, my boy, I haven’t seen you since I’ve gotten out of jail–”

“Oh my god, I need to fucking retire–”

“Hajime?” Ushijima paled when he saw Iwaizumi with his wounded arm, being in hospital–

“Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima walked to him with quick steps and hugged him with strength and adoration and–

And it meant so much–

“I hate you,” Ushijima said in a gentle voice, still hugging him. “Out of everyone – every single person living in this world – I hate you the most.”

_Lie._

Iwaizumi nuzzled to Ushijima’s neck and pressed a feather light kiss there.

_Lie._

“I hate you too,” he whispered. “I hate you more than anything.”

It was silence.

“Makki, my boy, are you getting this?” Tendou whispered, sounding excited.

“Tendou, my brotha, I’m recording the full shit.”

“Way to ruin the moment, you useless peasants.”

“We love you too, Matsukawa,” Tendou and Makki said simultaneously.

And both him and Ushijima began to laugh.

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima was holding his hand – he didn’t wan to let go at all when Sora walked into the room.

Sora almost dropped the croissant he was holding. “Ushijima Wakatoshi?” Sora yelled and started to stutter. “I’m – I’m – I’m a really big fan oh my fucking god, can you sign my jacket– HOLD UP!” Sora raised his hands, looking at the scene in front of him. “Why is this legend here with you, Hajime? Are you two holding hands – oh my god, hold the fuck up–”

“Iwaizumi!” Seung and Park yelled at the same time as they walked into the room. “I heard we–”

Sora turned back, his jaw fell down. Seung stopped in his track – his eyes widened. Park gasped as he pointed at Sora.

Sora yelled, “SEUNG?!”

“SORA!” Seung shouted.

“THE COOL GUY I DID NOT KNOW THE NAME OF!” Park screamed.

Iwaizumi and Ushijima’s eyes widened.

“You two know each other?” Iwaizumi asked and Ushijima looked so shocked.

Sora looked back at Iwaizumi and raised his eyebrows. “He’s the reason I flew back,” he said. “He invited me to his wedding.”

_Jesus._

Park snorted. “Of course he did.”

Seung grinned and hugged Sora. “My best friend is back in town,” he laughed. “Sora showed me the song that I love so much.”

Park’s eyebrows rose. “Down in the Valley?”

Seung nodded and the took a step back from the hug. He did a high–five with Sora. “I had no idea Iwaizumi was your brother – the one you’ve told me about over the phone.”

Sora started nodding and then looked back at Ushijima. “So then that means he’s the boyfriend of Ushijima – that you’ve told me about.”

“I’m fucking done,” Park said, sounding hundred percent done with everything in his life. “The world is so fucking small, what else is about to happen?”

And that was the moment when a beautiful girl walked into the room.

And Ushijima just sat there, completely stunned.

_Akira._

Seung kissed her on the lips and that was when everything exploded.

“Is this your fiancée?” Sora smiled.

“Great job introducing me, Seung, you idiot,” Park wasn’t amused.

“Akira?” Ushijima asked loudly.

“You’re the girl Ushijima saved a long time ago?” Iwaizumi asked, feeling breathless. “The one he’s having coffee with every Friday?”

“God!” Park said, smiling wide. “What a day!”

**–––––––––––––––––**

Ushijima told Iwaizumi he had to go to Katashi’s party – because he and the other had crashed the previous one – so he couldn't stay with him in the hospital, but he also promised he would come back to him as soon as possible.

When he decided that the had enough, he did not imagine running into Hinata Shouyou.

He slowly looked around.

_Does that mean Kageyama is here as well?_

The older boy’s eyes widened but Hinata beat him to it. “I know,” he said. “I know.”

Ushijima’s eyes shone with recognition. “I know you know,” he answered, putting his hands into his pocket, looking as calm as ever. “Hajime told me.”

Hinata swallowed. “He told me you taught him everything about the time loop.”

Ushijima narrowed his eyes, looking confused, suspicious and surprised.

“So he didn't tell you,” he stated, his shoulders looking tense. Hinata’s eyes widened.

_Kageyama didn’t tell him._

“Didn’t tell me what?” Hinata asked.

Ushijima felt so much sadness took over him, and something else too, when he said, “That I only knew the rules because Kageyama told me.”

End of Part IV

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

_Sneak peak of Part V:_

_“I can’t even look at you right now,” Hinata told Kageyama, in the terrifying silence everyone was looking at him. “I don’t even know who I’m talking to.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT WE WILL START MY FAV PART!!!
> 
> PPS: IM STILL SCREAMING YOU GUYS ARE NOT READY

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it :3333


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